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ADIEU

La bohème and my heart, 1912
If the humble tavern, blackened
By the wind and rain of autumn
Welcomes me, you're no longer here ...
I suffer and love abandons me.

I suffer terribly. day
Where you left, I learned to laugh.
I cried since, without love,
And sadly lived my life.

At least, remembers,
Guard my heart, soothes my pain!
Cherish this old tenderness
Who wanted to, hurt, finish.

I laugh against another shoulder
Other kisses me enough,
I shall mark of my teeth.
But you remain the most beautiful ...

ADIEU
Francis CARCO
La bohème et mon coeur, 1912
Si l’humble cabaret, noirci
Par la pluie et le vent d’automne,
M’accueille, tu n’es plus ici...
Je souffre et l’amour m’abandonne.

Je souffre affreusement. Le jour
Où tu partis, j’appris à rire.
J’ai depuis pleuré, sans l’amour,
Et vécu tristement ma vie.

Au moins, garde le souvenir,
Garde mon cœur, berce ma peine !
Chéris cette tendresse ancienne
Qui voulut, blessée, en finir.

Je rirai contre une autre épaule,
D’autres baisers me suffiront,
Je les marquerai de mes dents.
Mais tu resteras la plus belle...

Quatorzième Sonnet

Louise Labé

Tant que mes yeux pourront larmes épandre
A l'heur passé avec toi regretter :
Et qu'aux sanglots et soupirs résister
Pourra ma voix, et un peu faire entendre :

Tant que ma main pourra les cordes tendre
Du mignard Luth, pour tes grâces chanter :
Tant que l'esprit se voudra contenter
De ne vouloir rien fors que toi comprendre :

Je ne souhaite encore point mourir.
Mais quand mes yeux je sentirai tarir,
Ma voix cassée, et ma main impuissante,
Et mon esprit en ce mortel séjour

Ne pouvant plus montrer signe d'amante :
Prierai la mort noircir mon plus clair jour.

Robert Burns
(1759 – 1796)
Lilac fair

O were my love yon Lilac fair,
Wi' purple blossoms to the Spring,
And I, a bird to shelter there,
When wearied on my little wing!

How I wad mourn when it was torn
By Autumn wild, and Winter rude!
But I wad sing on wanton wing,
When youthfu' May its bloom renew'd.

O gin my love were yon red rose,
That grows upon the castle wa';
And I myself a drap o' dew,
Into her bonie breast to fa'!

O there, beyond expression blest,
I'd feast on beauty a' the night;
Seal'd on her silk-saft faulds to rest,
Till fley'd awa by Phoebus' light!

doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their
sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not
help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough
physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded,
"Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home
from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some
doughnuts."

"Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across
the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's 'love canal'. Then,
on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the
grape using only your tongue."
"Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room,
toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his 'love
pole'. Then, like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the
doughnut."
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more
wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should
see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not
take the case unless he felt that he could help them. He conducted the
physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. "I cannot help you, so I will not
take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be.
I cannot help."
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, "You helped our friends the
Browns, now please, please help us."
"Well, all right", the doctor said. "On your way home from the office,
stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios..."

A man is working on cross country buses collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the bus driver to drive off as a woman is just
about to get onto the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the
bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and
seeing as it's Texas, he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his
execution he's put in the chair and before the switch is pulled, the
executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes"
answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten
it. When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending
hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears
the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so," says the executioner. "That's
never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling
tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are
still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed. The bloke
is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The
executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up
to the electric supply for the entire state of Texas.

The bloke is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the
executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch?" asks
the condemned man. The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his
banana. The bloke eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the
switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas.

When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair.
The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the bloke gets his job back on the buses. Once
again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this
time killing three of them. He is sent to the electric chair once again.
The executioner rigs up the entire country's electricity supply to the
chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the
chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man,
"Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch?" The executioner
hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included. The
executioner pulls the handle and a billion volts go through the chair.
When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a
burn mark.

"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still
be alive after all that!" He stroked his chin. "It's something to do
with that green banana isn't it," he asked.

Nahh" said the bloke,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"