Original I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most
people die
of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a
weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still
can't help but smile when you see 'em tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of
nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take P rozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole
box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one care s, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he doesn't like
it,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

must be bad when the dog cant handle your breath!

ROFLMAO. That was good.

yo jackass it was a chain mail