A Public Service message for, and directed at, Women; For their edification, so that they may better understand the Male animal:


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold I need you to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it, never once thinking to change the channel at the TV. (Although, one time, I was able to survive by holding a calculator.)

Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger -- I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or ...well...sex. Although I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my Mom, too!!

Because I'm a man, I am capable of announcing, "One more beer and I really have to go," and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. Like, what's the connection?

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, yes, I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the new Millennium, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the dishes, and oh, I almost forgot, the kids. But hey, Baby, I do the rest, OK?

~ This has been ~ A public service message for women, to better understand the male animal.

Been away for a bit due to some serious medical issues, but im back again so wanted to say a quick hello to all from me :)

Bluebird
Waltzing causally along the garden path and deep in my personal thought
Aromas of the jasmine flowers amidst the air enticing my senses as I explore
An iridescent tinge of blue steals my eye in the sun of something distraught
Wings flail and fluster, sounds chirrup and squeak of something cold and sore
I quicken my step and there before me a frightened bluebird upon the ground
Brushing off greedy ants that cover the bluebird’s tiny body I see his broken wing
Feathers that were a beautiful blue now coated and matted in blood all around
My heart breaks at his helplessness and cup him softly in my hand dear little thing
I hold him closely to my heart nestled warmly within my palm and homeward we stroll
I lovingly bandage his broken wing and wash the blood off his body so he can shimmer
Hoping that all of my tender loving care will be enough to heal the wounds of his soul
Over time he becomes a bluebird of happiness, he sings sweetly, his feathers glimmer
Yet still he refuses to fly, even try no matter how devotedly and passionately I persuade
He just sits upon the branch looking at me for guidance and support I am all that he needs
I’m delighted to feel needed, that I can care for him, heal him, cure him, help and be an aid
He was helpless, powerless and vulnerable upon the earth and I saved him with my deeds
Time passes by and memories we shared, we were happy living life with beautiful content
Life seemed perfect in every possible way and yet still he refused to fly and I grew weary
Tired of always being there, always the one to catch him when he falls, my love did relent
He stopped singing his sweet song, his feathers dimmed, he became saddened and teary
Looking toward the sky he bows his head, he knows he can’t fly; he can never be free above
Some wounds will never heal and all I ever wanted was to see him fly free in the sky so blue
I wish that I could have healed him by tenderly and affectionately wrapping him with my love
I have to let him go on his own so my bluebird can try and mend his wing and pull through
But you weren’t a bluebird
You were the love of my life

For you
I’d fight
For you I’d be
Your valour knight
In gleaming armour
That’s a brilliant white
Hard to see
But we are alright
Take my hand
On this starry night
Let’s lay back
Watch the stars so bright
Glimmer high
Like guiding light
All we need
Kept in our sight
I know your scared
But hold tight
For tomorrow
All will be quite
So lets take off
And take Flight
Fly away
Midsummer night
Dance among
Clouds with sheer delight
For we may never
Get another night
To be free
Under the star light
I promise you
With all my might
I’m by your side
Make everything right
For you
I’d Fight

I am sorry to break ur heart like so. Broke my heart too when i held my son as he passed away :(

Will you lay with me?

Will you lay with me and hold my hand?
Yes, I will lay with you and hold your hand,
Time without end our hands shall be entwined,
Fingers interlaced together and hands undefined

Will you lay with me and hug me tight?
Yes, I will lay with you and hug you tight,
My arms wrapped around you in a warm embrace,
Hold you closely evermore in my arms nesting place

Will you lay with me as I pass away?
Yes my child, I will lay with you as you pass away,
Holding your hand and hugging you tight till your last breath,
As the last of your life slips from you and you pass into death

Now that you are gone, who will lay with me and hold my hand?
I will mother as you lay sleeping and dreaming I will hold your hand,
For everlastingly I will lay beside you in twilight sleep,
Holding your hand as you softly and sobbingly weep

awwwwwww thanks so much guys im blushing

No One

Wanders through time so senseless and bleak
Ambience emanates abandonment that is oblique
Penetrating into the twilight of epoch they shriek
Descends to the earth on knees that become weak

Embracing numbness closely like an ashamed lover
Nonentity is shelled and concealed astutely undercover
For within grief stricken and tenderness does hover
Lingering throughout abiding and waiting to discover

Despondency surfacing that is deliberately ignored
Wrenching within that still fiercely strikes a chord
Angry emotions that implore and are untoward
Needing confession so perception can be restored

Nothingness, emptiness a vacuum that’s devoid
Absence, nonappearance from one’s life unemployed
Irritated, aggravated, bothered, riled and annoyed
Meaninglessness and purposelessness sought to avoid

Verbose in mind these emotions do raucously preach
Conversing and probing ones mindset it does impeach
Yearning and burning for sensation just out of reach
Everlastingly waiting for the coming anticipatory breach

Left bewildered in a world that’s dishonest and unjust
Drifting unaided through this insincere life nonplussed
A vagrant who peers out through glassy eyes with mistrust
Left in the cold rain washed out to slowly yellow and rust

Nobody, a nonentity an insignificant person with no soul
The lights are turned off and all that remains is a black hole
All that is endeavoured for is to feel unprocessed and whole
Desperately seeking to acquire some manner of self control

Then suddenly from nowhere and completely out of the blue
The sun shone down through the rain and lit the field of view
My way they looked with an essence that is so genuine and true
My heart skipped a beat feeling life with that of total renew

A burning fire inside filled warm spreading light across the gloom
Opening out, craving it and embracing it with love’s first bloom
The smell of smoke wafted about its fragrance of a sweet perfume
Passionately it blazed within the heart and darkness it did consume

Sensations in my heart that was once strange and surreal became real
My spirit lifted high overflowing in emotions that burst out with zesty zeal
All that I can be was now within the bound of my mind’s eye and did reveal
For no longer was I no one I became someone who arose from the ashes to heal

lot # 344768 last item on the list today folks...sure to create some interest...we have a solid 24ct gold halo worn, mistreated and abused by scratcy. dates back to 3 weeks ago and already has lots of history on it folks...its been lost, and found, straightened and polished, used in a bizarre sex act as well as choked and tripped the owner on many occasions too numerous to mention....right lets start the bidding.....do i have $50....

Kenny............in between my legs

no no no ash ur a Champ amongst the Chimps

ashy u win **hands u a spicy hotdog**

The collector in between my legs

Thanks prob my favourite to date

jawbreaker............in between my legs

Soldado Of Fortune

No lifeblood was spilt upon the ground but lives were nonetheless lost
Beyond the crimson bloody battlefield everything came at a cost
On the strewn earth, sword drawn and thrust high into the cobalt sky
Stands Soldado of Fortune screaming in a shrill and haunting War Cry
Locked into a bitter blood-stained crusade the enemy ostensibly unfound
Men in arms are struck by misfortune falling beneath a murky grave mound
Descending into the darkness for peace and silence to eventually embrace
Above Soldado of Fortune contends with the thunderous noise taking place
Dangling down from Soldado’s neck are links of fine chain in splendored gold
Suspended is the messenger of God to whom all mans faith they loyally hold
Strength liberated through tailored adornment that was transpired and bestowed
To the Soldado of Fortune as one with motivation and resolve it fiercely flowed
Metallic armour that was brassed to shine bespattered in burgundy morass waste
Defences made to shield from harm intruders who challenge to penetrate with haste
Forestalls any fatal injury yet delivers profound mortal wounds that are heartfelt and sincere
Allies on the field surrender and relinquish whilst Soldado of Fortune will choose to persevere
In constant pursuit of freedom upon the stricken forlorn and ominous combat zone
Warriors falling upon beseeched knees in expressions of grief that they are alone
Glancing out around the surrounding theatre of war upon the frontline of the fight
Rise up myriads of Soldados of Fortune eager to contest for life eyes blazingly alight
For no more will men burn asunder ripped from heart to soul in a world of defeating regret
A serene breeze filled with restored hope that blow away the ashes in a defying silhouette
Triumphant in a personal war of private confessions Soldado prevailed on grassy knoll
Soldado of Fortune, for I am the Solider of my fate and all will engage in a battle for their soul

crank.............in between my legs

The Rose Bush

Morning sun kisses over the stilled earth
Fingers of light touching all in dawns’ day birth
Its warming glow embraces those that are found
Dew drops alight that glisten softly around

In a garden distinct from the bounty of others
The sun spreads over leisurely in warm golden showers
A rose bush sits kindly bathing in affectionate glow
Warm heartedly and welcoming in the earth it does grow

Buried deep within the roots is the rose bush journal
Secrets kept sacredly and forever they are eternal
Rose buds of a delightful pink play carelessly about
Thoughtlessly mature in the green thorns throughout

Petals stretching out peacefully in the suns golden flush
Yielding silky rose blossoms whose colours do blush
Each delicious bloom unique in private design and hue
Together confess a bouquet of sweet aroma that is true

Lined in the confidence of the branches thorns are concealed
Each ensuring that the rose bush secrets are never revealed
Resolute action delivered with a swift cut that is merely just
For the secrets confided by the rose bush and those who do lust

It is here at this moment in time that all can be discovered
Hands that gently laze about in the soil and all is recovered
Bury your secrets in the inner recesses of the rose bush’s power
Let your heart soar boundlessly and swell serenely as a flower

As the sun draws back and the light begins to fade
Darkness crawls in covering the rose bush in shade
We will rest quietly and undisturbed in sweet sleep
While the rose bush stands proudly our secrets it will keep

ash always a 10