I remember the first time
you named me “Good morning.”

And how, the night before,
you considered my ceiling,
where the passing cars outside
the passing cars outside
the passing cars outside
cast their shadows and liquid lights
through the slats of my blinds.

You said: “Hey Romeo--
your CD player is skipping again...
but your ceiling’s like fireworks for poor folks!”
And I liked that.

I like the tall pauses you take
when you tell your nephews knock-knock jokes.
And I like your theory
that men and women’s shirts button on opposite sides
so that couples can get dressed facing each other
after making love.

You seem to season your seasons,
your days, your time
with rhyme, not reason,
I’ve seen you. Daily. Nightly.
I’ve watched you housebreak a puppy
just by asking politely.

And your remedy for insomnia?
Is to pile every pillow and blanket into the tub
and you nap there like you’re taking
a patchwork bath,
and I said once: “Oh--I wish I had a PICTURE!”
and you said: “Oh--I wish you and I had HOT SEX,
YOU gave ME a PEDICURE,
and then ELVES showed up at our doorstep,
with a PIZZA, to tell us JESUS just built a TREEHOUSE
in the backyard, and he’d like to meet us both,
so HOP IN HOTSHOT!”

You’re weird,
with a capital “WE.”
And I’m grateful, I marvel,
you’ve helped me hammer
some of my worst manners into manhood,
but I still admit--I like the way your shorts fit,
and how, overall, you’d call me “smart,”
even though sometimes
I do really stupid ****.

And I like how you giggle with your lips closed
like you’ve got a secret little moon in your mouth.

But I’m not insisting you’re some kind of goddess,
(I know you’re suspicious of unspecific love poems).
You’re more like a sunflower,
growing in the courtyard of an old folks home--
you mean things to people on a daily basis,
and this petty poem won’t explain
just how “my favorite” your face is,
(but I wish I’d been your bathroom mirror
the day they took off your braces).

You’re so pretty.

You’re like a vivid video game
and I’m the idiot kid
just trying to get to your next level--
I like your right-shoulder angel,
Hell, I like your left-shoulder devil.
I admire the lively deeds you do.
So if you come through a doorway again,
in a thrift store poncho,
or a drop-dead evening gown,
twirling and asking:
“Well, whaddya think?”
I’m gonna tell you:

“**** howdy, Sunshine,
sit your fine self down!
If you’re looking for a compliment--

I think you’ve come
to the right place.”

sorry i took so long to report, i was drawing up plans for my metal
legs..

i save all my gray hairs so i can weave a doll and sell it on ebay

does that count?

velco? i think it was invented in like, the 40's.. i'm sure if i'd been
around i woulda pwned mestrall

unless you meant the idea i totally had in my head when i wrote that
question..

it was integrating live traffic with a program like mapquest.. damn
google

have you ever wondered if the color you were taught to be green is the
exact same color everyone else sees?

it was always astronaut.. i got teased a lot

have u ever come up with a huge idea, only to read it in the papers the
next day?

no, it's really beautiful out actually

have you ever used a popular phrase (cool beans, oh word?, etc..) and
publicly realized that maybe it just wasn't for you?

there are a lot of laws that are outdated

i can't help but recall that high school student who got like 10 years
because he received oral in georgia

if they had actual intercourse he would just have been on probation (i'm
grossly paraphrasing the incident)

i think laws like that are absurd and i agree with daniel that an
objective DA should handle those matters



"I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our
children's children. Because I don't think children should be having
sex."

i wish astros meant more to me than being the dog on the jetsons

but for your sake, absolutely!

did you ever have a crush on a cartoon as a child?

ask her if she knows what dicing really is.

tell her that you're trying to learn to cook and the recipe calls for
diced something or other.

witty comment, nonsense, some banter, witty comment

ask her if she'd like to help you prepare something one day soon because
she's so knowledgeable.

makes for a good first date.

and about the girl/girl thing.. good luck! hahaha even if she says she's
down she'll probably say it "has to be no one she knows" and the hardest
part is picking up someone cold for a 3some unless you use something
shady like craigslist.

anyways hope this helps

yes. please.

it was actually my grandfather who invented rice

apparently his patent was stolen by a shady frenchman

(don't ask)

where do you think all the US honey bees are going?

gang fights and narcotics. Eventually it will

Because they can't wrap that little paw thumb around their c*ck.

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

"If I had to choose between dating you and winning the lottery, I'd take
the lottery. But it'd be close. Really close."


One that I've used that worked!

"Can I sit next to you so I don't get hit on?"

haha, it's not a strip joint..

it's a piano lounge and cabaret

music and all that

and brooklyn is not all gangsta rap and hookers

i also live in a quiet (mostly) suburban neighborhood.

Feel free to take this hypothetically but I'm really interested in
dating someone I've not met at a bar.

I just retained a client who runs a cabaret and I'd really like to take
someone out there.

I was told it may make some people uncomfortable but I think we'd have
fun.

Brooklyn/Queens/NYC area preferred

Or basically anyone who can would enjoy a nice dinner, a few laughs and
can make it to the west village

Depending on how much you're willing to spend.

If you ever watch "The Office" there's an episode where Dwight's
girlfriend gives him a customized bobblehead of himself.

How could anyone not want a mini-me bobblehead?!

I bought one for my best friend and he loves it :-D

http://www.headbobble.com

cost me just over 100 bucks

depending on how old she is, for the cough you can grind up echinacea
plants and boil them, have her put a towel over her head and inhale the
steam from the hot water.

(it's not harmful at any age but as a 10 year old i hated it. it always
helped though.)

as for the tummy ache, caffeine free coke or mylanta :-D

I'm a consultant and today one of my clients decided that instead of
working we should get drunk at his office.

Mind you I got there at around 10am.

We spent the day talking about business and he told me a lot of stories
about how he became successful.

Has anyone ever shared in a mentor/apprentice type experience?
This is the first time I feel I've really had that in such a black and
white way.

no, how would i unpause?

can you walk in flip flops (thongs) without making a sound?