Since I began participating in the forums on here I've not only met a Aussie and Scottish friends but I've got a bunch of messages. Some are from Russia asking for my information but I still count them (attention is attention) I did also get a message from a very pretty girl in my state, so it worked and even more I'm happy I found this and enjoy the convo with you all!

I knew a model once that was on the coke diet, I thought this meant she only drank coca cola but I now know she only took cocaine and cigarettes. She looked fabulous though.

It's so funny what they allowed in the 20s as comedy, (the dog with tequila pic) I know for a fact that if you even say that you give a dog beer you get letters left and right, but in the 20s this was a no bs real idea for a movie "we dress two kids up in black face and have them act like jazz singers, then slap their wife." That was a good idea in the 1920 so when a old person says "they don't make them like they used to!" Say thank god.

How cops get married I have no clue. Hell for a cop a little throat grab after talking himself into a frenzy is like foreplay! I gotta say I've shared a few of my worst dates but my worst experience getting hit on was with 5 cops... I would given anything to trade night sticks for bad pickup lines that night.

I'm sorry I accidentally hit report not quote on this... Dunno what that means but I really hope you dont get sent to a Siberian prison or anything. I'm a bit of a hop head, comes with the territory of brewing! You ever made it to my neck of the woods? I gotta tell you if you like beer you'll love Colorado! We have tons of breweries, something about drinking at altitude brings the people here! Besides now you have a comic friend here!

well they didn't have a smiley that fit my emotions right that minute, if they had a gorgeous man with flowing red hair getting mistaken by a thai waitress for a woman I would have been all over it!

No need to remind me to relax guys, I'm almost always just joking around! Unless someone is pro puppy slaughter or something I'm just joking around!

I know for a fact I can hold my own with Aussies in a pub, my secret is that I live at around 5000 ft elevation so drinking at sea level is easy and doesn't have anywhere near the effect as it does in colorado! I think I could put a reasonable dent in that growler though! What alc/vol is it?

Of coarse he farted the entire way through the movie! He ate at taco bell! You're lucky he didn't ruin the theater seat! I was on a date and had grown my hair out to 18 inches to donate to locks of love (they make hair for kids going through chemo) and my date and I went to a thai place, so she was kinda looking at me like "seriously?!" To begin with which made me nervous so I began to drink (much like my new Scottish friend I agree all is not lost if I can still lose myself) and the waitress comes over and walks up behind me and says "can I get you ladies anything?" "oh I'm so sorry sir! Don't worry sir, long hairs suits you!" But I knew it did not suit me, some guys look great with flowing long hair, I however do not. I was still a little emasculated that she thought I was a woman, I mean I have shoulders like a linebacker! Anyway my date was watching me get very drunk to take the nerves away. She rightfully decided I was not driving (not that I was trying) and she drove me to her house, where even in my drunken state I quickly realized she was married, so I slept on their couch with them upstairs. She told her husband I was her friends date that got too drunk and in the middle of the night she tried to "came visit" me on the couch. It was bizarre.

That is exactly the attitude I'm talking about Mikey! Murder by beer, devious Aussies found my weakness! I brew beer (Denver is the capital of home brew) and I have what I like to call bottle of fall down, it's a beer with 19.5 alc/vol. If I sold this dark beer down under I'd be the first king of Australia right? I would be so screwed if I had a job where drinking wasn't mandatory, or if I had a job I had to do more than 35-40 minutes of work a night. So what the **** is this ******** censor ****? I dislike censorship. If I wanna say ********************* ******** I will!

I went to a Emo concert with a girlfriend back in high school, 10 years ago. So I'm basically a expert. From what I saw Emo is when you have the entire world in front of you and have so much to be happy about and you just take that and ignore it all, you then hate everything and sing songs about how sad you are about one failed relationship at the old age of 17. Cause who would know better how horrible the world is other than a teenager? You then eventually grow up and apologize to everyone for being Emo. That was just my experience with it though, we were all just wacky kids.

It's 5 am here. Damn Aussies keeping me up, I thought I would get some sleep on the other side of the planet!

"Are you reading my mind? Seriously, though if you are reading my mind you gotta stop! That's not cool! I will call the police!" That was one of the worst first date conversations I've ever had, she insisted we meet in a bar then called me an alcoholic for going to a bar before the sun was down. After I told her it wasn't working out she began sending seductive messages to my friend, he was upset since he was newly married and his wife found them, before he did. What is your worst date ever? If it was with me, I just want to warn everyone ahead of time she's totally lying...

I mean it's alright if you want friends that will try to kill you by telling you that the aboriginal gods will bless you if you swim across a shark and croc infested river, then laugh and pull you on the boat handing you a beer as they say "you shouldn't have done that mate, we didn't expect you to do that!" That's just one of the many ways Aussies tried to kill me, speed boats, alcohol, jeep crashes. I would warn Americans against moving there, it's a nation of psychopaths. (There Mikey happy? I talked everyone in the states out of even coming to meet the most fun people on earth, for you! You feel like going and pushing a fellow Aussie into some painful situation? I promised him I'd get him back when he least expected it, he will be least expecting it while I'm on another continent!)

yeah it can be all that but it's also boring and depressing, imagine going to a dark lonely hotel room every night in different cities. It wears you down like you would never expect. Not to mention boring being in different city not knowing anyone and sitting around a weird room all day waiting to go on stage. It isn't always a picnic. But its usually better than a picnic, the highs are higher than you can believe! Now if I can just get them to pay me the bags of money you speak of... Not to get a girl but just to buy a Pagani or some other absurdly expensive car!

Aussies always have the best stories, I wish I was down in Australia again right now! I could spend the next 5 days telling you stories about my time there but I'm needed back here in the states so I can't be telling a week long story time or taking the trip. My standup comedy mentor is Australian and it was the best I've ever been, hell I could walk up and just smile and talk to girls on the beach and I was the guy girls went crazy over a accent for! It's a wonderful place for many many reasons!

It's ok everyone I finally got out! I'll never go meet a man selling a mystery box on craigslist again! Just goes to show what the power of positive thought can do!

I'm thinking about how I could escape from my prison cell... Wait is this anon? I'm sure it is! Besides it doesn't matter I'll be gone just as soon as I bend these bars!...... Nvm I couldn't bend the bars, I'm still here.

It's funnier uncensored. you get the point.

So a guy is getting ready for work one day when out of nowhere he hears a voice, a voice he can feel is God. The voice says "quit your job, sell your house and take all your money and go to Vegas." He's startled and ignores it. Later on while he's driving he hears the voice again "quit your job, sell your house and take all your money and go to Vegas" but yet again he ignores it. Later on at work he's hearing it every 5 minutes, so he does as the voice says. He hears nothing until he's getting off the plane and hears "Go to Caesars" so he does, he walks in and hears the voice again it says "go put every penny on black 17 at the roulette table." So he does, the dealer spins the wheel as he prepares himself to win huge. The dealer finally calls out "winner, red 22" the man is in shock but again he hears the voice say "****!"