hit on your GF/SPOUSE but your spouse/gf maintiained the friendship?

My now ex best friend of 27 yrs hit on my gf of 11yrs while we were in bed asleep. This happend about a 1-1/2 yrs ago. She and I were in bed asleep and about 3:30 am he came into the bedroom, was at the foot of the bed and started to rub her legs under the covers. He didnt know I had woke up when he came into the room. When his hand got too far up I got up and it scared him. Now I didnt do anything when he first started because I wasnt really sure what he was doing, and when I realized exactly what he was doing I wanted to see what she would do. She did nothing! But I know she was awake too. Anyhow, I confronted them both the next morning and his reply to me was "I did?". He was drunk but that is no excuse. Her answer was she was asleep and didnt know. Obviously he is no longer my best friend and I guess Ill never see the 3500.00 he owes me and thats fine. I told her she was no longer allowed to associate with him or have contact and she agreed. Appearantly she felt it was more important to keep the friendship with him than to have the respect for our relationship. I found out shortly thereafter that they still maintained a friendship.

I guess my question is .. what would you do? Would you have forbid them to remain friends? What would you do if you found out they were still friends? She claimed/s nothing ever happend between the two of them. But I never had trust for her again and IMO its what ultimately led to our demise.

you think you have power over others..?????


What can you do?????

find Peace.....that's what you do....

posts like these make me wonder

In order for anyone to be my friend, I truly have to trust them; and at my age; in order to be a true best friend, we have already experienced life's ups and downs together and have lived through them all and they have earned the name of Best Friend.

I trust my BF totally. However, I'd have to change the scenario a bit.

My 'husband/boyfriend/lover' can be butt a$$ naked; my BF will look (as we are all human) him in the eye and say, ok where is Frances, or go put some clothes on.

So not sure whether it's because people are too quick to call someone a Best Friend when they in fact arent.

good luck and sorry to those that have lived through this, as to whoever maintains a relationship with the ex's etc... not up to you but to the individual to chose (jmo)

Ya know, this would really bother me too. I agree that you don't have power over others. But I think you have to wonder why your girlfriend wouldn't be so pissed off about this that she wouldn't end the friendship as well. That seems umm.... Funny to me. I think if it were me, I would explain to her that it really bothers you that he did this and that it doesn't seem to bother her. You know it's her life, but you would hope that she would respect your feelings and end the friendship. Also ask her why she isn't more bothered by it. If she doesn't, you're left with 2 choices. Accept it, or leave her. My ex wanted me to stop being friends with a girl who I used to see when we were in high school. We had the occasional email and call. That was it. Her wanting me to end that was ridiculous. But you have a real reason to be upset here. Don't let anyone tell you it's no big deal. Good luck.

first of all, you can't fo forbidding your S/O to be friends with someone or not. So he was your best friend? Was she always friends with this guy prior to your relationship?

well said Fran

Got to admit....your past best friend has some guts....I think i would've waited to see what they both would have done next....now all you can do is speculate about her & think of ways to get back at him.....I'd just move on with my life & chalk it up to lesson learned....

I'd have to say I believe that he was drunk and didn't know what he was doing... otherwise, he wouldn't have "hit on her" with YOU in the bed

I trust people.....up until they break it...then I don't. But, like Franshade stated, it takes alot to become a "true" best friend. My best friend would never do anything like that. He respects himself and his wife way to much to do so.

In this scenario, if this were me, I would have done what you did. Confront them both and see what they say. If they lie about it, then the red flag goes up and that's that. You can't control people, but you can ask for respect. I don't think forbidding her was the way to go. More than likely it made her want to keep contact with your former best friend (ya know, just to spite you). If you had said something like "If you respect me, and us, please don't keep contact with him" or something like that, and she still did it, then something was (or was going to) happen.

Sorry this happened to ya bro.

hey got a question for you and the OP, what is gained by confronting anyone?

As opposed to just sitting back and not saying anything? You can't show that you can be walked all over on. True, dude might have been drunk and all, and as I said, the OP did overreact a little (IMO). But you have to say something about it.

she met him through me so she really didnt know him that well. IMO-- if she had enough love and respect for us she would have severed it right then and there after all is it worth the strain it put on us?? He lost one of his best friends a few yrs back because he slept with his gf... so yes he has a past history of this. I do think I had a right to forbid their friendship because of the strain it put on our relationship after that incident and the fact that she didnt know him that well. I would have had enough love and respect for her had it been the other way around.

yeah they just lie to you, you get frustrated

you are the only one who gets screwed around, people don't like getting caught in their BS.

stick with people you can REALLY trust

Well you have to take some of the Blame. Never ever test what people will do, when it comes to your relationship. The spark might have been there already. You allowed them to strike the Match. People are going to do whats in there Hearts, a Heads. Nomatter what you said, She was going to do what She wanted. The Truth is She was looking for an Out, and you gave it to Her. Your better of without them, 3500. is a small price to pay, for a peacefull life.

Thats exactly what I did say to her almost word for word. "If you respect us and my feelings then you will not have contact with him". After I found out they were still friends and talking on the cell's and she denied it.. the red flags were everywhere.. Again.. IMO --- its one of the major things that ended our relationship.

I'm sorry goof, was not judging by any means... truly curious.

Why would you assume this would be like being walked over, I think he wanted to see how far things could go, so he should just buck up and take it. Too many assumptions made by OP.

Do you believe things got too far? would you allow any man (if this was your scenario) to touch your g/f while she sleeps? and watch to see how far either would go?

I am just sharing that I react differently. If my man and I are in bed and 'A G/F' comes into my room and touches my man she'd be out cold til the morning on my bedroom floor. but thats just me

IM not looking for answers as to if I was right or wrong in forbidding them to remain friends. Id like to know what you would have done if you were me and what you would do if you found out they were still friends.

No. Don't be sorry. I wasn't like mad or something. It's all good.

And....HELL NO! No man touches my girlfriend while we are in bed. Hell, my GF would have woke up and drop kicked his ass out the door.

And she would not allow a woman to touch me like that either.

Here is the thing. Had the best friend been really drunk, and then apologized to him for what he did and not deny it, then that is cool. Not that it would make me trust the dude anymore, but at least he owned up for being a dumbarse.

lov2fish - I responded, I would not have let things escalate at all, she'd be sleeping at the foot of my bed, unconscious.

as to whether they remained friends, not my business, not under my control.