And wouldn't that make both him and you unhappy?

I believe that that is exactly what people mean when they say settle in this manner--they mean they can't get who they really wanted. So yes, they're unhappy and they make you unhappy.

All this talk about how you (global, not specific) would rather be alone than with someone not right for you is hooey. It's hooey because it's just dramatic, over-the-top, meaningless prattle because how many would actually choose to be with someone they don't really want? It's a great sound bite, I guess, but everybody pretty much understands that they want the right person, not just any person.

Though, I do remember having a "pact" with someone back in my 20's and we said that if we weren't married by 40 or something we'd marry each other. Thankfully, we never had to honor that pact.

I meant "you" in a global sense, rather than a specific sense.


Thanks for getting what I was talking about.


Do you think, though, that people stay with an abusive person because it's at least someone in their life? I guess I think it's more complicated than that, though I imagine for some it may be only that.

***

I have a lot of trouble with the word "deserves". It seems a bit entitled, and I'm not sure where the idea of deserving comes from. How do you figure out who deserves what and what do you have to do to deserve something over something else? Are there levels of deserve that someone can strive for?



Edited to add: I've never watched an episode of Dr. Who. I probably should, huh?

But are you unhappy and chafing because you had to wear the blue dress instead? Is the blue dress so horrible and makes you feel so ugly but because you have to wear something you have to keep it?

Are you unhappy and chafing because you couldn't afford the Maybach and the Dodge just makes you terribly unhappy but you have to have a car so dangit, you'll just have to make due and keep wishing you could afford what you deserve?

Can't you still be happy when driving the Dodge while wearing the blue dress?

I'm not saying that one should settle for (and in that case I am using the modifier of "for" rather than "upon" or "down" that does indeed change its meaning) what makes them unhappy. But I do question all that people believe they deserve. Generally, people do not take less than what they want. In clothing, cars, or people. It's counterproductive to take what you don't really like, and I'm not sure many do that.

You say you "deserve" a certain kind of love, and nothing will make you settle for less. OK. Why is that even a question? Who is making anyone do that? Which is why I say that people say that because they can't have what they want so they save face by saying they won't settle.

Is there really a whole lot of either/or things others are making people do? You either have to have this mean person or no one at all! There are only two choices for you! You must be alone forever or 'settle for' this person who is nothing that you want (let alone "deserve".)

I'm just saying sometimes when you settle upon something that maybe wasn't exactly what you wanted it turns out to be the right thing and exactly what you didn't realize you wanted.

I think it goes back to those checklists that some people have about who they'll date. You know, I deserve this and this and that and this so he or she has to be this and that, etc. I threw mine out the window and discovered that there are a lot of people out there who would be great companions and would maybe even broaden my horizons and open up new worlds. I stopped thinking I deserved something specific and decided to look at what was offered and deciding if I liked it.

How does settling mean you're getting less than what you think you should have? Why would anyone do that?

How does settling mean you're with someone who doesn't make you happy and you're miserable but you're gonna stay anyway? Why would anyone do that?

Maybe it's more about how you can't find what you're looking for so mouthing a platitude that doesn't mean much makes you feel better about it?

I don't mean to be contentious and mean, but if you decide upon someone, you've determined he or she is one you want, so you settle upon and settle down.

You're not settling for someone because you can't get who you really want. Or is that what you mean when you say settle?

No?

I think there are many much more intelligent and romantic and sensible and knowledgeable minds than mine and what they've said about love I find quite compelling and quotable.

Could be.

Makes more sense than other reasons.

Why is settling such a dirty word?

When you choose what to wear for the day, do you settle upon a particular outfit?

When you decide to buy a new car, so you decide between a couple before you settle upon one?

When you go out to eat and are torn between the steak or the shrimp, don't you settle upon one of them?


Does settling make any of those choices wrong or lesser than?

true



I'm not going to tell someone who says they fell right away that they didn't. How can I know their heart?

I met my late husband through a dating site, but the first one I mentioned, I met at work.

I remember going home that night and telling people I had met the man I was going to marry. We didn't, but we were together for ten years.


I've often wondered if it's a personality thing in that you can just let go like that, or if it's something that you have to be in the right mood or in the right place or something.

I have loved at first sight. Twice in my life, as a matter of fact. One I married and still love even though he's passed on. It wasn't just lust, but love that deepened with time. I saw him and just knew.

I am sitting on the edge of my seat, awaiting another excerpt.

"The approach"....on with it, man!

Do you mean online or in real life?


A message that just says hi will most likely be ignored. I suppose she could answer with a hi. And then what will you do?

lol

I hate when that happens.

I had a corgi just before moving down here. We had a tot lot and park in our back yard, and that dog would race down to the park to play with the kids and on the playground equipment.

Unfortunately, not all the moms got that he was just there to play with and herd their children.

I was usually racing after him, screaming out his name, to bring him back and not scare the moms. He was headstrong and rarely came back when called. He thought he knew better.

I miss that dog.

Thank you.

It's the push-up bra. Pushes 'em right up to my chin.

Batcat!

I have a little locked drawer in the files of my mind where I shove those images into. Even though sometimes they get out, generally it works. I have developed a whole lot of ticks, grimaces, and shudders, though.

What? They're not just my admiring public?

Apparently, this is the place to be. I'm learning all sorts of stuff.

I am having cherry koolaid.


Just thought I'd share that with the group.



Anyone want a glass?

When you can't imagine them not in your life. When you don't want to imagine it.