OK folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code:

A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff.

Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods).

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.
Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not
limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservoir Dogs, Fight Club, etc.etc.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt)
NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

Thought this was pretty good.

So it doesn't matter to you that they were using them in crimes, it would be different if it was another part of the country and only the police were involved? Criminals using firearms should be left unchecked if the police force don't have the man power to keep up with it? Never mind the fact that all those people that were deployed down there was to help them out and all they could do in return is fire on them. Seriously man, think about what you post before you type it. That matter was not a constitutional problem which you seem to be stuck on, it is a criminal matter and the way that the weapons were used. If they are killing people then you are mistaken if you think they should keep their weapons.

yeah those are the people that really need to keep possession of firearms....

LOL seriously guy, I had to do one more for the road for this response. Is it the military going in and arresting these citizens or is it the FBI/CIA/Homeland Security? Under that act it was determined by Congress that it was not unconstitutional so therefore your point invalidated again. Keep running in circles around the same moot points, eventually you may have something but I highly doubt it and you will probably even take this out of context too but hey, nothing I can do about that.

Have a great day and Semper Fidelis!

OMG you cannot really be serious, please go back and reread the entire post, all of them actually. This has went from a constructive debate to trolling. If you really cannot understand the difference between orders and constitutional rights then I am done with this part of the conversation. NEXT!!

For one congress would never allow that to happen as it is against the constitutional rights of all Americans to bear arms. Second, if said act of the President was not unconstitutional then yes it is every soldier,sailor,airmen and Marines duty to follow orders or die trying. Pretty simple when you really think about it.

again the most likely of scenarios.

No they don't have a choice, one thing I was always taught in the Marines is do what your told and if you have a problem with it, come back after the job is done and discuss your problems with your superior and you may just find an underlying cause to why they need it done in a particular way.

I was in no way meaning to demean you in anyway and I am sorry if I came across that way. But trying to take the oath and break it down in order of importance is ignorant and in turn is not a legitimate argument in any forum you take it to. The soldiers job is not to question why, but to do or die. Can you imagine the death toll count in any war where military personal constantly questioned orders just for their own self satisfaction. This is bigger than any one person and for anyone to think that it is all about them seriously needs to consider some professional medical help.

Oh and it is not just the Marine Corps that takes that oath before shipping to boot camp, it is every service and if you don't believe that head on over to the MEPS station and sit in on one, every person will be wearing a name tag with what branch of service they are enlisting in.

Not even gonna touch that, if you honestly believe that is the likeliest of scenarios, then sure, your right, keep watching CNN. Seriously losing faith in the American school systems.

It is pretty cut and dry, whether he believed the war to be illegal or not is not his call. He signed a contract and took an oath that a lot of service members consider to be on par with marriage vows. I don't expect any of you that have never "been there, done that" to understand and you can flame me all you want. Those that refuse to go over seas and have their brother/sisters backs despite of their own beliefs needs to be put in the brig and their veteran benefits shredded in their face. That is their family whether they want to see it that way or not, and you can't sit there behind your monitor and tell me if some one was threatening or even killing your brothers and sisters that you wouldn't stand up in their defense.

Bash the President if you will, that is your right and I would stand up again in a second to defend your right to speak your mind but that in no way constitutes a gross negligence of your sworn duty to protect this country no matter where that may take you(if in the service).

It just makes me sick that spoiled brats in this country take for granted everyday, everything that those soldiers over there now are providing. I mean how about if we would have just turned the other cheek to the World Trade Center and let the terrorists keep hitting us and killing our families, maybe you would like us to bring the fight back home here in the states instead of in their back yard. People just need to start thinking about the whole picture and not just what the media wants them to see, go talk to a vet and ask them if they are proud of serving their country.

You know what? I am done with this crap and I will end up saying some things I don't really mean to the deserters and anti-military cry babies.

To all of you who have served and are still serving, thanks for carrying on and wish I could still be there.

Semper Fi!

I came across this in another forum and was just laughing my ass off. Poster claims it really happened.

Now, I'm sure many of you have encountered little brats in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little brats that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it. Okay, here's the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery stopping. He broke the skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little kid's teeth as he was grinning at me like the little brat he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "SH*T! SH*T!." Now, my good friend, Tom we'll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting "F*CK! MAYBE HE DIDN'T GET IT! F*CK!". By now, the kid is scared and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting mad at us for yelling at her kid. Here's the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, "Ma'am, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I'm... I'm HIV POSITIVE." And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just messed up big time because his mom isn't defending him. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my stuff from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob. I'm not really HIV Positive, but that little brat must've gotten in a lot of trouble.

*edited by me because there was a lot of profanity and really was not needed to get the point across*

yeah I have been gone for about 10 years and really wasn't following the state, heck I even missed the CNN broadcast of the riots in Benton Harbor, I didn't even hear about it until I got home. Maybe the next gov will fix everything she messed up, we can only hope. Oh well, I won't give up on Michigan, after all we are the first line of defense against the Canadians

awww c'mon people, Michigan is the best state in the US, go spend a couple months over in Qatar/Saudi Arabia and Michigan will seem like paradise

another quick one.... lol

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance.
Smart man + dumb woman = affair.
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage.

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion.
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed, or so they think.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night, or so they think.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION ANALYSIS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

just wanted to stop in and say hi and invite anyone that knows how to scuba dive to join me and my dive partner for some dives in southwest Michigan to include Lake Michigan and a couple inland lakes as well. I am talking about the Benton Harbor/St.Joe area for Lake Michigan and Sister Lakes area for the other dives.

I am going to get the VA to hopefully pay for me to get my instructor certification but I have a lot of dives I still need to get under my belt before I can even consider it. Maybe it could be a new thing for the site, instead of getting together in a bar drinking, we could have meetings all around the state and do dive charters. If anyone is interested send me a PM because it is highly unlikely that I will be checking the boards that often.

if this joke has been posted already I apologize, it was just to funny to pass up......

My Girlfriends Little Sister

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.


"The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car."