on topic, i'd say a home date as a first date with an online person is a little bold though i've gone from point a to point b in one before just for the fun of it

but why put yourself in that position.. unless you're just into the risk. could be icky or could be ok, but sounds like yer pushin it. brief and public better with a stranger

For your own safety, please meet in a neutral place. Online and phone is very different from in person. I'm only 35, but getting back in the dating game is very different now. You can't let them pick you up at your house until you know them. On my first date at 16, my dad was cleaning his deer rifle on the front porch. I don't think those things happen enough anymore.

toooo open i say.... when in person things are or could be different... leave yourself a way out....if they can buy a dinner to cook they can buy u a coffee or vise versa...

Joyce, in a perfect world, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with this idea.

But, after experiencing some very strange things while meeting people from various websites, I would never do a first meeting at my home or theirs. It would have to be somewhere public and as "safe" as possible.

There are nutjobs out there, and some of them can come across as very sane and rational -- until you meet them. Trust me, I seem to be a magnet for them.

Better to be safe; if it's real, it's worth putting a little extra time in, just to be sure....

i move to second Lex's position

but i will say that i think it depends on how much interaction you have had in the past. if there had been enough interaction with numerous videochats and knowing someone for a long enough time online then i think it would be alright.

there are a few who i would not hesitate to meet whom i initially encountered online even in my home...but probably i would even meet those people someplace fun and neutral at first just so there would be a little more space at first.

as i have said before, i think you can get to know someone very well via the online type of interaction if it is done properly....better even than in face to face dating (albeit in a different way)...but i would still suggest coffee or dinner for a chance to get to know each other a little before bringing anyone into my home - or going to theirs.



and if they *pushed* in any way to meet at their place or at my place - i would run like hell.

Ya know that all depends how long you have been talking ect. and how much you really know about them if they live that close then I would go to a public place. For the first time for most likely you have only spoke with them for a week or so.

But most you meet online lots of times do not live that close and first meetings are after you really get to know them first then one or the other must travel to meet them and yes the meeting is a totaly different situation.

i remember the time i met someone online<not from here> a local chat room geesh he seemed nice....i met him at red lobster on a busy road... now im not into certain heights on men but he said he was 5'9 well im 5'4 i meet him and he was 5'3 now how stupid is that? knowing i would notice? first flag... second flag... told me before we went into resturaunt... now if the waitress stare its cause i come in here a lot.... humm...third flag.... after dinner he wanted me to go to his place and meet his cat?.... and last but not least.... at the car right next to a very busy hwy....after i told him no i had to get home... he pinned both my arms up in the air and forced a kiss on me.... told him no and struggled but he continued .. all in the while everyone on they hwy was driving by........ now should i have gone to his house for dinner?

facts are u never know a person till u have spent quite some time with them in person..... and even then u may not know them!

ps his pic was like 10 yrs old too.....

Joyce, meet in public frst & get to know him for real first.
Your to nice of a lady, would not want anything to happen to you.

Txs -- This is where the "experience" thing comes in. I was talking to someone last year (from another site) for about 5 months. She was from another state and a considerable distance away. But we talked on line and on the phone every day, for hours, she sent me tons of pictures (of her, her cat, her house, her family members, etc.), and I felt I knew her reasonably well after 5 months.

So finally she comes out here, and it's NOT EVEN THE SAME PERSON!

You just never know until it's face to face. And it's always good to have en exit strategy until you're really really sure....

i alway meet at a restrant or coffe shop first even if ive been talking to them for years

second senerio....... same thing as above...... so this guy i had talked to for some time seemed great .. he drove 100 miles.... he had told me he didnt do drugs .. cause i had mentioned i was against them... that his job<dumptruck driver> would never allow it that they are tested..... bigger than sh**.... i sat in car with him and talked<mind u i left door open and legs hanging out..> while after the lunch we had seemed to go well.... both drove our own vehicles to the river where thre are parking lot and lots of people on trails so not secluded... this guy lights up a joint!!!!!!!!!!!!! since when is pot not drugs? i got out and left.....said i had to go to the bathroom and i noted there wernet any there first so i had to go home

***LAUGH EXPLOSION***



ummm Lex - who did the videochat and who were you talking with on the phone?

more laughing

I have had (thank god) better experience. i have only met
two people online. the first one there was no chemistry intially but she is a wonderful person so chemistry developed and we were together for a year and a half. the second was dating for 9 months then 13 years +...



but i will absolutely agree with you that there are a lot of dishonest complete nutjobs from hell out there so it is much much better to be safe rather than sorry.

or WORSE - of course a genuine friend would never care about where or how they met you in person.

just to be specific, the first one i met online - we went to a movie and it turned out so nice - i gave her and her bike a lift back to her place and... i met her CAT!! the cat was definitely a nutjob - although we eventually became fast and close friends! the person was just wonderful and genuine and well like i said it was a great friendship that lasted a long time and we still email once in a while.

the second one i met from online - we played tennis. doubles. and it was great and well the chemistry turned out to be overwhelming.

so it is not always bad. but it is not a good idea to meet anyone at home at first.

Meet in public first, even if everything was safe, still meet in public....much less awkward

buttons and lex should write a book. or at least a faq...



omg buttons, i am so sorry to hear that you (and lex too)
have had such weird and ridiculous experiences. who let the
dogs out?!!

Well, see, there never was any webcam stuff or anything like that -- it was phone and IM and e-mail -- she had a digital camera and e-mailed me the pics, and later sent a lot of stuff through regular mail --

But the pics of "her" were of somebody else (never did find out who) -- I do think that was actually her on the phone though....

The real her had a lot of other problems, too, and clearly wasn't ready to attempt a relationship. Very nice person, but not for me....

I think what happened was that my reflex reaction was more of "Hey, I like her, I want to get to know her" instead of "Be careful out there" -- and I got lucky, because as bad and uncomfortable as it was, it could have been a LOT worse.

i'd definitely webcam or meet someplace neutral
my experiences with meeting were also in the prehistory
of the net when the dino-bots were just a figment
of Al Gore's imagination.

if they were local i'd just go out for coffee or
something.

i think voice/vidchat will replace chat and im soon.
im is so chatted out.



there may be some room for this kind of interaction and
email though. sort of like letter writing for the modern
person....

And who can forget my incident with the casual first time dinner date whicg was nice and cordial. After the date I dropped her off at her door and went home. She then decided to stalk me and defamed my character around town by telling anyone who would listen that I was her "sex toy". Then in a fit of frustration she attempted to burn my house down because I was not there. Neighbors surveilance cameras caught her. I filed a restraining order and found out she had a long criminal record and had legally changed her name and moved from where she previously lived to try to hide or get away from her past behavior of stalking men, slashing tires, killing pets, and arson, and many more. I do background checks and meet in public places. THIS CRAP HAPPENED TO ME IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! Be careful.

Joyce...........you are an intellegent woman.....TAKE the advice you would give to your very best friend.......