Good afternoon everyone. I'd love some advice on something by some objective people if you guys have the time... i'm sorry its such a long question...
I recently met a guy about 3 weeks ago who is my age, 19, he seems sweet and really passionate about forming a serious long-term commitment with me, but he comes across as really intense sometimes. He says he'd seen me around the neighbourhood and fell for me at first sight. The problem is that he is a guy who as far as i can tell lacks ambition, who is working at a job he hates instead of furthering his studies and seems that all he really cares about is me and doing whatever it takes to "have" me. I told him we have compatibility issues because he likes to party while i am a homebody, i go to university whereas he doesnt, i'm someone who keeps out of trouble and he has been honest with me about his past which includes criminal activity.
My question is how do people in such a predicament handle the fact that someone is an otherwise sweet and devoted boyfriend while at the same time not being as commited to the relationship as he is because you see serious incompatibility issues that he sees as "complimenting each other"?

It sounds to me like you two wouldnt make a great couple to be honest. You both have totally different goals in life. Plus, ive learned from experience that if a guy is that "into you" in the beginning, hes either just after one thing, or hes gonna be crazy. You want a guy with an even mix. A guy who will call you because hes thinking of you but he doesnt have to talk to you every hour on the hour to know you still want him. Those kinda guys are only trouble. Good luck.. I hope it all works out for you.

I think you need to decide what you want out of the relationship. It seems you have a lack of respect for his determined lack of ambition and drive, which really translates into settling for laziness. If you want a relationship with a future... move on. He could just need time to grow up and get his priorities in line, but it appears your life goals right now just don't mesh. You need a man you can admire and respect and it really doesn't seem that you've found this in him.

If he is a devoted and sweet boyfriend... enjoy that. Just recognize it might need to be a temporary boyfriend with no likelihood of a future with you.

Sorry to be so blunt. Again, just my opinion.

It sounds to me like he is interested in you... but is he right for you and is that interest purely physical? Personally, I'd be very hesitant if I were you. I can understand someone working rather than furthering their education, however it sounds like your interests and his are nowhere near similar. My advice is to take things slowly... and see if he changes his lifestyle. If he stops going out so much, and tries to share in your interests he may be genuinely interested in you. If not he probably just wants to sleep with you.

i think i u

Being 19 isn't the most ideal age for finding a "serious long-term relationship" for the very reasons your beau-to-be has shown to you. Dating someone that lacks many of the ideals you hold dear leads to some serious issues as you both get older and decide where to go in life.

Taking it for what it is... two 19 year olds sharing time now, learning how to go about things, might be th ebest course of action.

I'd avoid putting a lot of hope into something that will last forever with someone you already have reservations about before things even start.

Don't think you can change him, or try to change him, or undertake a project thereof. That's absolutely the worst case scenario here.....

Best of luck to you with you studies and relationships!

thank you and everyone else who responded. I am taking your advice to heart

where is it written in stone that we must not let an opportunity pass?

The choices in life are constant.

Compatibility outweighs desire and desires always come upon us with a profound ease.

But ease without convictions is a random convenience.

Embracing random conveniences are not conducive to embracing a vision and that is conducive to establishing a well lived presence.

The life you are choosing is apparent. You want to grow.

Someone will cherish that very motivation someday and strengthen your resolve with their support and that mutuality is conducive to compatibility.

Joy is far more pleasurable than pleasure without mutual joy!

Is he a weight or a lightening of burden for you?

Can the two of you reach higher together or apart?

Flattery has rendered trouble to me in my youth, but my resolve to grwo has also created gulfs in relationships past that would not sustain the relationship for very long.

Expectations are met with false hopes all too often.

Your choices not only affect your life, but the future course of your path.

It is on that path in the journey that you are establishing for yourself that will draw companionship that is healthy for your fullness of joy.

Patience will reward you.

Take it from a guy who has been that into a girl, it destroys the relationship in the longrun. Try and give him tips on improving himself and furthering his career/life, see how he takes to those recommendations and go from there. No one person can center themselves around another, it has to have an even displacement.

Just from experience, hope all goes well for you both. Cheers!