my ex is getting upset with me because my daughter is not wanting to go over to his house as much as she did before and alot of it is because he sat her down and talked to her about how she has a little sister who is only a year apart from her. She thought she was an only child for the longest time and so did I but obviously he was unfaithful to me while we were together. I don't stop her from going with him, he comes over and wants to pick her up and she cries and cries until he finally says forget it..I don't know what to do?? Do I force her to go with him or do I just put up with him being mad at me??

i cant imagine a 3 year old is upset about having a little sister... thats more about the mother being upset i think. not that you shouldnt be, but dont put that on her.
if he has visitation and you feel she is safe with him, why shouldnt she go?
dont make a big deal about it and dont sit around rationalizing with her, pack her up and send her off... they hardly ever cry for long.
tell him to buy her stuff while they are out so she stops...

well the courts won't let you keep him away from her unless he abused her.

try talking with your daughter yourself and let her know that no matter how many kids there are...she won't be loved any less

double post....the computer doesn't like me today

I do force her to go with him and he calls like 3 hours later and says she is still crying and he can't deal with her anymore and that i need to come and get her. What do I do?? Do i just leave her there with him??

I told her that her daddy loves her just the same now as he did before but sometimes it makes me so mad because like i said in my last quote, i do force her to go with him and then he calls 3 hours later and says he can't deal with her because she is crying. If I have to deal with her when she is crying, shouldn't he??

you just need to tell him to talk with her but you need to talk with her too.

get her excited about seeing daddy and tell her how much fun she will have. she's still young and doesn't understand

as far as younger siblings...maybe point out what a good thing it is to be a big sister

i personally think you should let him deal with her being upset... they both have to learn to deal with each other. i know thats the hardest thing, but unless she is being hurt or neglected- he is her father.

unless he is abusing her...he needs to man up and be a dad and not just say ...here...take her because I only want her when she is happy

I'm exagerating of course...but it's called being a parent

I guess I will just have to try that but its so hard when she cries on the phone to me and tells me to come get here. I love my daughter to death and I know he loves her too but sometimes he just dosen't act like he can deal with her and I don't want anything to happen to my daughter.

anything to happen to her?
if you mean being sad or upset, you will just have to deal with it. i know it breaks your heart, but its called life.
if you mean she could be in harms way by being with him thats a different story.
you should probably stop taking her calls, he needs to be a man and deal with the crying... or figure out a way to stop her from crying... just like you have to do when you are with her.

Maybe if he takes her out of the house like the zoo or park, she won't be near a phone and will be distracted looking at the sights. Then she might forget to call you and forget that about crying.

Also, does he have an area that she can call her own - toys, bed. So it will feel more like she's at home and not visiting.

well its the little ones decision if she does or doesnt want to go and i would not force her to go where she doesnt want to!

the problem with keeping her from her dad is that he could take her to court. If there is a custody agreement then she can be held in comtempt

As far as I know she has her own bedroom at his house but now that he let this other girl move in with their daughter. I am not sure, she might have to share it with her sister.

Hummm myself I tend to look at this in a different way. You see it is not offtend that a 3 year old would understand all about the little sister except that she has a new play mate. I tend to go towards the line that something else is going on here.

Sorry but my kids are grown but very much remembered if they cried with anyone for that length of time something is not right.

Not sure but... is your ex with the other woman and her child when he comes and gets her or are they alone. It is kinda hard to figure things out when only part of the story is here.

Also maybe by both of you taking her to the zoo together so you can see her reactions with him. Plus it would let you see how he does around her.

The way I see it there is something more to this story for a 3 year old to act that way. Ohh and yes my ex had a 3 year old when we first got together and it took all of us to work on it for her to want to stay longer but she never threw fits like that. At that age extra time has to be given not just take them home sit them down and say here play with your toys.

Hell I don't know any 3 year old that would not love to go to McDonalds and play on the playground they have or for and adult to sit down with them and play.

My opinion it is much more then just a 3 year old knowing about another sister or brother.

Sometimes, I don't think judges get it. She's still too YOUNG to go for overnights. At this age, they just don't cope well with the separation from Mom (or usual custodial parent)ANYWAY!! They have very little concept of time and all she knows is it feels like forever, not sure if she'll see Mommy again. Now, with this added stress, it must seem a nightmare. Good Mom wants to "be there" for child. Dad doesn't want to pop his top & can't deal with a frustrated, scared child. It would be nice, if you and ex get along, if Dad could visit at your house in child's environment, go to get ice cream as family or something, and work it into she & Dad going for outings for only a little while at a time, until she gets used to the idea and gets a little bit older. I wish I could help you, but this may just need to be about time & aging. If he's nasty to you, he can take you to a grand jury if you don't let her go to him. Speaking from experience here.

Yes it breaks my heart, hearing her cry but I am just going to have to take your advice and not answer the phone. She is supposed to spend the night at his house tonight and he is picking her up from daycare instead of from my house, i scheduled it like that because maybe she won't cry as much if I am not there when she goes with him. I guess we will have to see!!

i know it sucks... but good luck
i read your profile and you seem to have a good relationship with him, so i am sure everything is fine. just a tough change for all of you!
it does get better, i promise!