Ever wondered what the advice column of Cosmo would like like if Men wrote it? Read on!

Q: My husband wants to experience threesome in bed with my sister and me.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?

A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not confused emotionally as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?

A: YES. If possible, BEFORE!

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex ?

A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember
is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem
strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?

A: There is no average time, but anything over two minutes is good.
Anything under that and you may be rushing your man. After your man has
finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly,
and go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol and sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies.
Don't feel left out--while he's gone you can busy yourself by doing his
laundry, cleaning his apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "after play?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. "After play" is simply a list of important activities for you to
do after the lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him
a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to
sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?

A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male
penis measures about 3 inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and, if by some chance your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank you lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartmentand buying him an expensive gift.

I think you should retitle it.
What if an ass wrote cosmo.

It needs a new title....

Metropolitan.......?!?!?!?!?

Hahah ok despite how stereotypical that was, I forgive it because that was damn hilarious.