((((((Fairy))))))) my love

Its hard to say without knowing anything about your family, like are they open-minded, conservative? etc....the way I came out to my folks was I just showed up with my girlfriend one weekend when I was visiting them ..I told them I was brining someone special to me for them to meet and left it at that....they sort of figured out the rest.

They are pretty open-minded...and she is coming to visit them with me in June but I kinda felt it best to tell them before hand....they are cool/crazy but not big on surprises!

((((((sharon))))) thank you baby I love you!

Congratulations on your new found happiness.

Since I am probably close to your Mom's age I would say how I would feel and hopefully that will be helpful.

First off I doubt it would come as a complete shock. Maybe if you have lived and dated out of sight for the last decade but generally parents have a clue if they see you hanging out with same sex friends for awhile. Even if you are a "straight" parent you kind of consider it a possibility now days with all the things that are said and written. I assume your Mother is literate and maybe even computer literate but maybe she just has not assorbed any any information on the subject if she hasn't considered it part of "her" world. Not like you found chapters on it in the baby books of the 70's.

Probably wouldn't hurt to have some good information in hand when you talk to your Parents so they get accurate information about same sex relationships. Most only know the propaganda that is out there. An 800 number or a Parent's Support Group.
The church your Mother attends may or may not be supportive of this but a growing number of congregations are and knowing where they are wouldn't hurt. I wouldn't complicate the issue argueing religious views but that some still hold religous values might be comforting to know.

I wouldn't be surprized if; since you are divorced, that you Mom thinks this is just an "after divorce craziness" that will pass. If she fears it will give your Ex leverage for custody with her Grandchildren she will probably have more heartburn over that than anything. I can't remember if you said you already had kids or not. If you are less than two years divorced she probably thinks you are still "walking wounded" which was the popular view about divorce when we were your age. If she liked your Ex she may still be holding out that you get back together with that person. It is pretty realistic she would rather cope with a straight ex than a new concept of a same sex in-law. Moms are human they tend to hope for the traditional when it comes to their child. You obviously are not a child but you are her child and there is no getting around that. Expect she may try to "fix you up" with a traditonal boyfriend.

You are dead on right about not springing this as a surprize. Since you have been so public it might not be. You would be surprized at the number of people who love to be the "eyes in the back of your Mother's head" and may have already outed you through anonomous email, or sibling rivalry, or some biotch co-worker, or even parental snooping; as some of the less fortuneate ways some parents have found out but you want to be respected and accepted the best exchange is face to face in private one on one.

I strongly recommend not COMPOUNDING the revelation by saying "AND, oh By the way, This is also my new partner.

Oh Dang wasn't finished
Unless you are thinking of living together I think I would let the main subject sink in before letting the other shoe walk up. I am NOT saying deny your new partner. That would be a betrayal and start that relationship out on a lie but I would let your Mom know you have had feelings for women in the past and that is not ruled out in the present. She will put two and two together.

Because health is a major concern for parents I think I would take a report that you have seen your doctor and you are in the clear on all levels. That you are drug free wouldn't be a bad thing to add on since the first thing most parents fear is undue influence when a child takes a radical lifestyle change. Since AIDs has made more than one of her peers childless, unless she has no friends, it is a realistic fear.

The second is does your history show you as a selective suitor who will not bring into play someone who will bring domestic violence into your life. Fact or fiction most straight parents fear Gay relationships as being drama filled and drama=danger to parents. Parent's also fear the violence that may be targeted toward you for being gay. Unfortuneately the news plays up the worst fear a parent can have. If you are prepared to show your parents that you are "safe" in a gay relationship and not depending on people accepting it but have taken steps to assure you can exit the relationship safely at will they will relax a little that it is a choice and a safe one.

The whole kids thing is something to have an answer for since parents tend to have a loudeer biological clock than adult children sometimes do. I wouldn't work up to this conversation by telling your parents you have big news to share or you are very likely to make them think you are announceing a very different kind of news. Then there might be the one tow punch. Most parents don't know you could/would have a child with out a man by choice. If you are going to adopt expect strong opinions about it as you would an out of wedlock child. Not every grandparent is ready to be a grandparent much less a grandparent to someone else's child. AGAIN I tend to support one issue at a time but in stress situations things do tend to snowball and it would be good to be able to say "I have thought about all the ramifications and I will talk about the "grandchildren issue with you after you have had time to let this settle in."

Last but not least I would hope you don't make this a "my way or the highway" issue. Sometimes I have seen families co-exist even when acceptance is not what it should be but that only happens if neither side doesn't issue ultimateums.

I wish you well. I have three children and I can tell you there is much worse news to get from your child than they are Gay but it is still new territory for most and it helps if you ease us into the idea than just bam spring it on us.

Married for 12 yrs, wow when did you figure out you were gay

I have been for lack of a better word bi-sexual since I was teenager I have dated both sexes.....so this isn't like something new to me per-say just something I have NEVER shared openingly with my family!