OP, I understand what you were originally saying. It is now 7 years since I have lived with my ex. I make my own decisions and I answer to me and my kids. To have someone come in to my home and change my routine is scary to say the least, but on the other hand, to have no one to share my life with is also frightfull. The reason I first got on line is to find that person that would compliment my life and I theirs. But after 4 years of looking, and getting burned every step of the way, I just lost heart in the process. Sure, I get an email once a month, and it ends up that I have to tell that email writer, that lives 3 thousand miles away, "Good luck with your continued search" Yes, that is blunt, yes you could even say that is cruel. He could very well have been the one, but as I age, I am like the cat in a cage that only gets beaten for trying to survive, and I react from years of type of conditioning. Every date that goes bad is another beating that conditions me to stay in the background and not fight so hard for what I deserve. The longer I am alone, the easier it is to stay alone. Yes, I rail at the lack of a dating pool in my area, for me, but I no longer have any fight or flirt left in me.

Ohhh how I miss those! The lady I bought from was the best!
The tamales, I mean.