This is something that's bothered me over the years. Recently, I found out that this man I'd been involved with is doing drugs and it certainly explains his major personality changes. We are no longer friends, for obvious reasons. But what makes a man choose to take this path?

ive never understood the attraction of drugs ...suppose to make you feel good or take away the pain etc...but surely theres so much good in life you can get your rush from that

Debbie JT:

My sentiments exactly. And my next question would probably be, how can a woman avoid someone who does drugs? This particular person hadn't done them, then had his cousin move in, and it all went downhill from there.

My kid's father was into drugs when we was together..I think It was who he hung around with and some of his past while he was growing up is why..Yet not really sure ..Just my opinion..

what makes a man or woman choose this path?...
There are so many variables to this question, none of which make sense...just excuses for people who do drugs...
For them however, they probably either think they have no problem whatsoever, denial, or they feel as though they are a "victim" of something that life thru them a curve ball and choose drugs for an escape...

Like I said, regardless of the reason, addictive personality, etc; it's hard to say..it's really sad though..potentials are lost...it's such a waste..
sorry to hear about your friend and your relationship..

Unfortunately it's not just men who do this. Loads of people take drugs on a night out and can just leave it ...some get hooked first time (depending on the drug) and some, I guess just have addictive personalities. It's a very complex issue but I guess the real question is what makes people want to try them in the first place? I dabbled in my teens but never found them to be right for me, I just became high on life instead

men and women both fall into drugs its an addiction and stupidaty. I was once there and i am so glad i got away from it. My ex pheancee is still there for all i know

its a disease..it takes over family's relationships..destroys everything in theyre lives if they are really addicted..trust me been there, done it..alcoholism runs in my family and i've seen some nasty stuff..untill he decides to get help, nothing will never changes..

i would never date someone on drugs ..dont need the drama..of mood swings..and i need my next fix etc ..plus i have a child and there is no way i would want them round my son...i remember dating this guy with a young daughter...we went round to his cousins for bonfire night ...trays of weed left around the house ...i told him to take me and my son home,,wouldnt mind there were loads of kids there ..total madness

It's the easy way to a very pathetic form of satisfaction. Relationships, children, employment, house and car payments, extended family.....all of these things eventually become secondary to an addict. All those things require effort and responsiblity. Drugs don't. You get them, do them, you're high....pretty easy. No problems, no stress, no worries.....They get to avoid the technicalities of life. They get to walk away from life. Drugs are the choice they make when they don't have the stamina to make it in a normal and everyday society.

Thank you, everyone, for your responses. It gives me food for thought. Years ago, I had female friends who got into drugs and while they were involved with them I wouldn't even talk to them. In the case with this guy, he's history, no matter what. He doesn't think he has a problem and his behavior is way out of control. Sadly, it seems to be a path of self destruction. And, like some who are addicted, he won't listen to anyone. Sometimes there's nothing a person can do, but move on...

im in the exact same position...once was there and now the ex-fiance` is still there...im glad to see i' not the only one...some ppl can't help it...it's in your DNA...If ur parents are addicts, ur most likely gonna be one to, unless there's a way to get urself out of the situation....

I agree Lily.

From what I been through and seen in my past, some feel they don't have a choice and that drugs are a way to deal with there emotions. It's an addiction that the person is the last to know they even have and will be the last to admit it to themselves. Until they see it and admit it to themselves. They will always put everything second and there is not nothing or anyone can do about it.

There are no easy answers for this. Some want to feel good and some want to escape reality. But what I have observed is that most of the people who are doing drugs to escape the harshness of their life usefully have a low self esteem, lack of (or no) quality friends and have no direction or goals in life. The drug of choice may help with their vanity while the drugs themselves puts them in a false sense of friendship other like minded people. And if you don’t have any ambition in life, this is all just a recipe for self destruction.

I’ve seen drugs destroy many lives and it’s all very sad but I’m also talking about the hard core ones verses the soft core. The addictions are powerful and relentless. Most of those people don’t understand that your mind may escape reality for a fraction of time, but in the real world your problems will always be there waiting for your return. I believe that if that individual can address the root cause to their issues coupled with some direction in life there may be hope. And other people who recognize this should step up to the plate and maybe help them to understand what poor choices their making and how this will have a negative impact on their overall health as well. I also understand that not everyone wants to be ‘helped’ or ‘saved from themselves’ so poeple would have to find the balance between helping those who need it and not imposing on those who just don’t give a s***.

The bottom line is if people took better care each other, many of the world’s problems wouldn’t exist.

Pick your poison.

Drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, eating disorder, workaholism... The list goes on. Drugs are just one of the many things we can choose to be self destructive, outwardly destructive. All can have adverse effects on any person of any age and gender, as well as their relationships.

There are as many 'reasons' as to why as there are those who have these issues.

I abused drugs and alcohol simply because I chose to. For me... anything else said would just be me rationalizing and making excuses for my behavior.

Some say it is a disease, some say it is a life style choice.. I tend to agree with both of these theories, but I do not let it rent a whole bunch of space in my head. The more important question and answer in my life today is why I don't do these and the many other self destructive things I've done in the past. Again.. because I simply chose and try to choose not to.

The thing I've learned? Everyone on this earth has a self destructive behavior all their own. Mine just happens to have a name, and a place to go for help. Yours may not.. or simply be a behavior that is grouped with other behaviors under some generally over diagnosed disorder... then again ~ maybe not.

One self destructive behavior is not worse then the other. All of them, depending on the severity, almost always ends up the same... through very similar processes, if not dealt with. Dead is dead.

It is much easier to ask questions about others behaviors, then to take a hard look at your own. To call those inflicted with something you are not familiar with, pathetic, worthless and any number of descriptive words that completely omit that persons redeemable traits, and make it reasonable to write off that person for your own fears. When actually.. you should be staying back, not assisting them, not enabling them..out of care. Regardless of your fears.

What I've found is that those in my life who were quick to condemn me, turned out to be condemnable themselves, by their own standards.

How that applies or does not apply to each individual here who reads this, is not up to me. It's entirely up to you, the reader.

Addiction. Denial. Numbness. Plain and simple.

Very good and very helpful. Thank you. Although this person isn't anyone I can help (he's been in rehab before and lost his CDL to do trucking, which is his livlihood), it at least gives me an idea of where the root problem may lie. I'd thought it was me, but this seems to be something out of my control, majorly.

You're right. But there are some that are so difficult to deal with, that even a friend can't help them see for the light of day. Even if I was to talk to his mother, who works at a hospital (she's not a nurse), there probably isn't much she'd say she feels she could do about him, since he is 42 years old.

they have to hit bottom before they see the light

addiction, they don't care about anything else.