I can identify with what you're saying No1.

About a year and a half ago I was displaced from my home and job in the Florida Keys when hurricane Irma hit. In a way it was like a blessing in disguise because my life down there was pretty non-existent. I felt stuck in a family (with a sibling and her children) that was very to toxic me. The natural disaster basically forced me to take a look at myself, my life, who I was, and where I belonged.

I set out a little over a year ago to explore that through seasonal work and travel. At first it was an adventure, a few months ago the reality of being homeless and feeling alone in the world set in. Everything I thought I knew and was was gone and all I felt was a huge void that longed to be filled. I questioned my ability to stand on my own, even though I had been doing it for the past year. I found myself wanting to return to my family home in the Keys and return to my old job since it had been rebuilt. My life could go back to normal again... if not for a friend reminding me that to go back would be suicide, much like returning to a terrorist camp that held you captive for years, I might have went back.

It's not easy starting over. The feeling of wanting to return to what was lingers inside and at times can be overwhelming. In my case it would be detrimental to my well being so for me it's not wise, so I am choosing not to return. So now what?

I still feel at times I'm left with a huge void that longs to be filled. Only difference today is that I have a choice. I can continue to live in the past and long for what was or I can move forward and embrace what's to come. All that I am is because of my life experiences. In reality nothing is really gone, there is no void. Those experiences, both good and bad, are still there inside me. The imagined void is filled with courage, strength, and wisdom... I just failed to recognize that, until now.

Moving forward takes faith. Faith in oneself that even though the external environment changes, we have what is necessary inside of us to adapt to the changes.... to embrace to new doesn't mean losing those things we hold dear. We can still hold dear those memories and have the ability to create new memories as we move forward in life.

I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you No1... maybe simply to just have a little faith!

Best wishes to you and thank you for your post.

Edited for typos

OOh! River what a thing. you just have to keep going don't you? Life changed for me 28 of feb 2018, rushed to hospital septicemia, kidney the size of a boxing glove, perforated like a teabag. nearly died 3 times in 2 months, wife of 25 years turned her back, said she wasn't the nurturing type, took up with a folk musician, didn't come to see me in hospital.
just like that, everything changed. Got a little bleak in there for a while, but you survive don't you? so we got divorced, I bought a nice little 2 bedroom house to live in, and things are ok, It was hard to deal with at the time but things get better.I smile in the mornings now, and have returned to health and fitness. new life :) I hope 2019 brings good things for you.

And you may find yourself
Living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself
In another part of the world
And you may find yourself
Behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house
With a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
And you may ask yourself
How do I work this?
And you may ask yourself
Where is that large automobile?
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful house!
And you may tell yourself
This is not my beautiful wife!
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Water dissolving and water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Under the water, carry the water
Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again in the silent water
Under the rocks, and stones there is water underground
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go to?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? Am I wrong?
And you may say yourself, "My God! What have I done?"
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again in to the silent water
Under the rocks and stones, there is water underground
Letting the days go by, let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by, water flowing underground
Into the blue again after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime, water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Look where my hand was
Time isn't holding up
Time isn't after us
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Letting the days go by (same as it ever was)
Once in a lifetime
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by

Talking Heads "Once in a Lifetime"