Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.

And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim.

Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there.

OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.

So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy--

IT'S JUST NOT SAFE!!!

I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her . . . "look, it won't bend."

She said, "sit down like I do-- all the time!!"

OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood". Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room.

Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.




I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume 'the flying superman position' ...

....laying over the toilet seat.

This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee.

So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control.

It's not our fault...... it's just Mother Nature.


Now, if it was 'Father' Nature,... there wouldn't have been a freakin' problem in the first place!!!!

well hells bells, it all makes sense now

Now I have to say that is the most hilarious thing I have read in a while....

And I for one...can't stand the fuzzy covers...I do understand the dangers....lmao.....

aim and shoot in the shower...

rinse shower afterwards..and simply don't tell...

this post was to funny...

I don't touch those fussy covers either...matter of fact I never had one..don't like them and I had boys to teach to aim and fire away...

ok, so I should look for a superman then?
This story is priceless! you should post a video for better understanding

i do in person demos so no videos sorry.......

I WOULD try the flying superman trick...except I can't pee in cold water.