((( peachie )))..I know... , but we're here, and regardless what anyone else tells me..I know he's still here with me. Maybe not the way I would like for him to be, but he's here..and that does help some.

Our song is Willie Nelson, You are always on my mind.

Makes my eyes wet.

(((Knightless))))((((Peachie)))))

I do know one thing for sure...my cuppy that was our pet name...its on our license plates, mugs at home. pictures on the wall...he was not happy at all watching me waste away...i could feel that somehow...I will see him again and hold his hand and walk with him into the light, but that will on gods terms not my own...we have a grandson that he so worshiped and children that adored him...

We must carry their memories, their legacies because of he wonderment that they have bought into our lives..For that alone I am richer than anyone in the world...

I chose a cherrywood Urn with 4 pillars of strength...I had this inscribed on each of the 4 panels...

My husband....is a man of character who understands commitment and does more than his share to make his family comfortable, safe, and secure. I adore him......

My Partner....is a man who is patient, optimistic, caring , and wise. his sens of humor and support hold me up when I cant do it myself. I'm grateful for him.....

My Friend.....is the only man with whom I can share my deepest secrets and know they'll be safe..Time with him is always good...I cherish him..........

You are all of those things and more to me. I'm so thankful you came into my world, for if you hadnt, Im sure I never would have know the kind of happiness youve brought into my life.. I love you Cuppy...

I read this everyday and give thanks.

Oh..that is awesome cuppy. I like that!! I didn't get much of a choice when my husband died- my Mother-in-law kind of decided that. I hold a little bit of resentment for not allowing me to handle my own husband's last day, but then again..I knew it was already decided where we would be buried, and all that..but it's different...I wasn't thinking too clearly from the moment I found out because I did forget one of his last requests- his last ride on the firetruck he rode- and I will regret that one from now on. But I was in a state of shock and disbelief. I think your idea was great and your words are so awesome!!

Hey, hun...All I know is that to me he was gone...couldnt believe it...but I just knew that it had to be perfect...I had an open casket memorial here in Florida. I sat in a wheel chair like a zombie, then I flew with his urn to Chgo, where we lived most of my life and had a memorial for all of his friends and family. My parents had me at a psychiatrist the following morning. I was on suicide watch for 7 months. My father-in-law, who was more like a dad to me died in 2000, Younger brother died in 2002, another younger brother died in 2004 and then my husband in 2006...This is not a good year for me, by no stretch of he imagination.

I am so sorry about your loss. There are things that you can do for yourself now that you hadnt thought of before. Its not like it is too late. It is never too late to show your love to him. I dont know, but I think God gave me that bit of strength at that time. I regret not being in the car with him at the time...but I realize that regrets eat you up inside and will only hurt you in the long run..He would not want you to dwell on that. I am sure he would want you to live on carrying his memory like the book you have written together only turning the pages to a new chapter of your life. I dont want to meet someone who thinks he has to fill his shoes, because obviously, that wouldnt be possible, but I would want him to walk his own path, create his own steps and write a new chapter in my book. We will always have a part of them tucked away deep in a special place in our heart that cant be changed or stolen but devoted to their memory of our life together.

I have a room in my home that I have devoted to him..It is a wildlife room. He loved nature and the creatures that god created and I sit in that room and wonder what he is doing now. I talk to him and on every holiday or special occasion. I still buy him a card...Write a letter to him, knowing that he can read it..seal it date it and put it in his room...I told my daughter that one day when I die, she could then open each one in date order and read what I have written to her father...She said that she already knew and that she hopes she never has that opportunity...She posted a testimonial in my profile...Her name is puppyeyes and she is a creation of love never ending...

My heart goes out to you, you've been through alot. Yes, it's never too late that's true. I do what I can, just like everyone does..with time it eases the pain some. I think it helps knowing we're all here for each other, and at least here to listen to each other. I do have you all in my prayers and hope we all just keep hanging in there!

That sounds like such a beautiful love story. I am so sorry for your loss . You are right that it never goes away but it

softens a little bit with time . Somedays though you feel like you are back to square one.
do you ever get tired of the 3rd wheel feeling? Like this is a couples world? I know I do.

Wow ..I can so relate to that!!!

Third wheel- that's the feeling I'm trying to describe-thank you. Yea, like tonight I have been craving for a steak but I will not go in there and sit by myself and eat. I just feel like everyone stares at you the whole time, and so I choose to just fix me something light here at home enstead..but oh that steak sure sounds good.lol

I hear ya hun...I tried going out to a restaurant by myself and I practically choked down my meal .Never want to do that again.

Ahh, bless your heart Betty..at least you got the nerve up to try it at least so that's alot. I can drive up in the parking lot and park, but my hand refuses to open that door..lol

Tust me ..it wasn,t worth it . Itried going to the show once by myself that wasn,t quite as bad. Maybe cause it was dark and everyone (well mostly everyone) was focused on the movie. I have also gone to casinos alone and that was ok, cause everyone goes their own way anyway.
So this is what I do when I want a restraunt meal ..order take out!

Havent experienced much of that Betty...I dont have many friends in Florida...I am originally from Chicago and plan to move someday...not sure where. I would imagine that would be the case though...my mother-in-law talks about that all the time...

Going out to eat isnt an issue for me...other than weight...spent plenty of time eating lunch alone because of work...I usually am doing something at the table...Anyway its things like walking on the beach...I love to fish and did all the time with him...but I cant now...going to museums, concerts...that sorta stuff is gone...

What pushed me over the edge to want to find someone was last summer. It was my brother and his wifes 40 wedding anniversary and they had a huge week long party at their cottage. They had abot 50 people there ..or should I say 51. I was the only one without someone and I really felt it. To makes matters worse a priest came and renewed their wedding vows. They both talked about their years together and I started bawling like a baby !!

Yes, fishing, concerts, or anything..I just won't go because it's couples..fishing I enjoyed because I had him beside me but I haven't done any of that now in 5 yrs....I'm very self conscience about myself and it takes me a little bit to warm up to anyone I don't know. Anniverssary parties I can't do either, it's tough to watch people happy..not in a resentful way- but in my own sad way... I've been out on a few dates- the last one I went with though told me that I even shouldn't be thinking about dating and that it was wrong of me to involve another man in my situation...that just almost floored me. I just hope you ladies have better experiences than what I have had, as far as meeting any new guys.

I have had good and bad . Some men think because I have been so long without a man that I,m "desperate" sex starved .. fair game you name it ! Some of the other ones were just plain liars!! I have met a couple of nice ones though , but because I am not really open to marriage or living together that seems to put a damper on things. I was surprised by that cause I thought that would make most men happy.

I've had mostly bad..two men wanted to get married right then and there and I was like whoaaaa, one man was nice as could be but definately not my type at all, but the last one...really made me feel like the bottom of a shoe by even thinking about dating. If they could only walk in my shoes for one day........

Evening Everybody

Just reading and trying to catch up.

Hi Cuppy, I'm Connie nice to see you

well he is the one who is gum at the bottom of a shoe !! Don,t let a jerk like him ever make you feel that way again.,Kick him in the butt and tell him to go ppe up a rope!!