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Uh-oh! My fiance is online and posting! How do i delete this thread! lol! All i want is a pretty blonde Scottish girl that will accept me for my really strange sense of humour! THAT is the wish I hope you get brother. You might be a mental freakshow. But you are a good man who is a mental freakshow. I consider you a friend. Earn that wish. And stop trying to suck tape worms out of peoples colons. Thanks Krupa! I'm not sure i can give up on the tape worms though, so be a good pal, and bend over for me! |
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Uh-oh! My fiance is online and posting! How do i delete this thread! lol! All i want is a pretty blonde Scottish girl that will accept me for my really strange sense of humour! I can always attach a strap on, colour a couple of my teeth in black, cut my legs down to dwarf size and smother myself in gorgonzola cheese.......you just needed to ask darlin ;) I think this is proof we are made for eachother! Brilliant. Babe...I'm ASKING! Well we may have to compromise....how about i kneel, use parmesan instead of gorgonzola, bottle my own fart and inhale them before we kiss.....will that do? I think i might actually prefer it that way actually. Can you supply me bottles of farts for me to use when you are not around? And also, if you don't mind me asking, could i shave your hair off, baste you in oil, and leave you out in the hot sun until you look like you are 90? |
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Uh-oh! My fiance is online and posting! How do i delete this thread! lol! All i want is a pretty blonde Scottish girl that will accept me for my really strange sense of humour! I can always attach a strap on, colour a couple of my teeth in black, cut my legs down to dwarf size and smother myself in gorgonzola cheese.......you just needed to ask darlin ;) I think this is proof we are made for eachother! Brilliant. Babe...I'm ASKING! |
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Uh-oh! My fiance is online and posting! How do i delete this thread! lol!
All i want is a pretty blonde Scottish girl that will accept me for my really strange sense of humour! |
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Topic:
WANNA MONKEY AROUND?
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I thought Moving Monkey's was the title of Lex's next book.
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If there weren't stupid and crazy people in the world then none of the rest of us could be intelligent or sane.
Thank the lord for the conspiracy theorists! |
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I'm not sure, are they all in Verne?
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Topic:
Im new-pics finally up :)
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It wasn't the same without you though. Please don't be away for that long again.
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Topic:
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARKECEPHUS"
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You have a load of birthday wishes on facebook too. But it doesnt look like you go on there anymore!
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American women like to be referred to as 'babydoll'.
They like to wait on their men hand and foot. The American woman knows that she is inferior and should be subserviant at all times. They like to stay at home, rarely going out anywhere without their partner. Occasionally, maybe once a year, they like to meet a girlfriend in Starbucks for a quick coffee. After they are happy to go back home to finish the laundry. American women do not expect complete faithfulness from their men. They just want a man who will not hit them TOO often. American women like to receive emails from men from all over the world. They might appear uninterested to begin with, but don't let this put you off. They will become more interested after the 30th or 40th one. Trust me on this, they love to be bombarded. American woman will send you money of you ask nice enough. |
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If I was 40 years younger I would be at your feet. Nothing like an old man with a foot fetish to cheer a young girl up! |
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Just because nobody asked you, doesnt mean nobody wanted to. Weddings aren't generally a place to pick women up anyway. People often just stick around the people that they know.
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and I was still hoping I had a chance w/ my blender did someone at some point say something about whips?  
No, i think you were just fantasising! Go and take a cold shower. |
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So i check in briefly before bedtime to see if some fkd up beast with AIDS, Bi-polar, prostrate cancer and Jaundis has been in touch, and all you beautiful people are using my thread to chat about other sexy biotches. I am fkn LIVID! I will deal with you all in the morning. G'night, Dan. 
It was quite a good night actually. I dreamt about an old lady on deaths door, who had a severe liver problem, scurvy, ring worm, and a prolapsed anus. VERY raunchy! |
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And what exactly would happen if one was lactose intolerant?! Good question. They should probably stay away from Kelis, although im not sure how much milkshake will be left anyway, with all the boys there. |
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Well that makes a lot more sense.
Who said it was boobs?...See? I told ya you were talking rubbish! |
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So i check in briefly before bedtime to see if some fkd up beast with AIDS, Bi-polar, prostrate cancer and Jaundis has been in touch, and all you beautiful people are using my thread to chat about other sexy biotches.
I am fkn LIVID! I will deal with you all in the morning. |
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And when i say beaucoup, i mean beaucoup.
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Sir Dan... I hereby bestow upon thee the Nom de Plume "Skid Mark" Bear it with pride brother. I will do, thank you kind sir pour l'honneur! But i must admit, i spoilt them avec beaucoup de semen. |
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Is there anyone out there for me? If there are no Transexuals here i would be willing to consider really ugly women with deep voices. ----------- Or if there are any attractive women that will wear a boiler suit and let me call them Bob? ----------- Any African women with plates in their lips? ----------- Burns Victims? ----------- All i want is a burnt Downs Sydromed African Transexual with a 12 inch lip plate. Is that really too much to ask? ----------- I would settle for a 200lb hermaphroditic crippled midget if thats all that is available. ----------- I forgot to add that it would be preferable if they had four or more children, all from different murderous psychotic gangster fathers. ----------- All i want is a woman with chronic acne and a club foot who has a beard and no teeth. ----------- Trailer park?! I dont want a rich one! I want one that lives in a cave and eats shrubs. ----------- C'mon ladies! I just want a flat chested Thalidamide Bulgarian shot putter who's into beastiality and self-harming. ----------- All i want is a wheelchair bound Aborigine with Elephantitis of the forehead who smokes crack through a didgeridoo. ----------- intelligent ladies can get lost. I just want a retard with a face like its been hit with a shovel, and a body like a sack of spuds. ----------- All i want is a bald epileptic transgendered quadriplegic kitten rapist. ----------- Do you have any pictures of a hairy pidgeon-chested one-testicled ladyboy with no toes who talks like Stephen Hawking? If not how about a toothless grandad wearing a diaper who has a poo beard and three walking sticks stuck up his rear passage? (I am flexible about the number of walking sticks). ----------- How about an albino Whoopie Goldberg lookalike with a 6 inch clitoris who poos through the wrong end of a funnel into a box of dead kittens? ----------- If only you had a full facial tattoo, 12 anal peircings, a gangrene leg and smelt of blue cheese. ----------- My favourite was the alien because she had an acidic vagina which burnt through my penis. ----------- I just want to meet a Zulu woman who has a tumour on her face the size of a small car and eats babies whilst bouncing on a pogo stick. ----------- I wanna meet a woman who is 12 inches high and 7 foot wide who has chronic constipation and faeces dripping from her eyeballs. ----------- I just want a hermaphrodite with Tourettes that wears Depends and has a fetish for goats. ----------- Feta is too mild, i'm sorry. I need a cheesey smell that will make me vomit from 20 metres. ----------- I like girls who look like Hitler who have one leg shorter than the other and have at least one nipple which constantly leaks. ----------- That is assuming that she has HIV and speaks like a deranged dolphin. ----------- If only you had a penis with a smelly discharge dangling where your nose should be, webbed toes, vampire fangs and a 10 ft Mohawk. ----------- I'm actually quite scared that you copy and pasted all my posts into one post! You are more freaky than anything i have described! haha If only you had a penis with a smelly discharge dangling where your nose should be, webbed toes, vampire fangs and a 10 ft Mohawk. Why, thank you :-) Note, I added the last one too :-) With a list we can tell if someone, say, meets 99% of your criteria, but maybe is just too normal. I dont think i will find someone here, but thank you for your positivity. I am currently saving up for a trip to Chernobyl, i think that could be my most likely location of finding someone suitable. I want a girl that had so much radiation poisioning that she had grown a third breast before having had to have a treble mastectomy performed by a blind doctor on Ecstacy, with a chainsaw, whilst dictating his lifes memoirs to a rabid poodle. She would also need to have poisoned hooks instead of hands and a ginger goatee beard, |
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