I, the penis, request a pay raise due 2 the following reasons:

1.I do physical labor.
2.I work @ great depths.
3.I plunge head first into everything I do.
4.I work weekends and holidays.
5.I work in a damp environment.
6.I work in dark areas w/poor ventilation.
7.I work in high temperatures.
8.My work exposes me 2 diseases.

Dear penis, ur request has been denied 4 the following reasons:

1.U don't work 8 hours straight.
2.U work in short spurts & fall asleep after each brief work period.
3.U don't stay in ur designated area & are frequently found in other locations.
4.U don't take initiative & must be stimulated to start working.
5.U leave ur work place messy at the end of ur shift.
6.U are unable to work overtime or double shifts.
7.U sometimes leave ur designated work area b4 completing the assigned task.
8.U have constantly been seen entering & leaving the work place w/2 suspicious bags.

Sincerly,
Management!