ohhhh yeah .... u sed it .....

so whos gonna fire the first volley ....u or me ???

well ....we can always refill our arsenal ......now cant we ????

hey bro ..... lifes screwed up ...as usual.....

hows the pooch....

and where the heck r all the blondes ????

aha.......

hello my brother in arms ....waz up ....

hows life ?????

lol...ha ha ha ha

now we r talkin sense .... aint we cajunfroggy.....

2 bad the blondes dont understand that ...lol

hey pple ...... i am back .....

and i am lookin bad in black ......

what if i was a house husband....and sppse my wife left me a list of things to do ....damn ...this is soooooooo easy ..lol



1) Make the beds......
What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that.
Scratch one.

2). Pick up dog poop in yard.......
It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?
Scratch two.

3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners.......
Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.
Scratch three.

This is easy, what's the fuss.
Think I'll go on the computer for a while.

4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet.......
Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed.
Scratch four.

5). Mop kitchen floor.....
The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.
Scratch five.

Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.

6). Find something fun for the kids to do.....
That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.
Scratch six.

This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer

7). Vacuum the carpets......
That's a hard one.......
Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.
Scratch seven.

8). Feed kids lunch.....
Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too?
YESSSS Scratch eight !!

9). Clean out hallway closet......
Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed.
Scratch nine.

Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishs

10). Do laundry.....
no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer
Scratch ten.

11). Fold laundry.....
dang Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear?? Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool.
Scratch eleven.

12) Put the laundry away....
Baskets in bedrooms work for me.
Scratch twelve.

This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work???

13). Water the Christmas tree...
Oop's!... good thing the carpet is absorbent.
Scratch thirteen.

14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper.......
These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth....
Scratch fourteen.

15). Pick up the kids ......
Yeah right; we're talking about my kids here. Parents will normally pay to drop them back off.
They'll be back. Scratch fifteen.

Wonder who's on the computer. I have plenty of time.

16). Make dinner.....
Easy, "Hello do you deliver ? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow".
Scratch sixteen.

17). Clean out the dog house......
duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done.
Scratch seventeen.

WOW all done. Man this is sooooo easy. Still time for some more puter and a nap..... Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working.

Wish I was a chick !

- The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!

- No Thanks. Just sniffing.

- I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

- Mom will love this.

- Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboy Logo on it?

- No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it here.

- Will you model this for me???

- Oh honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that!

- 45 bucks?? You're gonna end up NAKED anyways!!

- Does this come in children's sizes?

tru ....so damn tru bro .....

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact. "Mary... Mary..." Awestruck, Mary responds, "Is that you Fred?" "Yes, I have come back like we agreed." "Well, what is it like?" Fred excitedly tells his tale, "Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have lunch, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime. And, then, I start all over again the next day." So happy Mary says, "Oh Fred, you surely must be in heaven." Fred replies, "Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."

He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne." "Why?" he asks. "Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."

Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."

Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"

"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.

"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.

"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"

"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.

"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.

"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.

"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster. "What do they call them?" they ask in unison. Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."

What Clinton ACTUALLY said to Monica:
"Hold my calls and sack my cook"

Prosecutor: Was Monica Lying?
Clinton: No she was kneeling

Why does Clinton have a clean conscience?
Because it has never been used

Why is Clinton so interested in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a nightclub

Hillary hired a new intern for Bill...
Lorena Bobbit...... GET IT ???? BOBBITISM.....LOOK IT UP IN WIKIPEDIA..LOL

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. Once the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whiskey and soda. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he too would like a drink. Mr. Falwell replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore, than let liquor touch these lips." The President then handed his drink back to the flight attendant and said, "My apologies, I didn't realize there was a choice... I'll have the same thing he's having."

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after bagging items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a TV remote in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

"Darling" says a husband coyly to his wife: "let's swap positions tonight".



"What a good idea" she replies, "you stand in front of the ironing board, and I'll sit in front of the TV and fart".

1. Dogs don't cry.

2. Dogs love it when your friends come over.

3. Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.

4. Dogs think you sing great.

5. A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.

6. Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.

7. The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.

8. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

9. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

10. Dogs are excited by rough play.

11. Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.

12. Dogs understand that farts are funny.

13. Dogs love red meat.

14. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.

15. Anyone can get a good-looking dog.

16. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.

17. Dogs don't shop.

18. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.

19. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.

20. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.

21. A dog's parents never visit.

22. Dogs love long car trips.

23. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for
directions.

24. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were
made to be hunted.

25. Dogs like beer.

26. Dogs don't hate their bodies.

27. No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish
album.

28. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.

29. Dogs never criticize.

30. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

31. Dogs never expect gifts.

32. It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.

33. Dogs don't worry about germs.

34. Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.

35. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in
your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.

36. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.

37. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster.

38. You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.

39. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.

40. Dogs don't borrow your shirts.

41. Dogs never want foot-rubs.

42. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.

43. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

44. Dogs can't talk.

45. Dogs aren't catty.

46. Dogs seldom outlive you.