G'nite ((((Dc)))))

g'nite (((((catch)))))

Seventeenth Chapter
A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week.

"Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for our lesson I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark."

The following week, at the beginning of the class meeting, the teacher said, "Now then, all of you who have prepared for the lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please step to the front of the room."

About half the class rose and came forward.

"The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark."

Helping To Clean The Dishes
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog.

When asked why by her former employer, she answered, "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road.

The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher.

"But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It is post-dated six years from now."

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

She was incredibly upset now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."

The lady was so upset that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again.

When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."

She paused and said, "Yes?"

The bird said, "You know."

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a b*itch.

STUD ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken
coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these
chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old
hens over in the corner?' The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up
and I am taking over.' The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I
will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over
the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a
chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'


The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster
takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the
young rooster has closed the gap.


He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer,
meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the
roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squalking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit..... third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this story? ....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will
always overcome youth and arrogance!

LMAO


Thanks tex...... thought I was in here alone

How are ya darlin'??

Gotta go 4 now

Ya'll have a SAFE 1

That Darn Cat

There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.

The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.

As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.

The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!

Just poppin in to see who's here..

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it drops out of a tree, it'll kill you?






























A pool table.

Lord have mercy..I admit it, I laughed at that ^^^^^^^

Why did the elephant paint all his toenails different colors?
































So he could hide in a bowl of M&Ms....

I wanna have fun .. is there fun to be had here?

((((DC)))) Waited for ya darlin....gotta head to bed ...have a great evenin' and great day tomorrow......

New FDA Alcohol Warnings for Booze Bottles


1.Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2.Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a loser.
3.Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
4.Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5.Consumption of alcohol may convince you that your ex is really dying to hear from you at 4 am.
6.Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
7.Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
8.Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that you're tougher than a really big guy named Kong.
9.Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
10.Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
11.Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small... or large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
12.Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.