Do you think ..in this day and age that one could approach marriage, a relationship of lasting...in a "mail order" fashion? Arranged marriage?
As a decision to make the relationship work..no matter what?

Why or why not at our age?

I see no problem with that, at any age. The decision to make it work no matter what is pretty much foreign to our culture of disposable items today.

Commitment is the key...

I’m not sure what you mean here. I wouldn’t want to promise to live with someone for the rest of my life if I haven’t even met them in person yet.

Arranged by whom?

There are so many factors,…

For example, I’ve already had proposals of marriage from several women. Not via email, but in-person. Unfortunately, I had to decline. The reason was sexual. I simply had no interested in becoming physically intimate with them. No thank you.

So now, there’s a major problem right there. If I’m not interested in being physically intimate with a woman and I commit to a lifetime of monogamy with her, I’m basically committed to celibacy. And so is she!

I could have done that without a wife! Maybe a priesthood is looking better. No?

So ok, let’s suppose that we can both live with celibacy. Then what. What about the platonic part of the relationship. What if she’s a social butterfly and I’m a homebody? What is she prefers the hustle bustle of city life and I prefer the quiet solitude of a country life?

What if I prefer to travel around on a motorcycle because it’s efficient and ecologically sound transportation, and she refuses to ride one because they frighten her or she thinks they are too dangerous?

Lots and lots of things.

In short, that celibate life of priesthood is looking better all the time.

Or just remaining single and unattached.

At my age, raising children isn’t going to be a factor anyway, so I’m not sure why there needs to be a ‘commitment’. If we like each other we’ll spend time together, if we don’t like each other we’ll go our separate ways.

Seems like a reasonable thing for intelligent beings to do.



Yes, but which would you rather have. Someone who makes a commitment to stay with you, or someone who actually stays with you because they love you?

Is life as it is lived in this world, now..then, lived in the way you express..just doing as you desire..no need to connect, live as committed and together because it is not necessary to be married or sexual ..only as you please..no confines either priesthood or wed..?

For me, personally, I'm a very monogamous-minded person, and very family-oriented. I believe in marriage particularly for the purpose of raising a family.

However, even in that setting I wouldn't want to commit myself to someone I'm not happy living with, or who wants drastically different things from life than I do.

I never married because I never found a 'compatible' partner. Or to put that another way, I never fell in love with a woman who was simultaneously in love with me. It seemed to always be a one-sided thing when it happened. Thus I never married.

Also, it wasn’t my intent to never-marry. I was just holding out for the right mate. Clearly I held out too long. But perhaps that’s better than rushing into marriage with the wrong person? I wasn’t anxious just to be married. I was hoping to be in love.

Now, at almost 60 years old, raising children is a non-issue. Marriage at this point of my life does not seem relevant. I’m not against it, but I’m not seeking it either. I can take it or leave it, and that would depend on who I meet and what she wants to do.

Whatever will be will be.

But yes, when I was younger I was very marriage-minded and family-oriented. But that alone doesn’t make it happen.

One thing I’ve noticed from talking with my sister is that she seems to need a verbal commitment more than I do. And this may be a gender thing in general. In other words, women may need to know there is a commitment more so than men. But I can’t say that for sure because I’m certainly not a stereotypical man.

I’m definitely not possessive. I’m monogamous, but not possessive or controlling in any way. I don’t need to know that my partner will be with me forever. If she should decide to walk I can handle that. Not saying I’ll like it, but it won’t devastate me.

I think my sister needs a commitment and she needs it early on in the relationship. And by that I mean she needs a commitment of being long-term.

I have no problem making a commitment of monogamy. I’ll do that instantly. By that I mean, that I’ll gladly commit to monogamy with any woman I date for as long as we date. But that doesn’t say that we’ll never break up.

For me, a long-term commitment isn’t something I’m prepared to do early on. Let’s spend some time together for a while and see how things go before we start talking long-term commitment.

Throughout most of my adult life I’ve been of the mindset of living together for at least a fully year (all four seasons). If we’re still wanting to stay together after that then we can talk commitment.

I’m not about to make a commitment in a couple of weeks or even a month.

At least I’ve never met a woman I was that crazy about to decide that quickly. I suppose it could happen, but if it came to that she’d really be something! If I ever meet a woman who makes me feel that way that quick I will be the happiest man on the planet.

She'd really need to be pretty Abby Normal for that to happen though.

Always viewing through the glass,
Liquid and moving, clearly a mass.
Magnifies and burns green hot,
Grass will burn and brown the spot.
RL 3/24/08

The short answer is Yes. The long answer is why anyone would want to do that is beyond me. Taking a active part in selecting your soul mate would be the wise thing to do. meeting them in person at first and seeing if there was any chemistry. You cant always go by what you read and see in photos.Maybe getting family or friends involved might help you see the things you dont.

To make a decision to make a relationship work ...no matter what would be a big mistake unless you didnt have long to live. Living a life time with a bad judgement is way too much to ask for.even in your 50s you could live another 40 years.

Commitment is a ball and chain if there is no love.

The word commitment itself bothers me. The definition I found is "the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself; a pledge or promise; obligation" Being married shouldn't be an obligation. I think, particularly at our age, most of us have been through the ups and downs of a relationship and realize it's not so much that it takes work to maintain a good marriage, but you can't take each other for granted. Maybe knowing what it takes gives us an advantage we didn't have when we were younger and thought we knew it all.

As for an arranged marriage, it would depend on who was doing the arranging. But if you think about it, what is so different than thinking you're in love with someone you meet online before you actually meet in person.