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| Topic: CHANGING A LIGHTBULB | |
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How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!" and throw his hat in the air. How many armies does it take to change a light bulb? At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;: the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening. How many members of parliament does it take to change a light bulb? Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how it's done. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three: one to sue power company for insufficiently supplying power, or negligent failure to prevent the surge that made the bulb burn out in the first place; one to sue the electrician who wired the house; and one to sue the bulb manufacturers. How many trainspotters does it take to change a light bulb? Three: one to change it; one to write down its serial number; and one to bring the anoraks and the flask of soup. How many Belgians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to change it and one to serve it with chips and mayonnaise. How many divorcees does it take to change a light bulb? None: the sockets all went with the house. How many Italians does it take to change a light bulb? Two: one to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four: one to change it and the other three to deny it was ever changed. How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb? None: let the ***** cook it in the dark. How many Trotskyites does it take to change a light bulb? It's no use trying to CHANGE it brothers, it's got to be SMASHED. How many christians does it take to change a light bulb? Three: but they're really only one, so that's okay. How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? Only one: but it takes eight months at $300 a day. How many dogs does it take to change a light blb? Two: one to change it, and the other to sniff the first one's arse. How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four: one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb`? Four: one to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it; one to accuse its owners of mistreating it; one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next six months; and one to eventually bring it back and say it was al done with the light bulb's best interests at heart. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb.  
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