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I think looks are in our head,, that is to say, we learn to associate certain physical attributes with certain emotions and then those attributes cause those emotions,,,,like pavlovs experiment,,, but that's another topic,,lol anyway, in REAL TIME, Id say that looks definitely can be one thing that catch my attention , but character and personality are what cause me to 'feel' someone with the right character becomes more and more physically attractive to me over time,, and someone with crappy character becomes less physically attractive so, Id say, its character and personality that win everytime in the REAL WORLD online, its easier to narrow things down with photos and THEN check the profile for character and compatibility... Pavlov's Experiment is a great analogy, I wrote a blog about that last year. |
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Edited by
alexfon68
on
Sun 02/16/14 10:22 AM
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I think if a woman goes after a man he thinks she's desperate. It's one thing to hint around that you like him, but I think he should make the first move. Obviously, that doesn't work for everyone, but that's what makes me comfortable. what if a woman is attracted to another woman, who takes the lead? Hmmmm, well, from what I know of those kind of relationships, which isn't much, but there's always one that feels more "masculine" so maybe she should take the lead. Heck, I don't know. I like men, not women, 
 Many men are breathing a sigh of relief right now :-)
Cue in Crystal, you want to take it from here. |
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Topic:
Thespian
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I see some proclaim themselves to be a lesbian
How do we know you are not a thespian You can be anything you want to be on here With no hindrance of fear Oh Dear! |
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I think if a woman goes after a man he thinks she's desperate. It's one thing to hint around that you like him, but I think he should make the first move. Obviously, that doesn't work for everyone, but that's what makes me comfortable. agree 
Hi, Crystal
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I think if a woman goes after a man he thinks she's desperate. It's one thing to hint around that you like him, but I think he should make the first move. Obviously, that doesn't work for everyone, but that's what makes me comfortable. what if a woman is attracted to another woman, who takes the lead? |
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It does matter to me what's on a profile because most of the women on the forums simply live too far away for dating. I'm just not a very visual person though and it doesn't matter how good looking that they are if there's nothing else there to catch my interest, or if there's something else there that puts me off. +1 Agreed with your statement. |
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Topic:
Here I am
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Here I am on Mingle
Letting the world know I am single looking for something specific Can't find it!! Oh terrific!!! Who wants to get married? What, are all of them buried? Boo Hoo Shame on you I know, will start a thread The blame I will spread Cry and Moan about being alone. |
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If Im limited to dating site 'looks', as long as it doesnt look like a mug shot, and its a kind face, then Im good. It really becomes more about the communication style. Unfortunately, that can be faked somewhat online so the 'in person' bit is pretty important early on. Like Duttoneer said, 'as long as its not extremes' resonates. Like alexfon68 said, the rule book goes out the window for the right one. Yes, agree with that. Kind of makes you wonder about that rule-book, doesn't it? Why do we create one to begin with? Maybe the make ourselves feel more comfortable, maybe makes it easier to deal with rejection and/or not having found someone yet? After all you can then say "He doesn't comply with my rule-book!" If it's true that it's mostly women that think when it comes to this, whereas men feel (according to this book, which so far rings true in everything the author stated), then I guess it's mostly women that have rule-books, not men? Hence men here complaining sometimes about us with our 'demands' and 'lists'. Hmmm ... lots of insights! Which I like. Instead of bickering at each other, we may get some more understanding of the other gender. You are right on target, my rulebook was based on past experiences and negative things said by people on dating sites, one in particular and it was not Mingle. I think there is a possibility when or if I find that woman, there will be things not in that rulebook. Flexibility is a huge key. Rulebook based on fantasy will only lead to disappointment and missing out on something special. Thank you for posting, KLC. I like the way you think. Indeed true that you should base it on life's experiences as well. The only bummer is that I think most people base it on the bad stuff, as in "I don't ever want a man/woman who does this that and the other". I think it's important to go for a positive approach, not state what you do NOT want, but state what you DO want (many ppl don't even know what they do want, only what they do not want!). Meaning you've learnt from past experiences and grown because of it, as opposed to still being hurt by them. For some this might be self-explanatory, but I think for a great many people it isn't. Just check people's profile texts, most are written in negatives: "I don't want this, if you are like that, move on, you're not for me!" and so on and so forth. Based on those negatives people create a list of demands/rule-book. I did some reading on how to make a really good, appealing profile text and the most important thing is to steer clear from those negatives. State what you do want, not what you do not want. Point I'm trying to make: people base their rule-book on past experiences, but most don't do it the right way (and possibly aren't even aware of it). I was basing mine on good and bad experiences. My best relationships with women were ones that maintained a positive outlook, a sense of humor and very intelligent. The bad ones were the poor poor pitiful me ones and ones that it was only about them and it was everyone's fault. So true, many profiles are negative in nature and all they do is make me grateful that I don't know them. A profile that is a well thought out and well expressed will at least get people to read them and hopefully it goes from there. |
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Topic:
broken heart
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Thank you for posting and that was good.
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If Im limited to dating site 'looks', as long as it doesnt look like a mug shot, and its a kind face, then Im good. It really becomes more about the communication style. Unfortunately, that can be faked somewhat online so the 'in person' bit is pretty important early on. Like Duttoneer said, 'as long as its not extremes' resonates. Like alexfon68 said, the rule book goes out the window for the right one. Yes, agree with that. Kind of makes you wonder about that rule-book, doesn't it? Why do we create one to begin with? Maybe the make ourselves feel more comfortable, maybe makes it easier to deal with rejection and/or not having found someone yet? After all you can then say "He doesn't comply with my rule-book!" If it's true that it's mostly women that think when it comes to this, whereas men feel (according to this book, which so far rings true in everything the author stated), then I guess it's mostly women that have rule-books, not men? Hence men here complaining sometimes about us with our 'demands' and 'lists'. Hmmm ... lots of insights! Which I like. Instead of bickering at each other, we may get some more understanding of the other gender. You are right on target, my rulebook was based on past experiences and negative things said by people on dating sites, one in particular and it was not Mingle. I think there is a possibility when or if I find that woman, there will be things not in that rulebook. Flexibility is a huge key. Rulebook based on fantasy will only lead to disappointment and missing out on something special. Thank you for posting, KLC. I like the way you think. |
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Ive met great people on other sites too. Just not the right one yet. Online is just another venue. Theres still a mix of jerks and great people. Amen!! |
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Think people miss the point of what I'm asking, so I'm copying a bit of text here that should explain it: There are many ways that we women try to control our partner, whether we'��re single and '��chasing' him without realizing it. .... If you'��re a single woman and a dating relationship is just beginning with a man, or he'��s teetering on the edge of a real commitment, this kind of masculine energy can look and feel to him like you’re desperate or '��chasing'�� him just when he needs most to be chasing you. We may not even be aware that we'��re doing it, or we may think that we’re simply being 'helpful'�� or '��pro-active' instead of seeing our behavior for what it really is: An attempt to steer things in the direction we want them to go. .... Single And Dating: Control Through '��Chasing'��: Are you habitually reverting to your masculine energy in a relationship by '��chasing'�� him without knowing it? We might think we'��re being '��friendly'�� by sending a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake, but unless a man is steadily coming toward you all on his own, these actions are really subtle ways in which we try to control relationship -�� and they can end up pushing a man away. I suppose we have established that it's okay for a woman to make initial contact. But then it can happen that you have an overwhelming first connection and suddenly you don't hear from him for a day, or a few days. Now typical me, and from what I understand "typical woman thinking", is "Oh my god! Why doesn't he get in touch?! Did I do/say something wrong???" Next I have to force myself to not get concerned/worried/panic and text/message him. And often end up doing so after hours of pulling my hair out. BUT, what if a guy just needs this time 'off' to digest what's going on? Then texting / messaging him at that moment, won't go down well? So, is it TRUE that men need that time 'off' to digest and women should just trust him (and themselves actually) and simply let go and let him come back (or not, lol) Do men work that way (needing that time 'off'?) Online dating is a tricky situation because you don't see the body language or hear the voice on the phone. People do need breaks from posting online, if you have a life outside the cyberworld. Well, most do. Hopefully, the person who needs the break will send a message by saying I will be offline for a time or something like that. Imagination can run wild and insecurities can creep in. One has to be strong in that situation and have confidence in yourself. Breathe, exhale... just breathe and don't pull your hair. Haha, I don't intend to! But I find it's ever so easy to slip in old ruts. This is not totally about me, also based on what I read in that book Have the Relationship You Want. Just interested if it really works like that and how people here think about this. I think that many women already hear the wedding-chimes when they have a good exchange with a man as opposed to just enjoying the moment. Exactly what that books says as well, women think too much, and contrary to common belief, men are the ones that feel. I don't like admitting to it, but I do see truth in that ... |
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Think people miss the point of what I'm asking, so I'm copying a bit of text here that should explain it: There are many ways that we women try to control our partner, whether we'��re single and '��chasing' him without realizing it. .... If you'��re a single woman and a dating relationship is just beginning with a man, or he'��s teetering on the edge of a real commitment, this kind of masculine energy can look and feel to him like you’re desperate or '��chasing'�� him just when he needs most to be chasing you. We may not even be aware that we'��re doing it, or we may think that we’re simply being 'helpful'�� or '��pro-active' instead of seeing our behavior for what it really is: An attempt to steer things in the direction we want them to go. .... Single And Dating: Control Through '��Chasing'��: Are you habitually reverting to your masculine energy in a relationship by '��chasing'�� him without knowing it? We might think we'��re being '��friendly'�� by sending a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake, but unless a man is steadily coming toward you all on his own, these actions are really subtle ways in which we try to control relationship -�� and they can end up pushing a man away. I suppose we have established that it's okay for a woman to make initial contact. But then it can happen that you have an overwhelming first connection and suddenly you don't hear from him for a day, or a few days. Now typical me, and from what I understand "typical woman thinking", is "Oh my god! Why doesn't he get in touch?! Did I do/say something wrong???" Next I have to force myself to not get concerned/worried/panic and text/message him. And often end up doing so after hours of pulling my hair out. BUT, what if a guy just needs this time 'off' to digest what's going on? Then texting / messaging him at that moment, won't go down well? So, is it TRUE that men need that time 'off' to digest and women should just trust him (and themselves actually) and simply let go and let him come back (or not, lol) Do men work that way (needing that time 'off'?) Online dating is a tricky situation because you don't see the body language or hear the voice on the phone. People do need breaks from posting online, if you have a life outside the cyberworld. Well, most do. Hopefully, the person who needs the break will send a message by saying I will be offline for a time or something like that. Imagination can run wild and insecurities can creep in. One has to be strong in that situation and have confidence in yourself. Breathe, exhale... just breathe and don't pull your hair. |
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Here is another serving of food for thought, we all have parameters in what we want in the perfect person. Would the 'love of our life' somehow navigate around or perhaps fall through the cracks of our rules and regulations? That person would redefine the rulebook or make us just throw the thing out. There was this wonderful exercise in this book that could help get an answer to that question. It was about imagining the relationship you dream of. It starts in bed when you wake up with him/her next to you and look in each other's eyes. Then you have to imagine what the rest of the day would look like with this person in your ideal relationship. In detail, till the moment you are in bed again and fall asleep in each other's arms. Preferably write it down. I was reluctant to do it, but decided to give it a go. I got an A4. And the insight was amazing: It has NOTHING to do with him being handsome, slim, tall or whatever. It's all about the interaction, the vibe. You then have to find three things in the story that stand out to you. And think of what the core meaning of those are. Amazing! I came up with 4 instead of 3. And it made it clear that having a rule-book can limit your chances of finding the right person. It's about the interaction, the connection. Difficult to set up parameters for those. I think the best way to set up some form of parameter is by writing the right profile text? If that has the right, real vibe of who you are, it might help you attract the partner with whom you can have this great relationship. That would be paramount on most dating sites, this one has a forum that can replace a profile. Just my opinion. That is another topic. Crystal, this is a great topic and it is appreciated by this poster :-) A great way to spend a cold winter sunday morning engaging in a topic with an intelligent lady. Thank you 
I'm enjoying it as well on a sunny Sunday afternoon :) Lots of good stuff coming up! I am so looking forward to it. :-) |
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Edited by
alexfon68
on
Sun 02/16/14 06:19 AM
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It does not matter if you are male or female, you should go after what you want. (Exception to that rule are the scammers)
You may not get what you want, but you have to make the attempt. Sitting on the sidelines will not do a person any good. |
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I'm thinking that I'm tired of hearing grown men whine about why girls won't date them. Grow a pair and move on!!!  At last. Someone finally said it.
+1 But the same thing can be said about certain female posters. There is alot of wine and cheese being served on here. |
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Edited by
alexfon68
on
Sun 02/16/14 06:12 AM
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Here is another serving of food for thought, we all have parameters in what we want in the perfect person. Would the 'love of our life' somehow navigate around or perhaps fall through the cracks of our rules and regulations? That person would redefine the rulebook or make us just throw the thing out. There was this wonderful exercise in this book that could help get an answer to that question. It was about imagining the relationship you dream of. It starts in bed when you wake up with him/her next to you and look in each other's eyes. Then you have to imagine what the rest of the day would look like with this person in your ideal relationship. In detail, till the moment you are in bed again and fall asleep in each other's arms. Preferably write it down. I was reluctant to do it, but decided to give it a go. I got an A4. And the insight was amazing: It has NOTHING to do with him being handsome, slim, tall or whatever. It's all about the interaction, the vibe. You then have to find three things in the story that stand out to you. And think of what the core meaning of those are. Amazing! I came up with 4 instead of 3. And it made it clear that having a rule-book can limit your chances of finding the right person. It's about the interaction, the connection. Difficult to set up parameters for those. I think the best way to set up some form of parameter is by writing the right profile text? If that has the right, real vibe of who you are, it might help you attract the partner with whom you can have this great relationship. That would be paramount on most dating sites, this one has a forum that can replace a profile. Just my opinion. That is another topic. Crystal, this is a great topic and it is appreciated by this poster :-) A great way to spend a cold winter sunday morning engaging in a topic with an intelligent lady. |
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Here is another serving of food for thought, we all have parameters in what we want in the perfect person. Would the 'love of our life' somehow navigate around or perhaps fall through the cracks of our rules and regulations? That person would redefine the rulebook or make us just throw the thing out.
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I have experienced being in a relationship with men belonging to both extremes. With my habibi, his physical attributes initially caught my attention; but his good character, his outstanding intellect and his remarkable personality kept me there. I'm thinking looks are more about the initial attraction? But even then, I don't need someone to be an Adonis, it's more about the vibe, the way he moves, look in his eyes etc. So basically comes down to confidence again. At first glance I wouldn't 'go' for a guy with a belly, but having said that, I do know this guy who is very confident (not cocky, confident), he does have quite the tum, so not an Adonis in that sense. But dang, is that man sexy! Women swarm around him, even though he's married and has that tum! Stupid thing is, you aren't even aware of his physique at all when you're talking to him. He's just very attractive. From your description, he has mojo. Similar to a commercial here in the US with the "Most interesting man in the world" - Stay thirsty my friend.
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Edited by
alexfon68
on
Sun 02/16/14 04:52 AM
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Another attractive quality is consistency of character. An example of this can be found online. One could have attractive pictures, have a well thought out profile, but on the forums, a different picture is painted with an overkill of emoticons.
On other dating sites, you have to chat or text someone for a period of time to reveal that inconsistancy. A benefit of Mingle is the forum, you can get an idea of the consistency of a person without direct communication. Food for thought. |
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