Two Swedes from Minnesota, Sven & Ole, walk into a pet shop near Brainerd. They head to the bird section and Sven says to Ole, "Dat's dem."

The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

"Yah sure, ve'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven.

The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag.. Ole and Sven pay for the birds, leave the shop, get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of some big cliffs near Brainerd Lake

At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place." He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Ole watches as Sven falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself dead.

Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Ole shakes his head and says: "By yumpin' yiminy, dis budgie yumping is too dangerous for me."

VAIT!!! Dere's MORE!

Moments later Knute arrives up at the cliffs. He's been to the pet shop, too, and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another paper bag in one hand and a shotgun in the other.

"Hey, Ole. Vatch dis." Knute says.. He takes a parrot from the bag and throws himself over the edge of the cliff. Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Knute continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body.

Ole shakes his head and says, "And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either."

BUT VAIT!!! Dere's MORE , you betcha!!

Ole is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Lars appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a paper bag, out of which he pulls a chicken.

Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it over his head, hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine.

Once more Ole shakes his head. "First der was Sven with his budgie yumping, den Knute parrotshooting ..and now Lars, hengliding ......"

Dats all. Dere ain't no more!

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long.

No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:







"Dave...............................




Dave......................





Dave..........





You're a Veterinarian, you sick bastard".

A group of kids were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

'You need to use Big People words,' she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend?

'I went to visit my Nana.'

'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

'I took a ride on a choo-choo.'

She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use Big People words'.

She then asked little Johnny what he had done?

'I read a book,' he replied.

'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'

Johnny thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, 'Winnie the S**t.'

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver thermos.

She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?'

'Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,' she replied.

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'

Two blonds with hammers... Carol and Donna, were doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house.

Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing those nails away?'

Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'

Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day......

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Just seems to me it would carry more merit if they did when he was alive.

Waiting until he was dead seems more like a manipulation by the media.

Why did they all wait until he died instead of admit it while he was alive to exonerate him? To get rid of the accusations? To clear his name? Seems you care more about defending him than the people who know him.

... waking up one morning and realizing that your high school class is now running the country.....

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him:

"Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

"Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

"Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it too, with the insurance money."

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said: "Irving, remember that b**w j*b I promised you? Well, here it comes!"

A woman visited a plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift. Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.

'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'

The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'

You are just so full of yourself. A self appointed expert maybe? You don't know me. I am not mad about anything. You give yourself too much credit where I am concerned.

You keep going back to MJ.. it isn't about him that I posted this. His death, being the third of celebrities, just made me think about the big deal made of celebrity deaths.

You are judging me without knowing me. If anyone seems angered in their response, it is you. You answered in your opinion, and I told you I respected your views. YOU on the other hand, have absolutely no respect for my views. It is only my opinion, not how I think things should be. And it actually started out as a question wondering why, to be answered. Not being given sarcastic answers as many have given just because I don't feel about a celebrity as they do. Most of the answers given were in defending a certain celebrity. Not giving me insight as to why such a big deal. Even when I mentioned doctors whose actions affect more lives, it was still given that celebrities are more important for their dancing, singing and acting.

How come no one responded on my observation on how much Joe Jackson cared more about promoting his new record label first than talking about his son?

I don't want to be in a group of fanatics. Mob mentality just gets so distorted.

I am just as sorry for the death of Billy Mays as I am about Karl Malden as I am about Michael Jackson. It is sad when anyone dies... my question was WHY IS A CELEBRITY SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT? Only a moment for someone who does good for the world, but so far a week for someone who sang and danced.

Yes, they may not touch my heart as much as they touch yours. But because we disagree in our opinions doesn't give anyone the right to be disrespectful and try to belittle the other.

I am done with responding to this topic.... People can't respond and comment as adults. Cutting someone down or falsely accusing them of "being mad" is discouraging.

A old couple went to Jerusalem for their vacation. The woman, as usual, was complaining about the heat, complaining about the food, nag nag nag nag.

In the middle of one her nagging episodes, she suddenly dropped dead.

The husband summoned the undertaker who told him. "You can ship your wife home for $5,000 if you want to bury her there, or for $150 we can bury her here in the Holy land."

The old man thought for a while and decided. "I want to have her shipped home."

Well of course, the undertaken was surprised. "But sir, think of the money you will be saving. And of course, the chance for her to be buried in such a holy place. Why would you prefer to ship her home for burial?"

"Well," said the old man, "many years ago they buried a fellow here and 3 days later he rose from the dead. I don't think I want to take that chance!"

Oh, and by the way... I do know a doctor who got so upset by not being able to handle the disappointment of not being able to "save" most of his patients who were very ill that he did quit. Now he plays more with his band that started out as an outlet to forget the day to day grind of medicine. Nothing famous, no real selling CDs, but he is much happier now.

Not always... my "deceased" parents died and left nothing, as did their parents before them. I even had to pay the funeral for my father and probate the estate. In essence, it cost me when he passed. So even though I see what you are saying, that is not always the point. So no, not still more valuable than alive.

The post I started is not about Michael Jackson. It just seems to have evolved into it.

Doctors actually make a REAL difference in people's lives as opposed to entertaining them. Big difference. Also, doctors are trained to deal with the tragedies that occur in their profession. It is expected in their work to expect death and debilitating injuries. Not the same thing as someone singing trying to entertain the public. I respect your point of view, more it seems than you do mine, but I am sorry. I just can't feel sorry for an entertainer of any sort more than just a regular everyday person. Death is sad no matter who it is. I just can't grasp making such a big deal for an actor or singer. Yes, I expect that the announcement will be made in the media because of their celebrity status, but by continuing to make a big deal over it only lines the pockets of those who put them in the spotlight to begin with. Look at MJ's father.... he was more intent on promoting his new record label at the BET and only talked about the death of his son after it was pointed out the he neglected to say anything about it. It's not the death of the person I am griping about. It's like everything else done by the media... blowing the coverage way out of proportion. Amazing how, like Elvis, he will now be worth more dead than alive. That in itself is another disappointment I feel for celebrities.

I don't care if he went on sabbatical or not. Are you too busy trying to defend a celebrity to understand the idea behind the post? My comment was only because it was dramatized that he was so upset he quit touring... like it was a big thing. To me, if he was so upset and traumatized by that event, he would have gone on to find other work.... like some other celebrities who got fed up with the limelight. He's a sell out in my opinion. He "rested" for 3 yrs... big f'ing deal. Then he got right back to doing what is probably the only thing he could do. Do you still subscribe to Tiger Beat?

Vince from Sham-Wow is my guess as to who did Billy in