I don't think I've posted this one before but mega apologies if I have - and also apologies for the swear word - but it's so typical outback Aussie it always gives me a giggle :)

Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower:
Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.
As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away,
Bluey says, 'Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife.
Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.
Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'
'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.
'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'
Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'
Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff.

Thanks heaps

Thank you so much

Thank you

Hi - finally back after a bit of a struggle with health issues - look forward to posting some jokes again soon

Nicotine is a very strong addiction - and it is worse for people like me - and it sounds like you as well - who have an addictive personality - but beating yourself up about it will not help you either - if you learn to accept yourself for who you are and be happy - there are far worse addictions than nicotine - and it is still legal - last time I looked anyway - take it easy :)

looks like everyone in Perth has gone missing - must be the rain....

You awake ? - was the classic one

Foolhardy or brave - not sure which ?

I have been a cigarette (nicotine) smoker for most of my life - gave up for years but in times of crisis have always gone back - the only point in my favour is that no self respecting germ ever comes near me now

Love it or hate it ?

Have encountered much the same thing - don't know what hangouts or WhatsApp are and have no wish to know - but if someone can use the site - they have internet imho :)

I believe we have to be happy with ourselves first - else how could we expect anyone else to be happy with us ?

Love Oscar !!! - brilliant :) - and I'm not young enough to know everything....

A couple is dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They phone for a cab, turn on a night light, cover their pet parakeet and put the cat out in the back yard.
The taxi arrives, and they open the front door to leave. Suddenly the cat they put out scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in there because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes back in. The cat runs upstairs, with the man in hot pursuit.
The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid hag was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat butt downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car!

Love the comment - but I wouldn't meet anyone without chatting to them on here and then probably chatting on the phone - even then I would be wary - but the other option is becoming more isolated than I already am - just my opinion :)

It feels so silly - but if you don't go out except for work or catching up with friends - what other option is there ? I don't drive at night and even if I did, I wouldn't go out on my own...… just my opinion :)

I think where people live is obviously reasonable - and distance - but ethnicity ?

Surely where you live and whether you can complete an English sentence should be more important than where you are from or you heritage ? - I am from a country that no longer exists having been decimated by wars - but think of myself as an Australian (having been here for over 30 years) ?