HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES

( Lovers of Words)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger; Then it hit me.
-----------------------------------------------------
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-----------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-----------------------------------------------------
The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
------------------------------------------------------
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
------ ------------------------------------------------
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
------------------------------------------------------
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
------------------------------------------------------
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
----------------------------------------- --------------
Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar and got twelve months?
-------------------------------------------------------
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement and became a hardened criminal.
-------------------------------------------------------
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
--------------------------------------------------------
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
----------------------------------------------------------
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
-----------------------------------------------------------
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
-----------------------------------------------------------
A will is a dead giveaway.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A backward poet writes inverse.
-------------------------------------------------------------
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
--------------------------------------------------------------
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
--------------------------------------------------------------
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
--------------------------------------------------------------
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
---------------------------------------------------------------
The guy who fell into the upholstery machine was fully recovered.
----------------------------------------------------------------
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'Taint mine.
------------------------------------------------------------------
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
------------------------------------------------------------------
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
----------------- --------------------------------------------------
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
If you jump off a Paris bridge you are in Seine.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
-------------------------------------------------------------------- Acupuncture: a jab well done.

Heee hee! Pretty good!

My favorite> When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

good one