Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run
to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the
right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't
hurt

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it
spells "Theirs."

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to
know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up
your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf .

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth...AMEN..!!

Thanks Jill,
I needed a little humor to start off my day, off to my crappy job now...which I will soon be leaving,,,

if it's that crappy to you... then I'm glad you're leaving it good luck!

great thoughts to wake up to.will keep me laughing this weekend