--Not to brag, but I just went in another room and actually remembered why I went in there. It was the bathroom but still....

--I have washed my hands so many times I found the answers to my 8th grade social studies test.

--Thoughts and prayers go out to all the married men who've spent months telling their wives "I'll do that when I have the time."

--Homeschooling Day 3: They all graduated yesterday!

--My wife yelled from upstairs and asked "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I was concerned and replied "No..." She responded "How about now?"

--If you see my kids locked outside today, mind your own business. We are having a home school fire drill.

--If someone isn't social distancing behind you, just fart!

Funny .

️️

🤣

lol

Maybe TMI, but I am just starting my third roll of TP since this all began.

I did stock up on food like a sane person, though (still didn't hoard)