I see this question posted all of the time in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the other guy that you were screwing treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you denied having any romantic feelings for him, and told everyone that you were "just friends." Besides, he absolutely was not your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you weren't dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive platonic friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open, or make dinners just because, or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset, or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

The fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, and only if they are lucky.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab a hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So please, either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've really screwed up. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bull**** and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't want you, at least not now.

Sincerely,

Jimmy F

An Actual Nice Guy

A ****ING MEN.

I totally agree with this.
And i don't care who hates me for this, or who gives a flying **** or not.

its a bit sad reay ..the men i ended up choosing werent the tall handsome types but just regular guys..i still ended up getting hurt, beaten up etc..in the end i took a break..ive met a guy now and hes a nice..and cares...i dont believe in the bad guy nice guy thing..i believe in the individual...you can go out with a guy or women and think the sun shines out of there arse they can come across as great people only to change and show there true colours..so in the end you live with your choices move on and hopefully that one individual will come into your life who is right just for you

Wow think most are going to be affraid to touch this one but being the stright up knightsters that I am lol.
here goes ...
Some how I seen myself in this , it was a lesson I learned years ago its called wearing your heart on your sleeve , no one wants what they can have Ive recently told someone else here the same thing a nice guy , who seems to finish last .
What I see is its a game of give and take , give a little take alittle Never , what I call dump it , and when I say game I dont mean the player type , more like ,play the game .again no one wants what they know they can have there is no challenge and if there is no challenge we get bored , had you maybe held back a little shown her that she could not control you , umm yes and maybe used her a little she might of seen you in a different light or maybe not , we are all different , maybe you could have seen her for what she was and not let your heart go so easy,, I for one still believe there are good guys and good women out there . will I just jump ? most likely not . will I let her " the one I hope to win the heart of "get away absolutly not. I will play the game untill I win , and we will win when we find each other , no doubt I will challeng her and she me in this game of love .
Knightsters out .... grinz

jim, you are right on, but in all fairness it happens both ways. i just think we see more of it from our side. i really do enjoy reading the profiles of women who live in their fantasy land, it lifts me up when i am a little down. your post is like a breath of fresh air. maybe a few will wake up??

You hit the nail on the head! I hope it wakes some people up.
I'm happy to say I have a "nice" guy.

This also brings up another point; how quickly does a nice guy look like an asshole when he's hit the point that he'll finally state how he feels without caring who it'll offend? I've found myself hitting that point more and more often lately and I'm wondering how much longer it'll be before I just become another asshole myself lol.

Although what you have stated may be very true. You have to also include the fact that there are nice guys in disguise. To which, us women can not throw caution to the wind and believe that this person will remain the nice guy you thought you met. This also makes things more difficult for the TRUE nice guy out there. In the everyday rush of life that sociality is trying to dictate, people tend to forget that TIME tells all. I'm a true believer that a friendship has to be established between two people before moving forward into a relationship. It's much easier to end a friendship when one is being taken advantage of, disrespected, etc., than when you have allowed your heart to become involved and discover these things. Live and learn, one of life's experiences that everyone must go through. We can all handle the living part but the learning part is what makes us much wiser in our choices and hopefully keep us from repeating mistakes. I have also noticed that in today's times, a lot of people have let society dictate their needs and wants. Tis sad!!! The day that you individualize yourself and look deep within as to what YOU want in life, is the day that you may find true happiness in EVERYTHING you strive for. If that makes you different from others so be it.....YOU ARE REAL!!!! So to all the Nice Guys and Nice Women, stay true to yourselves, that day will come when you find each other but trying to rush it or settle for less leads to a life of unhappiness or just another one of lifes live and learn situation.

i'm a nice guy & still waiting on that special lady to be with me

Nice try, but it can't all be summed up this way, too many variables...better luck next time...I guess you see yourself as a nice guy...nice guys can be a@@holes too...

Amen dude!!!

A point was hit on here, just about everyone so ignorantly missed, including the original poster. Truth to thyself. The little platonic "nice guy", is just a ***** too fearful of being true to himself. No one but a retard is a ****in pigeon so willing to submit to the whims of a woman simply for some *****. Those who act like one are cowardly fools too fearful to be courageous to themselves. The ***** who rejected him was being true to herself. Hence the reason she's now called a *****. When you have power, it's only natural you become hated by the weak. The true reason for the original "nice guy" post, was the fear the poster still has for actually growing a pair of nuts for once in his life instead of dwelling on the past and hating that he's still a ***** considering his implication that he's still not getting laid, and thus a "nice guy" considering his defense for it. To be true to others, one must first be true to themself.
The next stupid ***** that complains "where are the nice guys at?" demonstrates no differently than the last how she's just as stupid as the original "nice guy" poster is a coward. Though many of these chicks are true to themselves in the nature of screwing the physically, mentally and emotionally superior over its opposite, they're usually too mentally inferior themselves to notice why they're truly doing it. They didn't give a **** if the feelings and desires of others were quenched, all that truly mattered were their own above everything else. To expect the male whos also true to himself to give a sh1t about quenching your feelings and desires above his is a double standard paradise for fools. Anyone that helps themselves to the pot these days is an asshole. The further, and more frequent you reach into it, the bigger an asshole you are. I pride myself on being an asshole. But of course, I get laid. Knowing this, one will come to the logic that you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. Thus why you should help anyone at all remains trivial. Logic will show that no one can ever help you more than you can help yourself. In truth "nice guys" are a myth. The role only filled by the weak. Everyone's an asshole when it all boils down to it. Some more than others..... most merely afraid to show it. Its when two assholes meet that they become "friends" even if it is with benefits or whatever bullsh1t they wanna coat it with. And so the chick finally calls the man a "nice guy".....perpetuating the myth.

wow bet you feel glad you got that of your chest hun

All this proves is that you can copy and paste.I have seen it before. Guess what -you have to be more than nice.You have to be smart and interesting and fun. And if you chose to behave badly now, blame it on yourself- not the girls you went to high school with. Grow the hell up.

Wait....


Wait...

Wait...

I can't stop....


Wait....


Wait...


Laughing too hard....




Come back to me... I can't form sentences right now, from laughing too hard....

i love it" so true"

Hiker, I used to feel pretty much the same way. But one thing I've learned -- over and over and over -- is that the girls on dating sites simply are not looking for "smart" or "interesting." They don't want a "challenge" or even a "partner." They're looking for a guy who buys into every traditional conformist brainwashese platitude out there, a guy who either comes with a steering wheel or has a place to put one. The guy who is smart and interesting doesn't stand a chance in a venue like this unless some girl thinks she can domesticate him.

i use the litter box!!!

WRONG!!!!!!

Your mileage may vary. Nonetheless, that has been my repeated experience in ten years of using dating sites. Intelligence and being interesting are NOT assets in this sort of environment.