omfg that was a good movie

thats why you cant find a good man, you fart better then them

lol

i farted

im too sexy for this coon, too sexy for this coon

<<<<=======================

#1 aint that the truth

hi gypsy, we gonna see a ****ed up pic this morning

pippy longstocking

THE DOORS
THE DOORS
THE DOORS
THE DOORS
THE DOORS

is that a salad bowl on yer head fella

and your................i gotta be nice

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Schneider driver spoke up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle"

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the ****.

1st Hillbilly: "My wife sure is stupid! She bought an air conditioner."

2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!"

1st Hillbilly: "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly: "Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly : "That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in there."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies: "Well what's so dumb about that?"

3rd Hillbilly: "She ain't got no pecker!"

Farmer walks into a house and says "Honey here's that pig I been sleepin with."

Wife says " You dumbass that's a sheep."

Farmer says "I was taliking too the sheep"

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons."

The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."

Little Johnny continued, "But her tits are so big, she can only fasten eight."

Poland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small, two-seater Cessna airplane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland.

Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 326 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A priest is walking by a house and sees, sitting in the front steps, a young boy shaking a bottle of some clear liquid.

He asks the boy what he was doing. The boy responded, "This here, Father, is turpentine, the most powerfull liquid in the world".

The priest responds, "You are wrong, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. You rub a few drops of Holy Water on a pregnant womans belly and she'll pass a boy".

The boy responded, "That ain't nothing father. You rub a few drops of this in a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Two prositutes wee riding around town with a sign on top for their car which said, "TWO PROSTITUES.........$50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

They asked the cop why he let the other car go and he said, "Well, that's a little different, it pertains to religion." So the two ladies took their sign down and took off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he beguan to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER.......$50.00."

Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom and she said yes. When he went to wipe his fanny, and there was no toilet paper so he used his hand.

When he got back to class, his Teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was then sent to the principals office and the Principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

So, Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was sent home and his Mom asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

He was then sent to his room and told to stay there till his Dad came home. His dad came home, went upstairs and said to Little Johnny, "What do you have in your hand?"

So again Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he get scared away."

Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hand!"

Little Johnny opened his hand and said, "Look Dad you scared the s*it out of him!"