"Yar, matey. Sure ’twas a broadside from a British merchantman took off me leg durin’ a runnin’ battle on the Spanish Main. Chain shot it were, meant to take the riggin’ off me ship, but just as liable to put a man on a peg as tear down a mizzenmast.

Why me hook hand? Oh that … ’Twere a cutlass what give me this claw. Cut clean off as I was boardin’ a fast tea clipper inbound from the East.

And me eyepatch? Powder explosion whilst I was loadin’ the deck gun.

The parrot on me shoulder came with the uniform."