i believe love is a major factor of life. its like we struggle through life trying to find what it means, in the end we reflect only to find its not what we lived for, but who we were, what kinds of things we did as a human that defines us. Love plays a big part in this, i trust that i will live a life worth telling to other people. I hope that after my time, to my children and grand children all my memories and knowledge hold deep within their hearts and that they will realize that true love is that which is held within, true love is respecting the memory of those we hold dearest to our hearts. I am in a state of mind right now that i can no longer focus myself, but i can no longer say "deny myself deny" but yet i hunger to move on, to live breathe to exist in the minds of all around me to love all those who care. its not every day i wake up without a thought of want, a want of someone to wake up to, to come home to, to cry to. I don't have that, many of us don't. and for those that do, never take for granite what you have, because it is that which i strive to find in my life, it is that what i live for. giving credit where credit is due. I know that someday it will happen to me, i have to keep an open mind and keep a loving warm heart. The person that i will call my love will know true love, will know what kind of human i am. I am King of Kings, i am alone in my kingdom, but i am keeping the throne warm for my queen. I look everyday high and low for my queen, i know i may not find her, she may find me, but i await in patience, await in my crown. In time i will become happy, but until then i will never give up my search.

I have one group telling me to look, another telling me to wait. I can not agree, i have to try both. i have to attempt to do what i feel is right. I may be lonesome but i am willing, i want to try, i want to live. i am king, i am immortal in the minds of those i touch. I want to pass that to anyone willing and able to listen to me. I want to reach into the minds of those i care for , that person i want to find, i know shes out there looking for me as well. My journey will take me far, and back, and far again. I will not know her face, but i will know her when we meet eye to eye. I will love her. until then, i cry the pain away now, i strive the stains away. I am me, i am King Payne.

Try both but i also believe in life there should be a balance in everything you do, too much or too little of anything i believe is bad. In a most cases.... mind you. I think we should wait for someone but at the same time not wait in the house for that person to knock. I think we should be openminded into meeting new people and making an attempt to find that special someone but not going out of your way to do so.