You know you have been single too long when both your hands roll over and fall asleep on you.

When same sex marriage was legalized in my state it made dating 10 times harder. Now I had women to compete with also. So, I added lesbian porn to my personal research program.

" This is just a joke ladies - please don't hate me"

You know how one mans trash is another mans treasure?
Is that why women get to get re-married....

You know why 77 is better than 69?
You get 8(ate) more.

You know why 88 is better than both of those?
Because you get ate twice..

If it takes a regular guy a monthe to do a job he is hired for, How long would it take a meth addict to do the same job?
Tweeks (two weeks)

Told my buddy Doug, I have a new pickup line for him. I told him to walk up to any woman and say, "Hi, my name is Doug. That's GOD backwards with you in the middle.


2 drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.... Da Da Tssss...

There is this doctor that specializes in circumcisions. And for some reason, he saved the foreskins until he had a good size box full of foreskins. One day he took the full box of foreskins to a taxidermist and told him to surprise him and make something from them.
The doctor returned a week later and the taxidermist handed him a wallet.
The doctor looked at him and said, "I gave you a big *** box of foreskins, and all you made me was this small wallet.
The taxidermist looks at him and says, "Yeah, give it a couple of rubs and it's a suitcase.

Instead of "That's what she said", try saying this, with a little attitude behind it. "That's What I Told her !!".

sounds like you have been busy