My husband and I have been married for 3 years. We have 2 gorgeous children, but that's about all we have in common. Things haven't been going very well and about a month ago we decided to seperate. 3 days later, I found out that the first night he slept away from home, and he told me he was at his brothers house, he was actually having sex with a 19 year old girl he'd just met. I was so heartbroken and didn't know what to do. We talked about things and he swore it was a one time thing and it didn't mean anything. I told him I thought I could get past it eventually, and we decided that we'd stay seperated, but try to work things out. The next day he changed his mind and said we didnt have enough in common and he didnt think it would work. The next day he wanted it to work, the next day he changed his mind again. I've decided to cut him out of my life, except for where the kids are concerned. I despise him for putting me through this, but I still do love him. Anyone been there? or have anything to say?

Counseling to see if it can be saved ? That's if you can forgive him for cheating on you

Sounds like he isnt mature enough to be in a committed relationship!!!

yeah been through if you have kids you have to deal with the x.i don't why people feel the need to toy with people.i feel good being honest but i guess some people just don't feel guilt when they lie.good luck

Divorce, even when 'simple and amicable' is a really, really long, hard road - harder than I ever imagined. When there are children involved you will be tied to this man forever regardless, so my 'advice' would be to get professional help, exhaust every resource you can to make it work as a couple - and if that fails, do everything in your power to stay positive throughout the process - your children need to see you handle yourself with dignity and maturity - even when ... especially when, things get tough.

Gather your best support systems around you and hold on tight ... my heart goes out to you!

Sounds like a lot of game playing. After 3 years together,
either he does or doesnt want to be together. Life is way to short to put up with someones crap. And you cant make someone love you. If You cant work it out...the best thing to do is dump him. Get over him and move on. It will be his loss.

dont let him touch you until he gets an aids tests and tests for stds!!!

Been in similar...you're already going to have trust issues with him and with others if and when you decide to date again...it's not a one time thing...it will eat at you and you MAY be able to get passed it or may not. The easiest is to say forget it and you deserve better than that, but the hardest isn't always the best either. I have to say that even though it's rough finding a good one and being single stinks, I would make the same decision to leave again if I had to go back

Actually it took me almost a year to realize what you're realizing right now. My ex played those games with me. Thank god it's finally over!

"I found out that the first night he slept away from home, and he told me he was at his brothers house, he was actually having sex with a 19 year old girl he'd just met."

Was this hearsay, or did you actually see it. Lots of drama surrounds potential divorce.

To be clear, because I just got a few emails, I don't want to work things out, I just want to know if there's a trick to making my heart not love him anymore... that sounds silly I know but it's so hard when I see him, and he wants a hug or something more, not to want to do it back.

Time is the only real trick.

Just remember what he did to you and that you can do better than that. There is someone out there that will treat you waaaaay better than that skeeezy man!

whats really hard is when they insist they you and you just don't feel the anymore.actions speak louder than words for me.

I hear the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else....just kidding...I don't believe that at all, but laughing and surrounding yourself with positive people and things to do and TIME is what makes it go away...it's hard

Sweetie - been there, done that--------I'm sorry, but it's not going to stop, and if he's that undecided he will end up walking, he just doesn't have the nerve to do it----I've been through something very similar this past year............Once we got over the initial rough parts we started behaving more appropriately, like "friends" for our daughter - the focus being our daughter, determined to get along and make it a positive, non - traumatic experience for her.

That's exactly right. Your heart may not be ready to let him go right now, but within time, it will. Find a good support group to deal with your feelings and emotions(cause God knows we've all been there) Good luck to you

Ive had a similar experience with my daughters mother we tried to work through it with no success once the trust was gone it was gone. I tried to forgive and forget but it was always there in the back of my mind. We are now good friends but thats all we can be. Good luck.

Here on the other side...
My Ex asked me for a divorce about 1 yr. ago.
" I am not happy, life is too short to be miserible" Ok, two wks later I am out the door. Divorce was final in Feb.2008. First 6 months were a roller coaster, it's ok now, not perfect but good. Very amicable and friendly.
But painful after being married for 17 yrs.
Time will heal, time will tell.
T-this
I-I
M-Must
E-Earn


Good luck

Thanks everyone!