Whilst enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.
Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?"
he inquires nervously.
"No, silly,"
she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?"
"No, don't be silly,"
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demands the bewildered fellow. Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies,
"That's me before the operation."

A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the zoo keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker from East Texas who was responsible for cleaning the animal cages.
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample interest to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept the offer, but only under four conditions:

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
.

3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again, it was agreed.

And, last, Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.

WOW you must drink a lot...

OMG!!!

OMG!!!!

i lie them both funny stuff i think

lmao

lmao