Sex was invented by Thomas Alva Edison on July 16, 1876.

At the time, Edison had been working to develop "entertainment devices" for the masses-and during the previous months he had invented the whoopee-cushion, the hand-buzzer, Play-Doh, fake-nose eyeglasses,the first cordless vibrator (a massive steam-powered unit that covered six and a half square city blocks and required 235 men to operate), and the one device he considered to be his greatest gift to mankind at the time: the ball-point pen that turned over to reveal a naked woman.

Upon being introduced to sex, the country was thrown into a turmoil - and in order to maintain order, the government seized all ofTom's patents and drawings, and locked them away in the federal archives until the year 2186. (The only exception to this were his plans for the steam-powered vibrator, which were released in 1964 and used as the basic design for the nuclear submarine USS Trident.)

Devastated at the havoc he'd created, Edison redoubled his efforts to provide entertainment for the masses and quickly invented movies, the mimeograph, and the phonograph.

In fact, his greatest invention of all, the light bulb, was created as a means of deterring sex. Because as Tom himself put it, "Who inGod's name would ever want to do it with the lights on?"