I don't know what to do about the situation I'm in right now. I was engaged to this guy and we were together for almost 3 yrs. but he got arrested for some things he did in his past before we met.I tried to be there for him and nearly went broke doing it but now I just don't know what to do anymore.The logical thing to do would be to leave him but he did nothing wrong to me and treated me like a queen.Our relationship was great.On the other hand I think I should stay and hope for the best so we can continue our life together when he gets out.I wish I knew how long that would be.Maybe this decision would be easier.I need some opinions or some kind of advice.

God that's hard. He did something that he needed to go to jail for? I can understand wanting to be loyal, but for how long...and at what price.

I don't think I could wait for an indefinate amount of time

Good luck in what ever you choose to do....

that's a tough situation... my first and best advice is to be careful - you're responsibility is to your daughter first and formost. Don't make decisions that may negativly affect her future.

Second piece - be careful here... you're young, and you knew him 3 years before that, and you say he's in jail for something he did in his past... it sounds like he's a bit older than you.

everyone deserves redemption - but that doesn't obligate you to throw your life away to give it... be very careful with your life and your daughter's life.

MY insticts tell me, get away from the situation... but I don't know the whole situation... it just sounds bad, and you have other responsiblities (and you're young) - you may have a very difficult decision to make here, and you're a very young making it.

So there's no easy answer here - and when that happens, fall back to what's most important.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I work for the courts.
I need some more info before I can form an opinion.

1. What were the charges?
2. What was the sentence? Jail/Prison: how long?
3. Has he been arrested or convicted before? Is this his first time in jail/prison?

If you let us know this it would be easier to help you.
Thanks!

only you can go in your heart and mind and think what it is you and only you can handle good luck

Hummm yeah more info before I would say my thoughts for sure it must have been pretty bad plus if you have kids humm there welfare comes first

The first thing you have to do is ask yourself is if he did the same thing while you were together would you leave. Hopefully this is not a continued behavior. The second is how long are you willing to wait. If this is his first offence more than likely he wont be in for that long, unless he killed or raped someeone. The third is to think about yourself (witch is the most important) what kind of life are you going to have if he is in there for a while. Good luck in thinking..

My best advice is offer to be a friend to him while he is in and carry on with your life. It is too hard to try to ride the prison train. If he gets out and you are still single then see about it. I will tell you if he has a felony charge on his record his employability goes way down and he will be on paper when he gets out which is always a pain. He must face it and go through it because he did it but you did not and you will suffer alot while he is in there. JMO

Well,the charges were aggravated assault,no sentence has been put out yet and he's in county jail.When we met he was a born again christian and was a totally different person afterwards.He was arrested before but for traffic tickets and once for being drunk in public.This was before we met.He was in jail before for a yr but I forget what that was for I just hate that after all his hard work to be a better person this has to happen and now I don't know what to do.I thought about my babygirl and she loves him to death.He's the only real daddy she knows.

From an objective perspective, it sounds like someone who's had a lot of run-ins, and may have more. And if I'm wrong, then that's Great! I'd love to be wrong about that.

Your daughter is only two - be very careful here - don't dismiss what you objectivly see just so your daughter can "have a dad." There are better options out there.

I know I'm comin' off as a judgemental jerk - but I've seen lots of women get involved with lots of guys like this... one thing here, one thing there, before you know it, you're in too deep and there's a whole mess... You say you've already spent a fortune on him...

If I'm wrong about him, I'll be the first to eat the crow, just pass the catchup - but I've seen this pattern a LOT. There's more here than you know - you're still young, lots of life ahead of you, and more opportunities...

P.S. I've never had to eat that crow...

If he was a real born again christian, why didn't he turn himself in and come clean with you before he was arrested?? He should have told you before all of this started, then you could have made the decision to stay or not instead of being thrown into it blindly.
If it was me... I would probably leave.

I hate to be blunt but if he is a born again Christian why he did assault someone? You need to think about that.

If he was in prison before, for a year, then he will go to prison again if he is convicted. More likely, he can plead to a lesser-included offense, as in a lower level felony, in exchange for leniency by the courts. He would go to prison for at least six months, if not more, and be on parole for at least a year, but likely more.

As a mother, I'd say your child deserves a better role model. Actions speak louder than words, his actions scream volumes. How are you going to tell your child what this man did and make it okay? He chose to assault someone and you two are being punished.

As a person who sees this day in and day out, walk away. No, Run.

Good luck to you.

With that said aggravated assult charges carry a up to 5 yr charge pending on if it is under felony or miss. What he needs to do is have the church he attends to speak for him as a character wittness. This will also help in his sentence. More than likley he will get little time with couple years of probation and a fine. The biggest problem is going to be employment after this. Not many places hire if you have shown a violent past..

I did know what I was getting into to a certain extent.He did tell me the things he used to do before and he did tell me that it wasn't good.I guess I just assumed that it all got taken care of and that was the end of it.

Amen Sister! I'll go ahead and add something I meant to add before - As Christians, we're responsible for our actions. While we're forgiven, we're responsible for the consequences.

Relating to my last post - lots of men like this play the "Born again Christian" card, and sometimes even mean it... for a while... but all too often, it's just a card, a ploy. Only time and actions are going to tell if he's sincere - and sincerety here is paying his dues for what he's done.

"Born Again Christian" is not a "get out of jail free" card - or a right to dismiss all responsibility for his past. don't be too quick to give BOTD here - only time will tell if he's changed...

the catch? Well, you don't have that time, and like someone else, this is NOT the role model for your child... move on, you find someone else, let him find someone else...

Good luck spirit. I can see you made ur mind up because it seems like you are giving excusses on his behalf. Just think about this can you support your child you and him if worst comes to worst.


Take care and good luck
Jason

Well regardless what is said the one that has to make that decsion is you. You said you were aware of some of these things when ya got together. First you should have found out the complete details but you did not that is in the past now. So you must make up your mind either stick with him to the end or walk away don't do the iffy game one way or the other give it your all or walk away. But yes your little girl comes first and her future. Assualt charges is not murder and you can get that against you just for being in a heated discussion and just touch the other person. Good luck in what ever you decide to do.

He assaulted this person before he was born again and he wasn't proud of it and yes he did ask forgiveness.The guy said he forgave him and then this came up.It's like everyone he ever wronged in the past is coming up now to get him and I hate that he's in this situation but you guys are right he deserves it.I told him you pay what you owe.Right now he says that I am the Only one who he trusts to get him through this and it kind of makes me feel like I'm put in a spot you know?

seems to me if he was honest with u ,u would of known that he hadnt taken care of it all...... sure it wasnt dishonest not telling ya but was very misleading when u had the conversations.... what else hasnt he told you about? and can u build a relationship like that? not knowing? ...knowing everything? gl on your decisions

I also told him that the Only person who could get him through this is himself and faith in God.I told him that this is a test from god to see how devoted he truly is when times get rough.