I wrote the following song I'd be interested in opinions and/or suggestions. Also if it sounds like a popular song please cite the song and artist so I can listen to it myself.

You can hear my performance of this song here:
(it's the fourth song down on the page)

http://www.csonline.net/designer/ideas/rainbow.htm


~ I Love You, That's Really All I Know ~
© 2008 Abra (James)


When I first met you all I knew,…
Is that my heart belongs to you
I wish I knew what I could do,…
To let you know my love is true

What can I say to you, to make you understand?
The love I have for you is higher than a mountain
and deeper than a river grand,…
I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know,…

Well I’ve been living live alone,…
In a cold and empty barren home
And now I never seem to roam,…
Very far away from my phone

I want to call you up and tell you how I feel
I can’t sleep another wink until I know
you know the love I have for you is real,…
I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know,…

Now you may find this hard to hear,…
My body’s trembling in fear
That I might fail to make it clear,…
My love for you is quite sincere

What will I do if I fail let you know
Every time I feel you near
my spirit is projected to a supernatural plateau,…
I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know,…

I need to know that you are mine,…
From now until the end of time
To miss your love would be a crime,…
To know your love will be sublime

I need to hold you in my arms forevermore
And fill you up with all my love to let you know
that you’re the only woman I adore,…
I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know,…

Now I’m awaiting your reply,…
I think I see it in your eyes
I feel like I could reach the sky,…
You make me feel so high

We’ll come together like the soulmates in a dream
Mak’in all our fantasies become our true realities
through magic of our love supreme,…
I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know,…

(((( abra )))))

A very talented man i must say,,

WOW!!!!!!!!!
Abra you just brought back a lot of memories man

BRAVO!!! (((Abra)))

Thanks to everyone for the comments.

I made a new recording a little more upbeat in tempo and added a little more to the ending to close it up better.

I also changed the name to "My Heart Belongs to You"

I posted the new version here.

http://www.csonline.net/designer/ideas/heart.htm

I'm still trying to get my act together as a performer though.

But at least it gives you an idea of how it's supposed to go.

Whistles, standing ovation, and oh heck yeah, the ever favorite full throated Xena war cry.............

Grinning like an idiot, Go Abra!

Thanks Lauri.

I’ve been wanting to do this over just to clean up the performance a bit but my asthma’s been kicking up lately, so no go.

I also redid “Different Kind of Wench”, musically it’s basically the same but I changed the lyrics up a bit. Instead of it being a ballade about her ‘strife’ it’s now a ballade about her ‘gift’.

Also, instead of it being about saving all of humankind it’s about saving her own heart from sin and shame.

Oh well, just a few simple changes in the lyrics of the ballade, but it does change the whole gist of the story. I haven't recorded the new version yet though.

I redid “Jenni” too, but alas, no breath to perform it right now either. Figures that I'd get into songwriting just at a time in my life when I’m losing my ability to breathe.

I really liked it, James. It was cool to hear your voice.

Roy

You never know Abra, maybe the work-out will enhance your lungs' ability rather than deplete it. The human body's one of the weirdest animals around. Have faith and don't give up! Belief, although sneered at by some, is a most amazing gift or curse depending, of course, on WHAT you believe.

I listen to this one often James. I really like it alot especially the first version!

"I love you,… And that’s really,… all I know..." I love that line

I've caught myself singing it in the shower

Thank you for sharing your creativity with us!

Why the first version better?

Do you like the slower tempo? I actually sped it up the second time because I thought I sounded like a zombie the first time through.

But then going back and forth between them sometimes I do like the slower tempo better.

OR,… did you not like the additional ending of the second version. A woman actually told me that the first version made her feel left hanging and so I added the few lines to kind of ‘sew it up’ at the end. That’s what sparked me to change the name of the song too. Since it now ends with “My heart belongs to you” (which was also in the first line of the song).



That was actually the seed that started the song. It was the first line I wrote. I wanted to write a love song but I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “I love you, and that really all I know”.

Not much of a song huh?

All the other verses were built up around that theme. I just tried to convey what is sincerely in my heart that I would want to tell a woman I’m genuinely in love with. And so the whole song grew from that seed.

Some of the lines were dictated by a need to rhyme. But the they managed to fall in line with what I was trying to say.

The only line I’m not real happy with is the last line of the last stanza,…

Mak’in all our fantasies become out true realities through magic of our love supreme.

I like the thought it conveys but it sounds a bit more wordy than I would like. I’ve really been stumped to try to come up with a line to replace it that conveys a similar thought. Especially one that ends in a word that rhymes with Dream.

And I do like the line right before it, “We’ll come together like the soulmates in a dream”

Actually the line isn’t quite as problematic at the slower tempo, so maybe that’s a hint to keep it slow.

I’m still fighting with my asthma right now in a big way and can’t even sing for practice right now much less try to do any recording.

By the way, I’ve redone “Artgul” too. A rainbow fell from heaven?

But I can’t record it either until I can breath again.

I’ve also been talking with some other guys about getting together to record these as a band. Just a drummer, rhythm guitar, bass guitar and me. With someone else on the rhythm that will free me up to put in some lead guitar licks. And possibly add things like flute or fiddle to some. With a band we can get carried away with inserting some instrumental breaks.

Now if I can just get my wind back,…

I believe that I will not only get better, but I will eventually completely free myself from any respiratory problems.

I also imagine a Different Kind of Wench brewing potions in the moonlight in a huge black kettle over an open fire with a drumming Shaman in the background. As steam from the potion rises into the starlight sky she chants incantations to cast all evil from the womb of the earth.

I feel the evil spirit evaporating from my body as I envision her spiritual handicraft.

Funny how my nebulizer creates a nice fog to enhance that vision of evil spirits evaporating away.

I also envision the Differnet Kind of Wench peering into a large crystal ball and seeing a nebulizer mask laying on a table no longer being used. And in the background there are silhouettes of men playing in a group singing praise to the Wiccan Shamans of the world.

So, yes, I have a vision for my future.

I like the slower tempo. It really is a man sharing his heart and I think the tempo works better.

And I liked the way it ends....open ... all you really know is that you love her ... beautiful ...

It seems to flow better for me.




Actually I think it is a great seed upon which to base a song ... and I like the melody...




I see what you mean about the extra syllables... why not just shorten it while keeping the meaning?

'Mak'in all our fantasies reality through the magic of our love supreme'




Oooh goodie ... I feel like I am waiting for a Christmas package. I can't wait to hear it!!!


Take care of yourself James...I hope you are feeling better and breathing easier soon!

Actually I do too, I think it just needs to be done more professionally.



That’s kind of what I was thinking. It’s like, “That’s all I know”. And there’s nothing more to say. Maybe the music could just end better after that to give it closure.

However, after I added the closing lines that also gave a better feeling of having actually finished the song.

So many things to think about, and everyone has a different taste in these things. I think I’d really hate to have this as a professional career.



Well, with the way I’m wheezing right now it might not be until next Christmas before I can breathe again, so you might get your wish after all.

It is certainly NOT my wish that you are wheezing until next Christmas. It is my wish that you are fully healed in this moment.

I know.

I've actually been working on your song tonight. I sound like Darth Vader right now though.

You song is HARD to play!!! And to SING!!! (at least whilst playing it)

As you know I wrote your song first as poem. Then I 'narrated' it without music. But I tried to “sing” it as a narration.

So now I’m trying to put music to it that will match the singing. It has to be done via ‘finger-picking’ because strumming just won’t cut it for this piece. Actually I have no problem with finger-picking because I play classical guitar. But each chord has to be made into just the right arpeggio to fit the words well. And being the stupid perfectionist I am, I can’t stand to just plink random notes. So I’m actually writing up the music in some detail.

I rearranged the lyrics as follows, because it makes much more sense musically this way. I’ve still retained all the original wording, just shuffled things around a bit. It’s actually much better this way now, and I’m anxious to actually sing it But it takes a lot of voice control especially with regard to good breath control. I wish I could just call up Simon and Garfunkel and have them do it. I think it would fit their style really well.

Here’s the rearranged lyrics, but you need to hear it to appreciate the new music arrangement. It’s not extremely different from the original, just slightly different, in subtle ways.

I feel so inept right now! I can’t even sing a song!

~Artsy Gurl ~

A rainbow fell from heaven
and shattered on the snow
glistening with color
that sparkled all aglow

A little gurl with artful eyes
felt sorry for the light
she collected all the pieces
in the hope to make them right

She painted with their colors
drawing landscapes in the sky
hoping to restore the bow
with the love she could supply

~~~

She’s an angel, - of splendid personality
the leprechaun of imagined fairytales
She’s a cherub, - of eternal immortality
preserving love, and things thereof, and all that they entail

~~~

Her artful eyes were filled with tears
there was nothing she could do
then the light became quite bright
and filled her through and through

She sniffled as she wiped her eyes
she did all that she could do
she felt that she had failed that day
but opposite was true

The gurl went on to grow a bit
but her inner child remained
she never bought religion
she was naturally ordained

~~~

She’s an angel, - of splendid personality
the leprechaun of imagined fairytales
She’s a cherub, - of eternal immortality
preserving love, and things thereof, and all that they entail

~~~

And now she’s here to bless us
with the spirit of her soul
and everyone is sure to say
she’s the one that they extol

She shows us that she loves us
She shows us that she cares
She holds us all within her heart
and keeps us in her prayers

~

She’s an angel, - of splendid personality
the leprechaun of imagined fairytales
She’s a cherub, - of eternal immortality
preserving love, and things thereof, and all that they entail

Here's the new lyrics for Lauri's song. Quite a few word changes, but the music is unchanged. I haven't yet recorded this new version.


~ A Different Kind of Wench ~

Many lives ago
there was a woman who bestowed
magic spells upon the men she used to know

In the life she now resides
the flowing Tao has change its tides
the magic that she knew no longer flows

She refuses to resign
to the of chaos the times
she needs a partner in her crimes
Clinging to her dreams - Sublime

~~~

She’s a differnet kind of wench
She’s a differnet kind of wench
A rare uncommon soul adrift

She needs a different kind of man
She needs a different kind of man
A man who can understand her gift

~~~

In years of late
she made a date with Satan’s evil demons
for a war that would determine future fate

Without her man she stands no chance
of thrashing demon ogres
in their plot to fill her heart with lust and hate

~~~

She’s committed to proceed
to find a man of purest breed
to satisfy her deepest need
In the covenant of love - They’ll succeed

~~~

Will her dreams come true
and will she ever follow through
to beat the devil squarely at his game

Will she beat her lot in fate
or is it ominously late
to salvage all her love from sin and shame

~~~

She’s committed to proceed
to find a man of purest breed
to satisfy her deepest need
In the covenant of love - They’ll succeed

~~~

She’s a differnet kind of wench
She’s a differnet kind of wench
A rare uncommon soul adrift


She needs a different kind of man
She needs a different kind of man
A man who can understand her gift

~ ~ ~