The above acronym is Divorced White Male No Kids. Now upon first thought I would have and did, think that was great. But after being a DWMNK for two years now, I have had only one relationship that I would consider serious, and she turned out to be a nutjob.

It has made me conclude that either single moms don’t want to waste time with me because they think I’m a deadbeat dad who claims none of his kids or that I don’t know if I even have kids and certainly don’t care if I do.

Nothing could be further from the truth! I love kids and dearly wish I had one of my own! I was simply careful growing up. Careful and extremely lucky. It isn’t my fault my ex was infertile and couldn’t have kids, nor is it hers. We went through a brief stint where we considered adoption, but that took a backseat to her getting her master’s degree. When she finished, we both decided that since she had already been teaching school about nine-years before she gained her masters, that we would just be happy with kids she taught as a stand-in for having kids.

That worked fine until we got divorced. Now she has our 2 cats, 2 dogs, and a school full of kids still and I have, well, nothing. So tell me what you think, is it selfish for me to want kids or a kid? Am I just feeling left out of the loop? Or do you think this is a natural parental instinct kicking in.

Seems I strayed of topic here. This isn't really asking relationship advice. Oh well, sorry if people get bent out of shape.

I'm a DWMNK, too, and that works fine for me, except that I never should have been married in the first place.

I knew from an early age that I had no interst in, nor aptitude for, being a father. My ex-wife claimed she didn't want kids either, but I wouldn't have gotten involved with her to begin with had she said otherwise. Of course, as soon as we separated, she got mixed up with a drug dealer and then popped out the first of about 17 (that I know of) offspring.

Trying to find a compatible person -- one who doesn't want kids and who doesn't drink, who is intelligent, creative, and totally non-mainstream -- has been just one notch over from impossibility for me, especially on dating sites where 98% of the people would choose alcohol over breathing.

But it can be done. I lucked out and got back together with an ex-gf who is pretty much the polar opposite of the ex-wife. Ever since I met her, she has always been "the one." I've known it for years; she recently told me she has known it for years, too. It was just a matter of both of us being honest enough to admit it.

Sometimes good things happen....! And now, I'm really glad I didn't settle for anything less than what I truly wanted....

Re: your question "is it selfish?" I don't see it that way. Some people are great "natural parents" -- others have kids without the slightest thought or consideration as to how it will impact on the lives of all concerned. It sounds to me like you've put a lot of thought into this, anyway. Which is a good thing.

I'll give you one of mine!!!

On a serious note, it is not fair to generalize but I have found that men with no children have never experienced the sacrafices required. Putting someone else first seemed to be a foreign concept to them.

I dont see it as selfish I have talked to alot of men in there 40's that want kid kinda blows it for most women in there 40's for most have already had there kids and having kids is no longer an option or a desire. Myself have2 kids that are grown can't have anymore kids and am enjoying my grandbaby instead. But one must really take some deep thought about it for if is it kids you really desire then make sure the one your talking to has the same desire or you will be lacking in the relationship.

Wow I get to give advice to some great published writers. My opinion is that no it is not selfish. But then we are a rare breed those of us in our mid years- single with no children. After our educations we just became overresponsible and the family thing just never happened. Its not selfish that we desired it would happen.

Well I can only speak for myself. I would be less likely to date a SWMNK simply because I have my kids and am not going to have any more. I would not see a problem combining a family w/ a man who already has kids though. Usually men that are in their 30s or 40s and do not have kids either want a child or don't. If they want a child, that does not work for either of us because I am done having children. If they don't want a child well that doesn't really work long term either because I have two that will always be my first priority. I realise there are men w/ no children who could/would exept mine without wanting one of their own but I think they are few and far between. JMO Good luck in your search.

It's not strange for a man your age to want children... no stranger than it is for a woman my age to want children. Although the older I get the more hesitant I've become.

Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places. I don't know, because I have been wondering how it is a mean and nasty psycho can find a man that will stick by her through her manic modes and I, being a normal and independant woman just have had very little luck at all!

So good luck on your quest!

I think it is entirely natural and normal to want children (not that I'm insinuating Lex is entirely unnatural and abnormal ). Growing up, I did not want to marry or to have children. But...I had my son and he changed my life and perspective - for the better!

Is it selfish to want kids? Not unless you are on welfare. No, Peccy, I don't think so - a kid would be blessed to benefit from the qualities and assets you possess.

Well, you would have to get in line for that one; and it's a LONG line!



I agree. The fact that Peccy is thinking along these lines indicates to me that he would take parenting very seriously.

I'm a DWMWK and I understand exactly what FreshMountain was saying about experiences and what we want at this time in our lives....

the OP is older & wants kids....At my age, with my kids being teens, I really don't want to start a new family....it would be more realistic to combine families or just maintain separate households.....

everyone has a different situation.....we are each in different places in our lives....that's why 'timing' is so important & so out of our control....the hard part about finding that significant other is not finding a good person, cause there are tons of those even on these boards.....its finding the right person for us at the right time in our lives...the thing is we don't know when all these events will come together....

It's not selfish. It's very human and normal.