Oh... My.... God! PUHLEZE tell me this ain't serious? Disgrace to my IP Address! Now THAT's Comedy!

are we REALLY talkin' about our favorite fruit...

ok - I LOVE Pineaples... Down here, they slice them fresh in the store, right in front of you... it's GREAT...

I know, hun... I was ammending a previous post of mine - sorry...

yea! But you're too dang far away! LOL!

And, For the Record everyone, I'm NOT gay!

Ironically, that just turns'em on more... Somehow they get the idea they can convert me...

You know she's in England, right? KILLER accent!

She's REALLY Awesome... The only thing she needs is a plane ticket!

You mean DebbieJT?

Oh would that it were so EASY! But these women just ABSOLUTELY INSIST! They won't take NO for an answer! OVER and OVER and OVER again!

PLEASE tell me how I let them down easy! They're all Models and Rock Stars, and a few are microbiologists... (but we won't discuss Them... they're just crazy!)

But, All the time, I can't even walk down the street without random women trying to drag me into allyes or the super market trying to drag me into the meat section (Get it? )

What to do... What To DO!?!?

oh, it's ok - just take me out for.... Steak...

ALL they ever want is SEX SEX SEX! They can't ever stop...

All the time, everywhere I go, "Hey! Let's go back to MY place!"

I get this ALL the time! I just wanna make friends! I'm NOT a piece of MEAT!

Don't you guys (men) get tired of that! 'cmon guys! Who's with me!?!! Ladies, PLEASE, cool your jets!


(P.S. if you read this, OR my profile, and you take much of any of it seriously, seek counseling)

hats, and you mispelled Mortarboard

Very true...

Depends on where you're looking...

\
oooo. that's bad!

I would be willing to EXACTLY 756 miles...

I've gone a hundred or so miles... depends on how much the tirl and I like each other I suppose...

Me Too! I'm in My Area!

Scientific Evidence of Santa Claus

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. However there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa doesn’t appear to handle most Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average rate of 3.5 children per household (according to the census bureau), that makes 91.8 million homes. We’ll presume that there is at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. In other words, for each Christian household with good children Santa has 1/1000th of a second to:

a) park, b) hop out of the sleigh, c) jump down the chimney, d) fill the stockings, e) distribute the remaining presents under the tree, f) eat whatever snacks have been left, g) get back up the chimney, h) get back into the sleigh, and i) move on to the next house.

Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course is false but for the purpose of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, or 3000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle ever invented, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can only run 15 miles per hour, tops.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is already overweight and stuffed by the end of the night with milk and cookies from 91.8 million homes. On land a conventional team of reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” can pull ten times that amount, Santa needs 214,200 reindeer to do the job. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh itself–to 353,430 tons. Again, for purposes of comparison, this is four times the weight of the cruise ship Queen Elizabeth II.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, which will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will each absorb 14.3 quintillion (14,300,000,000,000,000,000) joules of energy per second, instantaneously bursting into flames, creating deafening sonic booms in their wake, and exposing the reindeer following them to the same forces. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Meanwhile, Santa will be subjected to acceleration forces over 17,500 times greater than gravity. A 250 pound Santa will be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

The only sound conclusion from the above is, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s now certainly dead.

It's Christmas time - time for all of us to take up a cause!

I've taken up this one - The scourge of Dihydrogen Monoxide (dhMo for short) - it's everywhere!

Join me now! Fight for the Cause! If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything! Make a difference this holiday and make your stand now!

http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html

I tried keeping up with deleting them every day - but they just got ahead of me... SO many women looking at my profile, I just can't keep up!

So I just let them pile up...

Hats off to all y'all quittin' I know it's tough!

I'm also glad becuase the smoker/non-smoker ratio will go done on JSH... I mean, is every woman with 250miles of Birmingham a smoker!??!? LOL!