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| Topic: Opinions needed... | |
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You have every right to be upset, but it's true, she might end up resenting you for keeping her from her dad. Some people just suck. If he's going to let her down, let her see it for herself... and over time it may change or she may just get sick of it and speak up. My mom never kept away our loser dad unless he was a danger to us, and I don't resent her for letting me see the truth. I never said I keep her from him, he chooses that.... and always has, NOT ME! You misunderstood what I said. I'm saying if you DO keep her from him so he doesn't hurt her feelings she might end up resenting you. I understand now, well I would not do that. If she wants to see him, by all means she can. I will not push the issue, she will have to bring it up to me. She is more mature that the average 10yr old, I think that maybe she understands more than what I give her credit for, but that is my baby girl, and I just want to protect her from hurt thats all. |
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al i have to say is your daughter will make her own mind up about her father and good luck to you
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LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...
You are an awesome, wonderful mother-woman it seems. and yes kind of in the same sense. Thanks for the advise.
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LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...
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So what are you looking for an opinion on here? My daugher is ten also and calls herself a daddy's girl. He lives in NY. We live here. I don't argue. It's something they'll realize as they get older, but if you point it out to them now, you're going to become the bad guy. I would never say anything negative about him around her. I pray and pray that she will see for herself one day, and she will... I am just tired of him hurting her, and I have to take up his slack, when she asks, why didnt my dad get me a Christmas present? That is so heartbreaking for me to answer her... I do not put him down to her in any way. If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle.. |
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LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...
Hats off to you!!!! I know that is truly hard to do on your behalf. It makes me sick to know I have to be civil to this SOB, but I will be- IF he even shows up... If he knows like I know, he better... |
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 I would let HIM know that if HE hurts her with NOT SHOWING UP,,,for anything big and planned,,,I WOULD TELL HIM,,,Im telling our daughter YOUR NOT coming.for future visits
THEN, if he makes it fine,,,but if not,,,SHE WON'T HAVE THAT HURT...
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Edited by
Engraven_Image
on
Fri 04/11/08 10:05 PM
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So what are you looking for an opinion on here? My daugher is ten also and calls herself a daddy's girl. He lives in NY. We live here. I don't argue. It's something they'll realize as they get older, but if you point it out to them now, you're going to become the bad guy. I would never say anything negative about him around her. I pray and pray that she will see for herself one day, and she will... I am just tired of him hurting her, and I have to take up his slack, when she asks, why didnt my dad get me a Christmas present? That is so heartbreaking for me to answer her... I do not put him down to her in any way. If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle.. |
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So what are you looking for an opinion on here? My daugher is ten also and calls herself a daddy's girl. He lives in NY. We live here. I don't argue. It's something they'll realize as they get older, but if you point it out to them now, you're going to become the bad guy. I would never say anything negative about him around her. I pray and pray that she will see for herself one day, and she will... I am just tired of him hurting her, and I have to take up his slack, when she asks, why didnt my dad get me a Christmas present? That is so heartbreaking for me to answer her... I do not put him down to her in any way. If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle.. 
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I guess anytime you talk about your children, something so dear to your heart it makes you have all these emotions, and all I keep thinking is, HE BETTER SHOW UP!!! I know what that would mean to her, and me for her...
I think that if he does not show, then I will call his cell phone (just got his cell # last week after 4 years of not having a contact # by the way) and just simply tell him he needs to leave her alone for good. I am TIRED, just TIRED of this and leave it at that.
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Thanks all. I guess I needed to talk about it, and who better to talk about it with!
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many are the times when those unspoken words dictate and indicate your true feelings. these are the emotions that children pick up on. the tone of your initial posting thus indicate anger and frustration towards your once lover and father of your child. you don't have to say it surely your words indicates those negative feelings. i am a stranger to you therefore my suggestions are freely given with the expectations that you will at first, dismiss it without regards but if you will take the time to carefully examine your self you will see that you..can make a bridge to the future for your child even if you want nothing to do with this man.
you mailed an invitation to him, did you have your daughter call him to invite him in person? he is not a stranger. don't treat him like one. think about it.....good luck. |
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I guess anytime you talk about your children, something so dear to your heart it makes you have all these emotions, and all I keep thinking is, HE BETTER SHOW UP!!! I know what that would mean to her, and me for her... I think that if he does not show, then I will call his cell phone (just got his cell # last week after 4 years of not having a contact # by the way) and just simply tell him he needs to leave her alone for good. I am TIRED, just TIRED of this and leave it at that.
got um all pretty for their mothers visit. We were joking and they were all happy, I was telling them how hansom they were. And she called and said she wasn't going to be able to make it,(this was her third time) I said ok,(not happy at all) and turned to them and tried to tell them sweetly moms reasons,,,and BOTH...went from bright faces, big smiles to tears in their eyes and off to be alone,,I had to stop and hug my four year old, he was the youngest. THEN,,I called her back and said THATS IT,,,NEVER WILL I EVER TELL THEM YOUR COMING, I WILL NEVER SEE OUR BABIES FACES LOOKING SO HURT AND DISAPOINTED,,,All because YOU WERE HUNG OVER!!! So that was that,,and I never did, and if she ever came,,it was a nice surprise for the boys.....
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So what are you looking for an opinion on here? My daugher is ten also and calls herself a daddy's girl. He lives in NY. We live here. I don't argue. It's something they'll realize as they get older, but if you point it out to them now, you're going to become the bad guy. I would never say anything negative about him around her. I pray and pray that she will see for herself one day, and she will... I am just tired of him hurting her, and I have to take up his slack, when she asks, why didnt my dad get me a Christmas present? That is so heartbreaking for me to answer her... I do not put him down to her in any way. If it hurts her that he doesn't remember her at Christmas, "maybe" you can get a gift or two "small ones" and make them from him.. I know it's killer b/c it shouldn't have to be that way but it would matter to her. and yes you are protecting her but years later when she thanks him for the gifts and he has a blank look in his face, she'll get it and know how out of your way you really went to show her she was loved full cicle.. ((((engraven)))) that is one of the reasons you're so special...
LIJ, I know it hurts, believe me I've cried many tears and still will just ball at the thought, mention or in a discussion of my sons being hurt.. We are parents that love our children, who put them first.. Our heartbreak will never go away not even when they're grown believe me...
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Thanx Princess
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many are the times when those unspoken words dictate and indicate your true feelings. these are the emotions that children pick up on. the tone of your initial posting thus indicate anger and frustration towards your once lover and father of your child. you don't have to say it surely your words indicates those negative feelings. i am a stranger to you therefore my suggestions are freely given with the expectations that you will at first, dismiss it without regards but if you will take the time to carefully examine your self you will see that you..can make a bridge to the future for your child even if you want nothing to do with this man. you mailed an invitation to him, did you have your daughter call him to invite him in person? he is not a stranger. don't treat him like one. think about it.....good luck. Actually 2 weeks ago we were at my friends house, and he lives in the same neighborhood, he saw my truck and came to the house. When he pulled up, I said, Mashona there is your dad, and she took off running to the back of the house. I got her in the living room, and I said, come on outside, I will go with you if you want me too, and she said ok. so we went out and she gave him a hug, and said hey to him, and then me and her dad started talking about her school, pageants, sports, her life in general. I told him that i was having her a BIG birthday party the Saturday after her birthday, and that he was more than welcome to bring CJ-1 of Mashonas half brothers, and then he said well, this is my other son- dont remember his name, and introduced me to his girlfriend, and then he asked me was it ok to bring CJ, his girlfriend, and their son too. I said sure, I have no problem with that, and I maile the invitation to him to let him know when and where. We were actually civil- real civil with each other this day, kind of shocked the hits out of me... |
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many are the times when those unspoken words dictate and indicate your true feelings. these are the emotions that children pick up on. the tone of your initial posting thus indicate anger and frustration towards your once lover and father of your child. you don't have to say it surely your words indicates those negative feelings. i am a stranger to you therefore my suggestions are freely given with the expectations that you will at first, dismiss it without regards but if you will take the time to carefully examine your self you will see that you..can make a bridge to the future for your child even if you want nothing to do with this man. you mailed an invitation to him, did you have your daughter call him to invite him in person? he is not a stranger. don't treat him like one. think about it.....good luck. Actually 2 weeks ago we were at my friends house, and he lives in the same neighborhood, he saw my truck and came to the house. When he pulled up, I said, Mashona there is your dad, and she took off running to the back of the house. I got her in the living room, and I said, come on outside, I will go with you if you want me too, and she said ok. so we went out and she gave him a hug, and said hey to him, and then me and her dad started talking about her school, pageants, sports, her life in general. I told him that i was having her a BIG birthday party the Saturday after her birthday, and that he was more than welcome to bring CJ-1 of Mashonas half brothers, and then he said well, this is my other son- dont remember his name, and introduced me to his girlfriend, and then he asked me was it ok to bring CJ, his girlfriend, and their son too. I said sure, I have no problem with that, and I maile the invitation to him to let him know when and where. We were actually civil- real civil with each other this day, kind of shocked the hits out of me... |
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LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...
You are an awesome, wonderful mother-woman it seems. and yes kind of in the same sense. Thanks for the advise.
Thank you!!! You'll know and do what's right and take the hurt as we must.. You're a good mom it's easy to see.. try to divert the hurt to knowing that she'll love and respect you "even more" when she figures it out... My sons did.... I still hurt for them knowing their dad is an azz but I feel ok knowing I protected them and made them feel ok and very loved... |
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LIJ, I haven't read the other posts but I can tell you I have a similiar situation with my sons... The way I handled it was and is (still have a 12 yr old), I never ever let the boys know what was going on or what a piece of crap their dad is.. I let them think he was great.. Now the two oldest are grown and they know what an ass he is and that I protected them and kept them from it.. My youngest still has yet to learn.. but it will be on his terms if and when he's ready to realize and accept it.. until and even after he does.. I am going to protect him and support him and never give him reason to wonder why he isn't important enough to his father.. It hurts me but they are more important than I.. Their self-esteem and growing up feeling and being loved.. That is just me and what I did and still do.. jmho...
You are an awesome, wonderful mother-woman it seems. and yes kind of in the same sense. Thanks for the advise.
Thank you!!! You'll know and do what's right and take the hurt as we must.. You're a good mom it's easy to see.. try to divert the hurt to knowing that she'll love and respect you "even more" when she figures it out... My sons did.... I still hurt for them knowing their dad is an azz but I feel ok knowing I protected them and made them feel ok and very loved... Thanks again! |
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Anytime.. If you need to vent or talk feel free to email me..
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