i did alot of thinking last night. i been making alot of exceptions of planning my time schedule for her. where as i had plans before. then to be blown off by her. I decided life is to short. I need to find someone else. this relationship reminds me of someone dating in another state far away. and this is not.

Well... I feel like I wasted my time here.


Everything else I have to say is extremely unkind, so I'll keep it to myself.

You are probably right. Not for your sake, but for hers. How you describe what is going on with you and her, reminds me of a few relationships I've been in and my reactions to someone trying to control me and my time. If I was in a relationship a month old, and I felt someone was trying to vie for all of my time and attention, regardless of what I had going on? I'd probably be pulling away too.
Some people tend to do exactly what you do not want them to do when you apply pressure in a controlling and selfish way.

My guess? This is not your first time in this situation and it won't be your last.

I remained silent until now. I must say you are in the wrong in my opinion. I have no kids but when I do, the most important people in my life will be my wife and children. I hope she does find someone who cares for her and can deal with the fact that communication is important. I know you said you have called and txt just not seen her in person....

Why don't you offer to go over her house and cook her dinner ?
A month maybe to soon to meet her kids depending on how strong she feels the relationship is, but if she agreed I go cook her and her children dinner, maybe rent a disney movie and watch it, and once the kids were in bed talk to her and let her know how you feel and ask what you can do to support her emotionally. i myself would know w/o asking but maybe these will help you .....

wow----
what about just accepting the time you have with her and letting it grow. maybe she is scared, maybe she is playing you...just relax and go out when she has time...lessen the text and telephone calls....
once a week, once a month-- start slow and give her room/time to breathe and think.

now i'm defending myself alot of ur opinions are way off based. I'm not going to list everything in the relationship. or lack of. I just believe in principles. i will give u an example.


when i was 18 i told my gf at the time i would pick her up at work. i went to my car and it would'nt start it was dead. so she lived 5 miles away. i walked in a snowstorm borrowed her parents car and picked her up.mind u i had to walk the 5 miles to get there. but i told her i would pick her up. when u tell someone u will call them u call them. reliability is huge for me. so u can say what ever u want saying i'm shallow etc bla bla bla. thats fine.


now once in while a miss call i'll let slide but a common occurences is just rude.

No need to defend yourself, I am not judging I am just going to reply as to my opinion.

You have been dating a month, jmo, you are in the friendship stage of relationship, learning about each other.

a couple of missed calls, not a big deal, maybe she is feeling smothered (I suffer from that 2)

Just take things easy, relax, it's really not a big deal, as you are questioning I am interpreting that you are unsure, or you want more than she is willing/able to give. speak your concerns and go with the flow.

okay : not everyone is you-- have the same beliefs etc
does not make them rude or wrong
however, if you are thinking that way
you are right ....move on
because from a woman's point of view
too possessive and not enough room to breathe
especially if a relationship of yes we are
a couple and dating only each other and will
be there whenever we need each other is not established--
then there is way too much stress in my life
as a single woman, single mom, etc to remember
a call

best post of the day. u are right on most things. smother god no. not even close . well i like to talk to her atleast once a day. anywhere from just a hi or a convo. its not like i call her all day or anything i call and if she does'nt answer i leave a message. i don't call back till that message is returned. so one day i called and did'nt hear from her for 2 days then i get a message from her asking why i'm not talking to her?

Then that's the problem, it could just be miscommunication.
she didnt get your msgs and or you didnt get her calls.

sounds like shes trying to brush you off

According to what we have to go with? Not really.


True... But in the real world? Other things can take priority. Especially if there is an ill family member in the mix. I gather from your posts that you are having some difficulty initiating a conversation with her about your issues. Compounded by your making a decision to end it, without ever having talked with her.

If I were in your position? If I felt the way you said you did for her, in your prior posts? I'd be trying to grow a set and talk with her in as kind and caring a way as I could possibly pull off... before coming to my own conclusions.

When my Father was ill... I had a pretty demanding girlfriend. There are also times that my work takes me away from communication of any kind short of smoke signals or two dixiecups and a string. In hopes of my Dad surviving, and for my and my families financial survival, there were times she would not hear from me for days. My family and my ability to take care of myself and mine, has my priority. She knew this, and apparently, was not ok with it.
Rather then discuss it..She chose to let her frustration change her behavior. Notice I said 'I had a girlfriend'?
Eventually her behavior was more detriment then her presence in my life was an enhancement. It added to the stress of my Fathers condition and the resulting financial state we were in.

I cannot possibly imagine if it was my child.. or if I was the mother! Neither can you.

jistme. ty u for ur post . sometimes examples are good to read and to learn. I think alot of us run into new experiences everyday.
well i decided after losing sleep the past few days over this just to end it before it goes any futher. If she needs any help in away down the road. as a friend of course i will help.
i just need a more normal relationship. hey we all need different things here.



theres a ton of people here who are selfish about how much money there living standards are. or what car they should drive. or how tall someone should be. or the xfactor how much someone should way. now none of those things are important to me. i like to see people from the inside. but I just need a normal relationship.

There is no such thing as a normal relationship.

I would think that you posted this thread because you care about the woman. I'm sorry, but I'm just not seeing your point of view. You repeatedly come off as selfish and a fair weather sort of guy who cuts and runs when things get harsh or don't meet your standards. I'm not saying that is who you are, just the impression you've given.

Again.... there is no such thing as a normal relationship. It might be more of a detriment than you realize to search for something that does not exist.

i would say 80% of the relationships i have had were normal.

I've got 12 or so years of living on you. In the grand scheme of things.. That ain't much of anything. Back when I was 13 and you were trying to find your ears, nose, balls and feet... Maybe when I was 20... and you were pulling girls hair to express your attraction...It was something. Now? We are both grown men. Both of us have lived enough to come up with a few life judgements. Both have lived long enough to understand some of our judgements do not hold water any more.
Keep in mind that what I write next is for your eyes.. but also for anyone who reads it.. as well as.. I hardly ever write something in these forums that is my own idea.. Simply what I either noticed or someone told me about their life..and it proved true in mine.


I come from a far different place then you. If I define any relationship I am in... as 'Normal'.. It is less than a relationship.

My life has many relationships. I am a Son, a brother, a friend. I was a husband once... If my Son survived.. I'd be a Father.
I have had a few intimate relationships in that.. Which took up most of my life.. as opposed to several. So.. I have been.. and am a lover.

Less then 20% of my intimate relationships are considered to be normal. Way less... If I were to place a percentage on it? I can't... Even the ones I might consider normal... were not. Simply because I came away from them feeling 'Huh? What just happened?' Somehow.. I was not a participant. I was out for me. Regardless of what might be happening in their life...
Bottom line? I could have cared less for them.... That is a normal relationship. Where what is going on in their life is nothing to me, unless it directly effects me.

Where their presence or absence in my life is predicated on my entertainment.. or smile.. as you put it. It is all about what I want... I need. My security.. My insurance..... My ego.. My plan... My sense of my reality.

Anything I might do that can look like something non-willful.. I do. Then I brag on it.. and concentrate on it... Use it to hedge my bet. Make me look better in public, amongst my friends... Most importantly.. In my mind.

I call that normal...

If I behave normally in any relationship I have today.. Whether it is a friend, brother, son, or lover... I question it. If they are not shaking me out of my tree or hole... Not causing me some discomfort... What good are they?

If someone in my life treats me that way? I try to... I mean really try to... offer them a sight to what they are doing.

If I thought most of my relations were normal? I think I might just think suicide is normal too.

All of those relationships have changed me.. tested me... They still do. I am very lucky in this regard. I still am friends with my highschool sweetheart. I'm still friends with my ex wife. I love them both.. They love me. Those two.. took up most of my life. They witnessed all of those mistakes I made from age 14 to 38. I witnessed theirs.

They are both incredible women. Worthy of my love. As anyone I've said those words to in my life... As the woman I am in love with today, which represents herself in this thread..

I have no idea... Truly I do not. I also know..it is not for me to discover, fall into or invent... I do not know the way this works.

I love her. No matter. Willing to let her turn my world upside down...

Kick? All eyes are on this.. but it is meant for you.
If you are in love with this woman, in the way you sort of indicated with your first post... You need to offer... All you have.
If you are not.. You know the answer. Walk away.
Normal is still working for you.

Either way? What she does or does not do... Will let you know what to do next. If you listen to your heart.. If you are falling for her? You deserve the chance of her hearing it. A chance to listen to her heart.
A chance she is feeling something for you too…

You just need to be patient

we talked tonight
and discussed things we are good to go

yay we were all right...

just hit it and move on