Revenge is so sweet when you return good for evil. It was about her license then it was about her med pass. But she forgot about Helter Skelter. Helter Skelter comes when you have no one to turn to but the one you know you can always turn to. She says she will try to make it up to me. She left her achilles heal unprotected and that is her RN class. When ultra pandemonium hit and all the emergencies happen at once that is when you have to throw the rules and regulations to the wind and just do the best you can. So as I was leaving the home she called me an angel because I told her I would come in so she can go to her class. Ha ha. She knows I am her ticket out of this place.

I hope everyone is having a good week.

Today really sucked. I got to work and opened my e-mail and got a notice from the newspaper that carried my brother's obituary when he died last year that someone had made an entry in his "Legacy Book." It is a cool feature the paper offers that people can go into and write comments to the person who died and they apparently store them indefinitely. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my brother's death and I was holding it together until I saw that. I have spent the day in tears, talk about a sucky day. Guess I am lucky my office is in a closet and my back is to the hall. I just have to make it through the next couple of days and it will be okay, I didn't think it would be this hard, but his anniversary hit me hard.

Sorry for going on. I have to get off here for a bit, can't see the screen right now. Sorry.

i feel your pain marie.....my grandpa been gone 6 1/2 years and the anniversary still hits me hard





on another, happier note: THREE DAYS STILL I SEE MY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Its hard to lose someone you love and then those triggers. I pray comfort for you. You are not alone, Marie. My shoulder is here if need one.

I was going through some papers yesterday and found of my poems.........

would y'all mind reading it and tell me what you all think of it

http://www.justsayhi.com/topic/show/131010

Thanks Roy, I just may take you up on that. Has been a horrible couple of days. Maintained a little better control today than yesterday, but still really hard. Hope tomorrow will be better. Just seems like this year has sucked, thank God there is no "rewind" button that I could accidentally bump and have to do it all over again.

Karen - thank you for the wonderful e-mail, was good to hear from you. You are such a good friend and thanks for caring.

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week.

Oh, I hear ya, Marie. I hate having to learn the same lesson over and over, again. But unfortunately it is hard to be cognizant of everything that is going around me. Lately, it has behooved me to move slower. It is not always easy to do because I get into a real rut at times and have to stay busy but it is nice to mediate on things I have learned. I just hope I never get to old to be able to enjoy learning. Insanity for me has been making the same mistakes over and over, again. One person told me that recovery is learning how to make new mistakes so that I can learn from them. I know hindsight can be better than twenty twenty but I have walked backwards enough for now. I can remember my dad telling me to watch the ground so I didn't trip over a root on the ground and I did as he told me and hit my head on a branch. You can learn a lot sometimes by just walking through nature.

i dont normally post in here, but im wondering if someone can help me.

in the uk, we have alprazolam (another name for xanax)in dosages of 250-500 micrograms, does anyone know what that is in the equilevent dose of xanax, as in 1mg, 2mg?? i cant find the conversion.

thanks

Awwwwww, (((marie))) no problem and anytime you feel like writing, do it. I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time. I know how you feel about the one thing after another ride. Been straping myself in for the ride one too many time too. Had to drop my summer classes and had a flat yesterday. Towed the car to the mechanic and had to rob the bank to get the money to pay for it. I have no idea how Im going to get the $$$ back into the bank.

Had to have tires put on all the way around. Apparently, they are 8 years old and although the tread was good, they were rotting fromt he inside out. HMMPH!!!! Sighhhhhhh.

I do hope you have some good times soon and keep in touch. Huggers and take care of yourself!

Roy, lol. Ive a few lumps on my head and some stubeed toes and bruises from fallin on my face. Literally hahahaha.

Amber, how did your visit with your baby girl go? Tell us all!!!!!!

Everyone hi hi hi......

Karen, where I work one lady dares to challenge my title of the biggest smart ass on the wing. One aide was telling this resident that everyone loves Roy. My challenger said that she didn't love Roy. How dare her not love me. We will not have any of this I don't love Roy stuff. Such open defiance and she said it where I could hear it. The gall of some people. It was like pick on Roy, yesterday at work. But it was okay because I have broad shoulders and I can take it. I thought about telling her that I don't love her either but knowing that I am a bigger smartass than she is I let her slide.

eileen isn't here yet, and my day f.u.c.king SUCKS........i'm on the verge of doing something stupid.

Debbie - we are not doctors here and can't give medical advice. I don't think you should mix the two as they are both sedatives and you could overdose on them easily if you mix the two.

I suggest calling your doctor or a pharmacy and asking them the question, I have no idea about the conversion.

its not to take them together, its instead of. thanks anyway.

wish my shoulders were as broad as yours Roy......sighhhhhh. So amny thing that you can't discuss in open forum, or even in private for that matter.

Hi everyone. Got the tires slapped on the car. So at least I have wheels again. Friend is going to help me out with that, so a bit of the burden is lightened. I hate having to depened on others But I think God anyway for having them in the 1st place.

Amber, what happened?

I got screamed, yelled and cussed at over a piece of WEEK old steak....... and now.....my stepmom is badmouthing my brother and i'm getting pretty f.u.c.kin SICK AND TIRED OF IT. when he was living here, not only did he have to pay $200 rent to my stepmom, but he was paying a lot of the bills here too.........he's helped her out a lot more than her own damn kids do and she's only got bad things to say about him, and i'm just SICK AND TIRED of it.

bear with me y'all this is my vent poem......wrote it when i was homeless


I feel like hate
I feel like despair
I feel hopeless
I feel like rage

I don’t like being led on
Don’t tell me you love me
Don’t tell me you want to marry me
When you really don’t

When you love someone, I thought they were supposed to love you back
Not scream at you all the time
Not make you hate yourself
That’s what I thought anyway

Thought there was good in people
But I guess I was wrong
I thought there was something better than how I grew up
But I guess it’s an impossible dream

All I wanted was a chance, but I guess I’m not worthy in your eyes or the world’s
I’m tired of being seen and NOT heard
I have opinions, too
I HAVE FEELINGS TOO DAMN IT!

I won’t apologize for what’s wrong with me ANYMORE
I didn’t ask for this disease
Try living with my frame of mind for a day
Just ONE day
You couldn’t do it for an hour
So don’t b*tch and moan at me
I got enough sh*t on my plate

You don’t know what the hell I’ve been through
If you did, you’d be surprised that I’m not a psycho killer

I loved your poem, Amber. I could really feel the emotions that you went through. Oh, my have I went through those experiences at different times in my life. Thanks for sharing the poem with us. It was exquisitvely beautiful in its horror.

thank you, roy .......well eileen finally got here.....she's grown so much since christmas, and she weighs a freggin TON........lol, she didn't ask me to hold her like baby, but she wanted to play the potato sack game (you pick 'em up, put her over your shoulder, then go around to the family members asking if they've seen her and then claim you've not seen her but you do have a sack of potatoes)........and hurt my shoulder yet again.....but she's worth it.......i love the sound of her laughter....soothing to the soul

Amber, I just love my new body pillow I got from Walmart. I bought a new set of queen size sheets and having been trying to keep the dog off this set. I just don't get it. Why can't she just sleep with her puppies? I got a her a new big bag of dog food but afraid to take her and the puppies outside, yet because they are only about four inches long. Down to one puppy when they are old enough to wean. I still think these little Chichuachuas look like rats but I don't say loud enough for Sissy to hear. She shredded my mattress pad into a zillion pieces for a nest for the puppies. I thought she was a dog but she acts like a bird sometimes. If she doesn't straighten her act up I am thinking of replacing her with a cat. I noticed a stray cat in the back yard last night. Atleast cats will go in a litter box. One of the black male pups that I showed to this three year old girl who has claimed one of the pups with her grandmother's permission has named it Squeaker. Oh, man how would you like to go through life with a name like Squeeker?

well roy, eileen had a cat named The Bastard Webster...