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| Topic: TOP TIPS TO HELP THE DAYS GO BY | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Sat 02/09/08 09:00 AM
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An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply pissing in the sink Drill a one inch diameter hole in your refrigerator door. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when the door is closed Make bathtimes as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath. "Fun-sized" Mars Bars make ideal normal sized Mars Bars for midgets. A 'Post-It Note' stuck beneath the nose is an ideal way to foil lip-readers. Would-be criminals. Before you commit a crime, get a foretaste of what the world would look like from inside a prison by holding a fork up close to your eye. Skateboarders, Stop your trousers from falling halfway down your arse by wearing a strip of perforated leather with a buckle around your waist. Ladies, When treating genital thrush, always ensure you use natural bio-yoghurt and not raspberry flavoured Munch Bunch. Convince bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your a*se before holding the glass close to their nose. Boiled eggs cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs. Commuters. When you leave your house, sprint the first 200 yards and then revert back to your regular walking speed. This will save you from having to do the run of shame for the bus nearer the stop and look like a fool when you miss it. Motorists: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice quickly and watch the driver in front hit his brakes when he thinks he's been caught. Old contact lenses make ideal 'portholes' for small model boats. Moms. Confuse your children by mixing real butter with their "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter". They won't know what to believe.  
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