what SOME men are really saying



~what they say~
“I really want to, but if you don’t then I totally respect that.”

~what they mean~
"Ahhh, right... so when I said 'double date,' what I meant was... wow, this is awkward..."

“Listen, *****. If you honestly think that you’re sleeping over after a sub-par hand job, you have another thing coming to you. I called you to come over here for one reason: sex. I don’t care about your morals, I don’t care about your ****ty ex-boyfriend who made you scared to ‘get hurt again’ or whatever bull**** you were just muttering, all I want to do is get laid. If you cannot provide that then get the **** out of my bed. Pick your battles. Either get on top and do me like you’re supposed to or face a freezing cold walk home ALONE in the dark. …Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

~what they say~
“Things are going really well with us, but I still have feelings for my ex, and I want to slow things down with you because I care about you.”

~what they mean~
“I’ve hooked up with you at least three times so I know you’re hot, but under no circumstances do I want to see or speak to you other than when I’m drunk texting you, drunk dialing you, or drunk ****ing you. I know you are going to continue hooking up with me, so I just needed a good excuse to keep things from escalating to anything remotely close to a relationship. Still, you must think that I’m both honest and emotional, so I know you’re not going to judge me or be mad that I’m not sleeping over, right? You’re fun when I’m bombed, but sleeping in my own bed, alone, post-ejaculation, is even more fun.”

~what they say~
“I’m not like every other guy, I promise. I can’t believe you would even think that!”

~what they mean~
“I’m not like every other guy, I promise. They are a lot stupider than I am because they actually show you their real motives. On the other hand, I’m fantastic at making you believe that I truly like you and want to start a relationship with you, when really, I don’t even know your last name. In fact, I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation. Why do you care if I’m like every other guy? You aren’t here to evaluate my disposition, you’re here to do the dirty. Get to it.”

~what they say~
“I’m so drunk.”

~what they mean~
Prior to sex: “If I can’t get it up, it’s because I’m drunk, not because I have some type of erectile dysfunction, so don’t go and tell your friends that. Also, don’t you dare tell your friends that I took advantage of you. For all I know, you could be some fat chick who is taking advantage of me. I can’t see straight, so I don’t even know what you look like. This is a prime example of a guy with beer goggles. Don’t call me tomorrow because this is a drunk hookup. Unless you’re hot.

Immediately following sex: “If I just made some weird animal noises or did some freaky ****, it’s because I’m drunk. If I told you anything that might make you think that I like you, it’s because I’m drunk. If I pass out soon and start snoring and drooling, it’s because I’m drunk.

A week after sex: “Please don’t talk to me. That was a mistake. I’m busy trying to mack on some other girl right now. You’re ****-blocking me hardcore. Keep your phone on though, because if this conquest doesn’t work out, you’ll probably get a drunk dial later on.”

~what they say~
“I don’t have a cell phone, so I’ll Facebook you.”
~what they mean~
“I’m a creep. I’m a creepy loser with no phone, no friends, and no dignity. Run from me, please. Immediately.”

~what they say~
“Sorry I haven’t called you lately, finals week is killer. Let’s get together soon.”
~what they mean~
“I thought for sure there was something better around the corner after you! Unfortunately, I was wrong. I’ve been in a slump since we had drunk sex in my dorm room, and I’m getting pretty sick of telling my roommate to leave the room so I can jack off. Maybe we can redeem the meaninglessness of our last encounter, say, tonight around 3am? I’ll call you.”

~what they say~
“Text me when you get home.”
~what they mean~
“I’m too much of an asshole to walk you back to your dorm, but I don’t want you to know that. Instead, I’ll try to vindicate myself by pretending that I’m concerned with your well-being. In reality, I’m shutting off my phone right now so I can go back to sleep, since you robbed me of that by taking up an entire eighth of my bed last night. Have a nice life though, I’m sure I’ll never see you ever again.”

~what they say~
“You’re just so…different from all the other girls.”
~what they mean~
“You are different from the other girls. In fact, you’re so different that you actually want to talk to me and get to know me instead of just doing me like you’re supposed to. As a result of this unfortunate verbal situation you’ve put me in, I’m going to do all that I can to make you think that I am, indeed, intrigued by your personality. If all goes as planned, you’ll be walking back to your dorm room in exactly 43 minutes. Text me when you get there.”

someone feeling a bit jaded?

you a jerk ducky

hahaha nope not at all
you??

ahh did this one piss they guys off?
i said some not all

hey i helped you guys out its time for the girls now

your post for the guys was just as useful as this......

then dont read them
easy enough right?

its the truth

<----what does this look like? i rest my case your honor *walks back to seat and sits down*

I feel so blessed. I've never had those experiences!!! And, I'll kill the one who thinks he could even fathom so.

if only i knew what fathom meant

ya'll are getting screwed then....

whos doin the screwin

I'll be there shortly

Priceless