i'm looking...................

I know how you feel, because I've been there. I was there for the past year after one girl burned me.

When I was really hurting, I got to the point where I didn't want to bother or try anymore, as my past experiences have been one headcase after the next. Women who start off as fun, friendly, happy, and into me...but then quickly turn into people who more need a therapist than a boyfriend. Usually they flake out, or do irrational things.

Now then, when the last time happened, I first felt that I needed to take a total break from dating and such. I devoted my time to me. Personal growth, goals, grad school, career, family, friends, hobbies. I learned to enjoy life again, especially without all the added drama in it, and to be happy and content with myself as single and alone.

Then I did something that I regarded as very important to my own personal growth - I rewrote my goals/plans in life.

I've noticed too many people who seemingly are unlucky in love tend to have their life's goals revolved around the idea of "finding someone". People who seemingly can only think about getting married, and thus feel that they are a total failure if it doesn't happen. Not good.

So my goals more are written in PENCIL (figuratively), and more revolve around the idea that I never find anyone in life, and thus grow old alone. This might sound depressing, but it only is depressing when you think of that life as sitting on a porch or couch alone, watching the world pass you by, feeling like you did nothing over your life.

How about instead imagine yourself as one of those more upbeat senior citizens or even the middle-aged person who's traveling the world? Maybe buy property in another country? Write a book? Start a business? Anything! So you didn't find love and start a family...imagine now you're able to do ANYTHING you want in your life!

So my goals now are to pay off my condo in 9 years, then save up a down payment and buy another condo in Thessaloniki, Greece. I fell in love with that city when I first saw it. I'd love to have a place there to just fly to either to chill for a vacation, share it with friends, or even as a hub point to see more of Europe. Even then I want to travel more and see this big planet. I also want to learn to play a piano, speak Greek, and anything else that interests me.

Now I said "written in PENCIL" for a reason. Way back, I remember of all things a beer commercial where the guy said "and you should write your life's plans in pencil, so you can erase and re-write it over and over as you go". I agree with that. Maybe I will meet Ms Right and get married, suddenly the Greece condo plans might become a single-family home. You never know.

NOW...in terms of scoot_42000's rant, I first think he should take a break from dating and trying. Stop feeling down and just do things to make yourself happy in life as a single male. If dating has been nothing but a bad situation for you, then get out of it for a while. Clear your head and mend your heart. You'll do worse if you sit there in anguish.

Rewrite your life's goals the way I did.

THEN...after a break, just live life. Be out there, be sociable, be HAPPY especially! Don't let the break become what I let it become...a means to avoid it all and hate women and dating. Be sure to take responsibility for any mistakes you think you made with past women. In the end, when you come to grips with yourself and really just be happy, people notice.

Would you notice the girl walking down the street with a big smile? or more notice the one with an angry look?

Things just might come then for you when you're not expecting it. Also treat these sites as just a means to meet people...not have it all be about "I WANT A GIRLFRIEND!" I noticed that while I never use Myspace as a dating site, when I removed any notion of wanting to date off my page, women just started adding me and messaging me. I don't get why, but I take that same approach here. Hence why I am looking for FRIENDS and not so much a girlfriend.

Don't get discouraged...because it just leads you to hate it all. Just take a break to clear your mind and mend your heart, then make your life about YOU, not "finding someone".

....so true, a long time ago...maybe 10-15 yrs ago I remember someone said "guys are lookin for the fun chick"...so I made a point to look like I was havin fun even if my heart wasn't in it...eventually it was, I'm still single (again) but I really like being a "fun chick" and I dont have to fake it till you make it any more...I'm great company even when I'm alone...lol..

....and about that looking thing...you cant be found if your not out there......



~wicked~

Women can be just as bad about us "stocky" guys! I've lost 90 lbs since my wife left me and I still can't get the time of day from women.

I know the OP's feelings. Too frustrated to keep looking, to lonely to give up!

try being 55 and single! It will only get worse with time! But,
I still won't settle for less then what I want!

I think men and women need to stop thinking it's wrong to not want fat/chubby/obese people as possible mates. It's all about personal taste, nothing more.

Just show them respect as human beings nonetheless. Everyone deserves that.

"Too pissed to try, and too lonely to give up."

I so hear you and feel your pain and frustration

You would think with all the dating sites out there, and all the lonely people, we all would find someone and no one would be lonely and/or frustrated any more!

What doesn't work hon? why not just chill and let it happen when it happens?

Nothing has worked for me so far either

be alright

I guess there is not much to say now, except hang in there.

You're not alone!!

well I'm 57 and am never lonely ... lol

I fancy being alone, mainly because my views are to outright and blunt for most people to accept. That and I guess some people find me negative, not my fault I find positivity in bad things.

I think the whole issue a lot of us have is that we're sooooo unhappy being single that we detract anyone from wanting to be around us.
Some of us act desperate or clingy when we do hang out with someone whether we realize it or not, and that scares people away, too.
Some of us push people away before they ever get close to save ourselves from rejection.

The whole thing is when people are positive and happy, they attract others... which is why lots of taken people look so damned attractive to us single people. Never say die, just learn to be happy with yourself and your life (need to take my own advice)!

i have wanted to give up many times but i know there is someone out there for me when i stop looking for him...i have talked to some great people and i am having fun..

You are soo not alone. I've gotten sooo frustrated with this and recently completely rethought the way I'm looking at this. I was wanting to date and getting tons of corny, cocky offers that never materialized. Now I'm having fun, making friends on the forums and forget about the rest. I don't walk down the street looking for a date, but might start a conversation with someone in a restaurant and have a nice evening without a date. It's really no different here. Give it a try...it's freeing to let the pressure off of a bit.

me, too.

i feel the same way.

Could that be why everyone that expresses an interest is 975000 miles away? People within dateable range of me...a couple hundred miles...will absolutely not respond to anything.