Wow, where are you from? Texas? You're so country.

LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Sign me up, I'm sold!!!!!!!!!

Texas? No, ma'am, can't rightly say so. I am from A country, though. Pretty sure it's Estonia.

People ask me what I do for a living and I tell them "elvis impersonator". When the laughing subsides because I look nothing like elvis they say "ok, give me your best elvis impersonation". I clutch my chest and pretend to fall over dead.

Alright! Kyles top ten list of most annoying questions.#10:"what are you thinking?" Usually after sex. Thinking? Thinking? I'm thinking its time for you to leave.

#9: "Can I ride your motorcycle?" which I always come back with; "Can I f*ck your girlfreind? No? Well you can't ride my motorcycle."

KYLE! YOU'RE OUTTA CONTROL!!

#8:"Yo buddy, can you get me backstage?" um dude you have cigarette butts in your hair, what's left of your teeth are green and you smell like beer and rotten feet. Do you think the band, the crew, and the guests in vip are going to like that? Uh no.

#7: "Can I touch your hair?" usually from complete strangers this question gets old. My comebacks have ranged from "can I stick my finger in your ass?" to "Only if we can have sex afterwards" to "Yes, but then I'll have to kill you". Cmon its just hair.

#6: "Dude, how long did it take you to grow your hair that long?" answers have ranged from "Its a wig" to "A couple of weeks" to the truth which is this is my third full growth from a bald head since december 7th 1988. Donate your long hair to locks for love in florida.

#5: "Who farted?" well that's pretty obvious numb nuts you're sitting with kyle! I farted. But I will look at you and point at you and exclaim "Skunk smells his own hole first!" if it makes you feel better.

#4: "Can I have your autograph?" just because I look like a rock star, act like a rock star, and hang out with rock stars doesn't mean I'm a rock star. But my rock star freinds have explained to me about hope and charity and giving even if they have me mixed up with someone else just give em the autograph and make their day. The amusing thing is at work I have a lot of federal paperwork and I have to sign for temporary custody for transfer of materials. I have my signature-regular and my rockstar signature. The federal government gave me notice that both signatures are now mine legally and custodially. Yay I'm patented. I feel so special. Pull my finger.

#3: "when are you going to find a decent woman, get married, and settle down?" this is the most frequently asked question I get asked by my 63 year old mother. It has become a running joke. My answers have ranged from "when I find one that lies still and shuts up mom" to "decent woman is a oxymoron and a fallicy mom" to "I need to get a better job so I can afford the alimony mom" to "now why would I want all that aggrivation and stress in my life mom?"

Laughing my freakin ass off right now...you are funeeee!

One thing you're annoyed of being asked???

"WOW you live in Vegas!! So... are you broke?"

-Is it that big-

Yes my **** is huge so stfu and stop asking.

#2: "why won't you sleep with me/ f*ck me/ have sex with me?" Usually on a first/last date. Uh because I'm not easy? Uh because its a first date? Uh because you're nasty and a turn off? Help me here everybody.

Is that an ashtray in your pants , or are you just glad to see me? Wasn`t meant for the gents....Question was from ladies....Don`t want people getting the wrong idea... After all it`s just a joke Don`t go there

And #1: you knew it was coming. You waited long and hard for it. Here it is! "where are all the/why can't I find a good/smart/kind/gentle/hot/respectful/considerate/wonderful/intellegent man out there. DUH NOOBIES!! Because you're too smart to find them in the previous threads on the same subject over and over and over!

the most annoying thing that i get asked every single damn time i leave the house with my kids is "are they all yours?" NO i f*ckin stole them from the neighbors sheesh.