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Topic: enough time, not enough time, too much time
gatorgirl123 Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 27	Mon 02/25/08 11:07 AM
So how does one know when they have given sufficient time to see if that someone is who you are looking for? We talked on the phone for weeks, hours at a time. Seemed to hit it off. Upon meeting, he was wearing jeans so tight that he had an hourglass figure, a mooseknuckle the size of 2 grapefruits, and huge gold rings adorning his hands. Feeling shallow for being embarassed, continued seeing him, giving plenty of gentle hints, then just coming right out and saying something. There were other things that began to become apparent over time, that were not originally there. (jealousy, feelings of inadequacy, constant reference to the ex wife, remaining pics of the ex on the walls of his home)He described himself as having traits, interests matched things that I was looking for. In reality, he wanted to be like this but never had. In his defense, he really was the nicest guy I have ever met, just sheltered, living in a time warp, and not very open to suggestions. When I broke it off, I was made to feel on the one hand, that I had not given it a chance and on the other, that I had given it too long. We saw each other on weekends, lived 2 hours apart, and so 4 months did not seem too long. He had told me that he had few second dates previous to me, so I thought he deserved a chance. That's my question. How long is too long or not long enough?

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/25/08 11:10 AM
Do not place time restraints on a potential relationship; always trust your instincts. When your instincts are telling you it's not gonna work, take heed and listen. Good luck!

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Mon 02/25/08 11:10 AM
The moment you feel as though he misrepresented himself and was not receptive to your feedback. That is long enough.

jhitchco Joined Sun 09/02/07 Posts: 463	Mon 02/25/08 11:11 AM
Do not place time restraints on a potential relationship; always trust your instincts. When your instincts are telling you it's not gonna work, take heed and listen. Good luck! I second that

countrybumpkin2u Joined Thu 02/21/08 Posts: 1238	Mon 02/25/08 11:17 AM
The moment you feel as though he misrepresented himself and was not receptive to your feedback. That is long enough. ditto

PATSFAN Joined Mon 12/10/07 Posts: 42782	Mon 02/25/08 11:18 AM
So your not looking for a nice guy, or a nice guy that has to be perfect??? I'm not being a jerk , I just don't understand sometimes...

Gypsy41 Joined Tue 05/15/07 Posts: 123359	Mon 02/25/08 11:20 AM
Why was I laughing hysterically reading this thread???

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/25/08 11:20 AM
The moment you feel as though he misrepresented himself and was not receptive to your feedback. That is long enough. Hiya lilith, question re your comment, receptive to your feedback, what did you mean? while I admit his attire may have been a little amusing to say the least, were you referring to his inability to change due to suggestions? just asking

Gypsy41 Joined Tue 05/15/07 Posts: 123359	Mon 02/25/08 11:21 AM
How about the 50 year old guy I seen at the bar the other night with a piece of jewellery around his neck that said "BLING BLING" ON IT???? Can you say......."Point and laugh?"

CATBW56 Joined Tue 02/20/07 Posts: 7224	Mon 02/25/08 11:22 AM
Do not place time restraints on a potential relationship; always trust your instincts. When your instincts are telling you it's not gonna work, take heed and listen. Good luck! Follow your gut instincts....if in reality you know it's not going to work out, chances are it's not.

iam4u Joined Fri 10/13/06 Posts: 30096	Mon 02/25/08 11:22 AM
Do not place time restraints on a potential relationship; always trust your instincts. When your instincts are telling you it's not gonna work, take heed and listen. Good luck! I second that OK,,,OK,,I third THAT!! lol AND, I would like to say that in order to really KNOW someone you have to give them at least three times of meeting them, unless they are WAY-OUT-THERE, lol But to FEEL someoens heart and to see with their eyes, its NOT over-night. And I gave a lady 6 years to try and HELP her from her depression and to TRY and change her out-look on men and her self...lol NOW I know WE CANNOT EVER CHANGE ANOTHER, and if THEY have faults that bother us alot, MOVE-ON...That simple,, Life is WAY-TO-SHORT to live it in a DREAM state. I was forty three when I met her, been away from THAT for a year and a half, but THE TIME WASTED, was NOT in MY best interest to lose.lol Finding a person who can LOVE you as YOU love them, is a very hard thing to find.. But WE ALL keep trying to find what makes us ALL HAPPY.. Such is life and such is dating.. YOUR guy will find YOU, if YOU miss HIM!!!

gatorgirl123 Joined Mon 10/08/07 Posts: 27	Mon 02/25/08 11:27 AM
not looking for "perfect". I was looking for someone who could feel just as comfortable in jeans and hanging out as he would in a more formal setting. I specifically said I could not deal with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Confidence says a lot, and I'm not opposed to assisting in that area; I believe I did in fact.

erowid1 Joined Wed 02/06/08 Posts: 1029	Mon 02/25/08 11:28 AM
Why was I laughing hysterically reading this thread??? could have been the "a mooseknuckle the size of 2 grapefruits" refrence!! lmao!!!

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/25/08 11:28 AM
not looking for "perfect". I was looking for someone who could feel just as comfortable in jeans and hanging out as he would in a more formal setting. I specifically said I could not deal with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Confidence says a lot, and I'm not opposed to assisting in that area; I believe I did in fact. Good for you, I dont believe anyone will ever be perfect per se. But I do hope I find that one that is perfect for me.

Gypsy41 Joined Tue 05/15/07 Posts: 123359	Mon 02/25/08 11:29 AM
Maybe he needs bigger jeans..........and less bling bling......ohhhhhhhhhhh a makeover!!!

Monier Joined Sat 03/17/07 Posts: 3337	Mon 02/25/08 11:30 AM
Accepting people for who they are seems to be something that everybody in life needs to do more of. Dragging something on that you're uncomfortable with, for any reason is unhealthy. If somebody needs to judge, it's better broken off and not waste each other's time.

Derek_03 Joined Wed 01/02/08 Posts: 576	Mon 02/25/08 11:31 AM
I agree... go with your gut.

iam4u Joined Fri 10/13/06 Posts: 30096	Mon 02/25/08 11:33 AM
Accepting people for who they are seems to be something that everybody in life needs to do more of. Dragging something on that you're uncomfortable with, for any reason is unhealthy. If somebody needs to judge, it's better broken off and not waste each other's time. GREAT POINT!!!and very true..

PATSFAN Joined Mon 12/10/07 Posts: 42782	Mon 02/25/08 11:34 AM
He was wearing " Nut Huggers " ..

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Mon 02/25/08 11:35 AM
The moment you feel as though he misrepresented himself and was not receptive to your feedback. That is long enough. Hiya lilith, question re your comment, receptive to your feedback, what did you mean? while I admit his attire may have been a little amusing to say the least, were you referring to his inability to change due to suggestions? just asking Fran~ Let me explain? What I was referring to the OP's comment about dropping subtle hints. I was taking her post to mean hints about the ex, his self-esteem issues, and most importantly his being under the impression he possessed traits he did not have and was therefore misleading to this nice lady. His inability to discuss these issues with her, and to be openminded, is where I draw the line. In my relationships, I like to talk about such things. I'm not perfect, I'm not an island, and I appreciate feedback both positive and constructive. To start a relationship in defense and fantasy mode isn't the best. Self-awareness and the willingness to be self-aware is what I mean, I suppose. Did that make sense?